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Ugh....not again!!

Posted by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:26 AM
  • 36 Replies

 frustrated

Another Valentine's Day has been forgotten....been married 22yrs..and he can still forget..he even told me last night that he forgot...WHY?? why does he tell me this crap? He knows Valentine's is EVERY fcking year! I even told him at Christmas when he said he forgot to get me a Christmas card, to know that every time I expect him to remember!

My birthday is in March, how many ladies are willing to wager him forgetting that too!!! ugh...

It's not like I want him to spend butt loads of money! I even told him I don't want flowers, they only die on me anyways, why waste the money...You know it would have even been fine if he just took a pic of a bouquet of flowers and texted them to me...I'm that easy.......lol.   

How can I do what I wanted to do to him for Valentine's Day, if he does this shit?? How can I even do a bj??? ugh...just so disappointed.  

sorry, just venting... I know I ask WAYYY too much!  

by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
always2012
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:35 AM
1 mom liked this

No you have a right to expect a some sort of appreation of certain days! You have given alot of yourself so it not to much to ask! it doesnt take much to start the fire but he should at least know how to strike the match!  

teeliner
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:54 AM
1 mom liked this

That's total BS! I was in the exact kind of relationship & now after 23 years I am divorced. You really need to talk to him. I wish I had not given demands of what I don't want for the holidays. It didn't give him the chance to do what he wanted to do. Maybe he wants to give you flowers? Flowers seem to be a waste of money but every time you pass those flowers you know your sweetie loves you. Don't let him control you feelings....tell him! Don't be where I am now. Starting over. There are men out there that want to show their love & passion for you. Its not stupid to want these things. Ask him "How come you don't do anything for the holidays for me?" But do it when your both relaxed & alone. You don't want him to be defensive, you want to talk. Better yet....Why don't you set up a "date" & show him what you want? Good luck sister....don't let this fester, its not good for you or your sweetie. 

alissa11
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:59 AM
1 mom liked this

I have to agree with the other moms. You need to tell him how u feel. I've been with my boyfriend for 7months now and he text me at midnight and told me happy valentines day and bought me a bear. My before marriage he never missed this holiday either was with him for six years. You just have to sit him down and tell him. Sorry for your bad day.....hope it gets alot better !

Cindy1221
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM
Thank you for your reply, i have spoke to him and had heart to hearts... It only lasts as long as the day we speak about it then goes back to the way it was. Im just really dissappointrd. I dont make it a nig deal and i wonder if i should now! You know? I dont want to be selfish, but hell i would even take a pic of a hallmark card! Dont even have to buy the damn thing... Lol

Quoting teeliner:

That's total BS! I was in the exact kind of relationship & now after 23 years I am divorced. You really need to talk to him. I wish I had not given demands of what I don't want for the holidays. It didn't give him the chance to do what he wanted to do. Maybe he wants to give you flowers? Flowers seem to be a waste of money but every time you pass those flowers you know your sweetie loves you. Don't let him control you feelings....tell him! Don't be where I am now. Starting over. There are men out there that want to show their love & passion for you. Its not stupid to want these things. Ask him "How come you don't do anything for the holidays for me?" But do it when your both relaxed & alone. You don't want him to be defensive, you want to talk. Better yet....Why don't you set up a "date" & show him what you want? Good luck sister....don't let this fester, its not good for you or your sweetie. 

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 14, 2013 at 1:43 PM
2 moms liked this
If you have been married that long you should know how he is. Why get upset over something you KNOW he wont do? It amazes me that aftee 20 some yrs you still think changing him is the answer. Not going to happen
Cindy1221
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 1:49 PM
You are absolutely right! However, after 22yrs dont you think he should know that im not going to change either? Which is harder? Me to stop wishing he would come around, or just to stop wanting him too... Also, why is it that any shred of romance has to be lost because he is lazy and it doesnt matter to him?
Its not that i want to change him, i just want to know that i am thought of. He doesnt say stuff like that to me either. I do keep torturing myself that way though... Thanks for your reply..


Quoting Anonymous:

If you have been married that long you should know how he is. Why get upset over something you KNOW he wont do? It amazes me that aftee 20 some yrs you still think changing him is the answer. Not going to happen
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LaLa_Ivory
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 1:51 PM
2 moms liked this
i honestly dont understand why everyone needs a day to show their love... silly, really.
you knew how he was, and you married him. why are you STILL complaining after 22 years?
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teeliner
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 1:54 PM
1 mom liked this

Dang, Sister. It sounds just like what I went through. Im so sorry. If this is truly important to you, you need to be heard & not just for a week. I want romance, I want to know that I am yours forever & will do anything to show you this. I never got any of it. Like you said it only last as long as he wants it to. Sister I really think you should think hard on this one, I feel it turns to disappointment, loathing & sadness. Yes its only a card but damn it! I want that card! Validation in a relationship & communication is so important but when your talking to a wall, the wall doesn't talk back what do you do? That my sister is in your heart & mind. Unfortunately either you accept that he will never be supportive of your feelings, or go to a counselor together or end it. All of these are so stinking scary. I don't like any of those choices either. But now where I am, I can look back & see how mentally abused I was, no matter how perfect I was it just was not enough & it became a 1 sided marriage. Me.......I truly wish I had a magic wand to fix this for you. I know & feel your pain. It hurts so bad. I'm here to listen & help how I can. I am here to validate your needs & wants. You deserve the best & to be treated as such. xxoo

Quoting Cindy1221:

Thank you for your reply, i have spoke to him and had heart to hearts... It only lasts as long as the day we speak about it then goes back to the way it was. Im just really dissappointrd. I dont make it a nig deal and i wonder if i should now! You know? I dont want to be selfish, but hell i would even take a pic of a hallmark card! Dont even have to buy the damn thing... Lol

Quoting teeliner:

That's total BS! I was in the exact kind of relationship & now after 23 years I am divorced. You really need to talk to him. I wish I had not given demands of what I don't want for the holidays. It didn't give him the chance to do what he wanted to do. Maybe he wants to give you flowers? Flowers seem to be a waste of money but every time you pass those flowers you know your sweetie loves you. Don't let him control you feelings....tell him! Don't be where I am now. Starting over. There are men out there that want to show their love & passion for you. Its not stupid to want these things. Ask him "How come you don't do anything for the holidays for me?" But do it when your both relaxed & alone. You don't want him to be defensive, you want to talk. Better yet....Why don't you set up a "date" & show him what you want? Good luck sister....don't let this fester, its not good for you or your sweetie. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 14, 2013 at 1:56 PM
Then divorce him and find a guy that will. Seriously. You either accept how he is and be happy with the things you do appreciate about him... or move on.


Quoting Cindy1221:

You are absolutely right! However, after 22yrs dont you think he should know that im not going to change either? Which is harder? Me to stop wishing he would come around, or just to stop wanting him too... Also, why is it that any shred of romance has to be lost because he is lazy and it doesnt matter to him?

Its not that i want to change him, i just want to know that i am thought of. He doesnt say stuff like that to me either. I do keep torturing myself that way though... Thanks for your reply..




Quoting Anonymous:

If you have been married that long you should know how he is. Why get upset over something you KNOW he wont do? It amazes me that aftee 20 some yrs you still think changing him is the answer. Not going to happen

teeliner
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 1:59 PM
1 mom liked this

P.S: You are a strong & beautiful woman. If others have not been in our shoes they should not judge because someday you may be me........xxoo Right? Its not changing the man it is working hard to keep your marriage alive. We all need that. Phooey on those who judge from the outside. If you both want your marriage to work, yes you both have to change, but we change all the time...right? You are not the same girl you where 23 years ago & he is not the same boy? So we all change all the time.

Quoting teeliner:

Dang, Sister. It sounds just like what I went through. Im so sorry. If this is truly important to you, you need to be heard & not just for a week. I want romance, I want to know that I am yours forever & will do anything to show you this. I never got any of it. Like you said it only last as long as he wants it to. Sister I really think you should think hard on this one, I feel it turns to disappointment, loathing & sadness. Yes its only a card but damn it! I want that card! Validation in a relationship & communication is so important but when your talking to a wall, the wall doesn't talk back what do you do? That my sister is in your heart & mind. Unfortunately either you accept that he will never be supportive of your feelings, or go to a counselor together or end it. All of these are so stinking scary. I don't like any of those choices either. But now where I am, I can look back & see how mentally abused I was, no matter how perfect I was it just was not enough & it became a 1 sided marriage. Me.......I truly wish I had a magic wand to fix this for you. I know & feel your pain. It hurts so bad. I'm here to listen & help how I can. I am here to validate your needs & wants. You deserve the best & to be treated as such. xxoo

Quoting Cindy1221:

Thank you for your reply, i have spoke to him and had heart to hearts... It only lasts as long as the day we speak about it then goes back to the way it was. Im just really dissappointrd. I dont make it a nig deal and i wonder if i should now! You know? I dont want to be selfish, but hell i would even take a pic of a hallmark card! Dont even have to buy the damn thing... Lol

Quoting teeliner:

That's total BS! I was in the exact kind of relationship & now after 23 years I am divorced. You really need to talk to him. I wish I had not given demands of what I don't want for the holidays. It didn't give him the chance to do what he wanted to do. Maybe he wants to give you flowers? Flowers seem to be a waste of money but every time you pass those flowers you know your sweetie loves you. Don't let him control you feelings....tell him! Don't be where I am now. Starting over. There are men out there that want to show their love & passion for you. Its not stupid to want these things. Ask him "How come you don't do anything for the holidays for me?" But do it when your both relaxed & alone. You don't want him to be defensive, you want to talk. Better yet....Why don't you set up a "date" & show him what you want? Good luck sister....don't let this fester, its not good for you or your sweetie. 



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