OK. Here I go. I am 32. I have a 12 year old and a 5 year old and have been married for almost 14 years. And for just about my entire marriage I have been bitching about our sex life. I wouldn't say there is much "life" in it at all though. It was great until my daughter was born (she's the 12 year old, so what does that tell you.) And by great I mean frequent,,,,that's about it. I have basically never had sex on a regular basis. I would settle for once a week, but who am I kidding? There has NEVER been spontaneity. Ever. I rarely initiate, because really I feel like if he isn't, then he must not want it. He never says "make love." I hear the "sorry I fell asleep" crap often and I feel like tired or not, us being together should take priority. Also, I have only tried being on top ONCE. Yep, you read it right....one time. I am overweight, and that combined with everything else has made me feel like I am not a woman at all. I have serious jealousy issues, and I would just love to feel normal. I always feel like there's , me and then there are real women. (every other woman.) I am so sick of having the same argument. Who does that for 14 years?! And who has these issues their whole marriage? And at 32? I feel like I am begging for sex, and then if we have sex, it must be because of all my bitching. I feel like I just want to say "let's be roomates." Leave the sex out completely.
Thank you everyone who has responded with encouragement and advice. I am glad I finally got to get all of it off my chest and I really do appreciate that you all took the time to respond. And nobody was mean (that's always nice!) It will obviously take time to see changes but I will update in the future.......
next time he leans in for just a kiss, pull him in for a long deep one. i bet he wont go right to bed (at least not alone *wink*).
Quoting aandt1999:
I know it isn't right, but I told him once that I will be more than desirable when I reach my goals, and then I will refuse him. See how he likes it. I never would though. And he has never outright rejected me.....but when we have a wonderful night and everything seems to be heading that way, and then he leans over to kiss me goodnight, that is rejection. It makes me feel like shit.
Quoting cuttieiam:
Mama .... U have to concentrate on ur self ..... Do some exercises here and there boost ur self ... I used to feel like that i would feel the same way ... But once I started to feel better about my self I would feel like when I asked for sex it wasn't me begging it was me asking .... I'm sorry if this doesn't make since .... It worked for me ....
aww, the two of you made me happy to look at! you really need to realize that your a beautiful woman and he LOVES you. share yourselves with each other.
Quoting aandt1999:This is our most recent pic together. (I look like I am about to explode) But it was a good day. And for the most part we are happy.
OK....it better work! ;)
Quoting jynkx:next time he leans in for just a kiss, pull him in for a long deep one. i bet he wont go right to bed (at least not alone *wink*).
Quoting aandt1999:
I know it isn't right, but I told him once that I will be more than desirable when I reach my goals, and then I will refuse him. See how he likes it. I never would though. And he has never outright rejected me.....but when we have a wonderful night and everything seems to be heading that way, and then he leans over to kiss me goodnight, that is rejection. It makes me feel like shit.
Quoting cuttieiam:
Mama .... U have to concentrate on ur self ..... Do some exercises here and there boost ur self ... I used to feel like that i would feel the same way ... But once I started to feel better about my self I would feel like when I asked for sex it wasn't me begging it was me asking .... I'm sorry if this doesn't make since .... It worked for me ....
I`m agree with you , that is cause behind begging , boost up self and go ahead
Quoting cuttieiam:
Mama .... U have to concentrate on ur self ..... Do some exercises here and there boost ur self ... I used to feel like that i would feel the same way ... But once I started to feel better about my self I would feel like when I asked for sex it wasn't me begging it was me asking .... I'm sorry if this doesn't make since .... It worked for me ....
I can feel your pain. Before my x became my x, we would have sex almost never, I would even give him hints by starting to take my shirt off and tell him not to come upstairs to late, well most of the time he wouldn't get the hint, and decide to come to bed after 11;30 or later, and then try to wake me up, well I would be asleep, then he would put the blame on me for falling asleep.Then when things went sour, he just slept down on the couch on his accord, and wouldn't touch me at all. I dealt with that for almost 3 years.
Um, you most certainly do NOT look like you're about to explode. You two are a very nice looking couple and you're beautiful! I think all of us are self conscious about something, but we have to let that go. Your DH loves you and most of them don't even notice whatever it is that's bothering us about ourselves. Maybe you guys should see if grandma or grandpa, maybe a friend, could stay with the kids for a weekend while you guys go off and take a breather somewhere relaxing and romantic. I'm about to do that with my DH and get my parents to watch my two kiddos: 13 and 3. I also feel your pain about your DS wearing you out! Mine does the same thing...they're little, it's their job. But you guys need time alone. Wishing you the best!!
Quoting aandt1999:This is our most recent pic together. (I look like I am about to explode) But it was a good day. And for the most part we are happy.
I'm sorry you went through that. I have learned that hints don't work either. I guess they always need very clear, simple directions!
Quoting catstoys4fun:I can feel your pain. Before my x became my x, we would have sex almost never, I would even give him hints by starting to take my shirt off and tell him not to come upstairs to late, well most of the time he wouldn't get the hint, and decide to come to bed after 11;30 or later, and then try to wake me up, well I would be asleep, then he would put the blame on me for falling asleep.Then when things went sour, he just slept down on the couch on his accord, and wouldn't touch me at all. I dealt with that for almost 3 years.
once you love yourself more, you will naturally be more attractive. You will also be more likely to put the moves on ur hubby without fear of feelings of rejection.
Your age and how many sex partners
- aandt1999
on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:49 AM