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Question....Kind of embarassing?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 4 Replies

 DH and I are TTC.....We have an ok sex life. Given his background and whats happened in his past, sex is tough for him.

He is bipolar, with depression and anxiety.  Thus his anxiety carries over to our sex life.  He admitted to being scared of sex.

We have wanted to do IUI.  However 2 months in a row, ive had to cancel because he cannot successfuly produce a specimen.  We've tried porn, collection condom, intercourse...Ive tried helping all I can.  His anxiety gets so high nothing helps.

 

Does anyone have any advice, or ways to help us overcome this? Ideas are appreciated. We are thinking for this next cycle, doing a combination timed intercourse and IUI. This way hes less anxious and hopefully something will work.

 

Thanks

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:55 AM
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want10more
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:12 AM
1 mom liked this

i'd say for right now, STOP TRYING FOR SEX. this is something he cannot handle right now. what happened in his past i dunno, but was obviously traumatic for him. hopefully he's on drug therapy, but u can do things to help him. lay in bed w/ him, clothed. cuddle. smooch.  tell him what he means to you, how ur so proud of him. build him up. lay quiet while u invite him to touch you. but still, do NOT start sex. "i like ur hands on my legs. i feel so safe w/ you. you make me feel so loved, so secure. i love the man you are". when HE inititates it, start removing clothing. but he must start it. safety in sex is prolly a big issue w/ him. say "omigosh i trust you so much, and want u to trust me too, can i touch ur chest? will you put my hands where it feels safe to do so? i like ur body but i want us to first trust each other". allow HIM to instigate the touching, he'll feel safer, and more in control. and plz, get him to a therapist. him first, then both of u together. a baby is not a good idea as of yet, daddy has got to feel more in control. he may very well be scared to be daddy too... but hopefully, not for long. good luck.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:31 AM

 Alot of what you says makes sense. We have managed sex...just not as much as he has in the past, but more than he has since his exwife(She left him for a woman).  I know his past...and I know the traumatization hes gone thru.  

I'll definitely try the safety ideas...Get him to be more comfortable, and let him take the control.  Til then, I do always snuggle with him(hes a cuddler)..and tell him I appreciate him.

 

Thank you for the ideas..

Quoting want10more:

i'd say for right now, STOP TRYING FOR SEX. this is something he cannot handle right now. what happened in his past i dunno, but was obviously traumatic for him. hopefully he's on drug therapy, but u can do things to help him. lay in bed w/ him, clothed. cuddle. smooch.  tell him what he means to you, how ur so proud of him. build him up. lay quiet while u invite him to touch you. but still, do NOT start sex. "i like ur hands on my legs. i feel so safe w/ you. you make me feel so loved, so secure. i love the man you are". when HE inititates it, start removing clothing. but he must start it. safety in sex is prolly a big issue w/ him. say "omigosh i trust you so much, and want u to trust me too, can i touch ur chest? will you put my hands where it feels safe to do so? i like ur body but i want us to first trust each other". allow HIM to instigate the touching, he'll feel safer, and more in control. and plz, get him to a therapist. him first, then both of u together. a baby is not a good idea as of yet, daddy has got to feel more in control. he may very well be scared to be daddy too... but hopefully, not for long. good luck.

 

mybaby77
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:33 AM
1 mom liked this

i think he needs counseling....  before trying for  a baby

want10more
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:40 AM

good golly, poor fella. ex left him for a woman, gotta feel kinda emasculating doncha think? but yet, maybe a little bit of an easy fix. i should think a guy in that situation would feel like less than a man, but of course that's not true. if she left him for another MAN, that's one thing, but how could he really compete against a woman if that's what she truly wanted? methinks maybe talk him up, like, "i am so attracted to the MAN you are, you make me feel like a WOMAN". reiterate that u want a man, and that ur attracted to him, AS A MAN. tell him how his MANLY body parts attract u. "i have always wanted a real man to love me, i'm so lucky to find a man like you". "your body is so attractive to me, i think you look so good".

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