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Should a TRUE soulmate relationship require work?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

If someone is TRULY your soulmate, why should a relationship require work?  A soulmate matches you perfectly and everything should fall into place. 

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 18, 2013 at 8:30 AM
Replies (61-70):
mrssummerlin
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Every relationship requires work, just like anything else in the world. NOTHING stays in good working order WITHOUT maintenance.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:36 PM

Ha! After reading through some of the replies by the OP, I just realized who it was. Our resident angry Anon! That didn't take long. 

SusieQue717
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:39 PM
The way I look at it, every relationship needs work because it's two ppl coming together to share their life. It doesn't mean that everything is going to perfect, or that u guys are going to agree on everything! It takes work to keep the relationship strong, it takes work to keep the fire alive.

Quoting Anonymous:


Well then that blows my idea of a soulmate.  a person who fits you perfectly.  To be it shouldn't require work if they are your 'soulmate", that is meant to be your half you are missing.  


Quoting shimmifairy:

I'll use this as an analogy....

You have the most beatiful rare flowering plant...you get it and it's full and healthy and a joy to look upon...You don't pay any attention to it, and it stays that way for awhile...maybe a pretty long time until you notice it's starting to wilt...but it still looks very nice, and it still makes you happy to look at it, so you keep on as you have....well, now the leaves are starting to look a little yellow on one side and a little brown on the edges of the other...But you've never had to do anything with it before, so you just let things go as they have been...Until one day, it's almost dead...So now you want to save it....So you notice how dry the soil is...Because you didn't water it...How few, if any, flowers there are...Because you didn't feed it....How any growth that happened was only on one side and it might be a little fried and tired looking...because you didn't make sure each was in the sun equally....But that there hasn't been any recent growth because it's rootbound in a pot too small for it now...You didn't give it room or opportunity to expand....

You can try to water and feed it, you can try to give it a bigger pot....you can try letting the other side have sunlight to grow and the fried side shade to rest....it may live, it may not....

Your soul mate relationship is like that...You can just gaze it it in awe for awhile, but you're going to have to water it (with emotion) feed it (with time and trust) make sure both side get sunlight (with attention) and change it to a bigger pot ( life circumstances) to give it room to grow and expand...If you dont', like that plant, you'll wake up one day to find it nearly dead and all the work in the world might not save it then....




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thecoffeefairy
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:40 PM
Every relationship requires work. No two people think exactly the same, feel exactly the same. You need to make time for one another. Life can be hectic. It's easy to fall I to a routine that makes the other feel unloved, undesirable. You must remember to always be present even when it's inconvenient. There is no perfection. Just mutual effort and reward. It is far more beautiful and blissful than it sounds.
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starreyedcutie
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:42 PM
The way two souls mates mesh together and understand eachother is amazing...however with anything in life worth a Damn requires work and effort. Finding that perfect person, realizing what you have and working to keep it is another thing. But its worth it...I know because I have my soul mate :) the good thing about soul mates is bot people put in the same effort and it makes it easy and worth it...sososo worth it
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klee001
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:43 PM
1 mom liked this

srsly? not bashing you, but srsly?

all relationships require work---some are easier than others.

but if you've never had a relationship with anyone where you didn't have to put some work into it ---then you have truly led a sheltered and blessed life---nothing wrong with that, it just sort of skewes your expectations.

wishing you the bestgood luck

lurveable
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 2:06 PM
So you are not perfect but won't change? again all things to do with a mate aside just for YOU? You don't try to better yourself or become a better person in life? And you can find someone who loves you for you, and one of the things he loves about you is your acceptance of what's wrong with you that you are trying to change to be a better person in life, maybe he doesn't want to be with a girl who is stuck on herself and never will change. If you find a guy that is okay with that it's because he doesn't know any better or is desperate. Either one will get sick of it eventually and leave you. And so you never got mad at a single boyfriend once and told him what was bothering you because you knew that would just be a waste of time because you don't expect him to change either right? and so you just left every one as son as you had a problem without discussing it?Or do you let others change for you to revolve around you and submit to you and just not do it for them? Supporting someone in the changes they want to make for them self is not training them in any way. It's being supportive and encouraging about what they already want to do for them self.
Quoting Anonymous:


im not perfect by any means, but if a guy was meant to be with me, he will love me for who i am, not who he wants me to be.  and i expect the same from him to be who he is.  i am not out to train anyone to be anything different than what they are.  If they want to change that is THEIR choice.  I am happy with who i am and that is who i am going to continue to be.

Quoting lurveable:

I am far from submissive actually, you are just unrealistic. You expect your man to be perfect, so won't ever find one that makes you happy, you think you are perfect the way you are and don't need to change anything, witch again makes you unrealistic and i'm sure you're not much of a joy to put up with. I don't expect everyone to change for their man, I expect that if you found a man who loves you deeply and is willing to work with you for the rest of your life to make changes to be a better man for you too, you should also feel the same way about him. All being with a man parts aside, everyone has things wrong with them they need to work on. Those of us that do make the world a better place and are not insanely prideful people who are stuck on them selfs, those of us who don't make the world a more selfish place and just make the people the encounter feel worse and leave trails of more damaged broken people behind them every where they go in every relationship they touch. Do you think rapists and pedophiles and murderers shouldn't have to change who they are either? lol Some of us actually want to be good people, and improve our lifes and be good to those in our lifes we care about and love and raise good children to leave the world a better place from our time spent here.
Quoting Anonymous:


In a sense you are telling us all to change ourselves for the man.  Change ourselves no matter what it takes to make him happy.  We can agree to disagree because everything you say below does not define someone a soulmate, but just another person where you try to make a relationship work by settling.  I will not change who I am for anyone, nor do I expect them to for me either.  We are who we are and if we were meant to be no one should have to change.  Why you would want to be "submissive" to a guy is beyond me.  Is it desperation?

Quoting lurveable:

There is a difference in changing who you are as a person like for someone else soley, and accepting that you are not perfect and that you want to change certain things about yourself that you don't like to be a better person for your self first and for the people you love most in the world second. I am not saying you ever will even get there necessarely but a sole mate knows these things you are working on and can even try to be supportive and help you and is able to accept the things wrong with themselfs to share with you also because your relationship is deep like that and you don't feel judged, and so rather you do ever change them or not you can actually share your struggles together and try to help each other trhough them. Some things may never change that's fine an dmaybe at some point you just talk and say I guess this is just part of who I am, and compromise if you need to for each others happiness and keep on together.

Also, when you no longer will leave a person for the next one and the next one, you are forced to look at the problems for what they are and figure out what is wrong or what is causing it and if the problem is something to do with you and you see that, yes it is not uncommon for a person to accept it and want to try to change it. If it doesn't change after trying that can be fine too, adnd they can realize it's just someting they bot have to accept, I didn't say it couldn't be fine just that the want to be good for yourself and for them is there. You try to see what you can do about things on deeper levels. Like if you know you have trust issues, well now that you know you are with someone you can and do trust, you might still struggle with being use to behaving like you don't trust someone and reacting to certain situations in an untrusting way, then realizing how silly you are being and saying forget it and, you could see how that part of you doesn't work any more at least in this relationship and you might struggle to stop taking that out on them just because you do it out of habit.

I could sit here trying to explain it all day but i'ed rather not, but yes, there are acceptable areas in life you would want to make changes. I can't stand these people who just leave each other and say "there was just no other way.'" When their usually is, it just involves actually working on yourself and not ignoring the things that are wrong with you any more. But people like to just stay convinced they are all perfect the way the are and someone should accept them perfectly that way and yet, these same people will always have issues in their relationships still as well lol, so it doesn't make sense. Why even complain at all then to any one you are with? Just leave him instantly other wise your trying to change him. lol


I read a great quote once about a couple that was married like 60 years, it said that when asked how they stayed together for so long and made it work, they replied "We where born in a time when something was broken you fixed it." Couln't agree with that thought more. You want forever? It takes hard work, trying again and again, and acceptance when needed and forgiveness and compromise. Forever isn't for the lazy or delusional who expect their man to be perfect or think they are so perfect that they are above any need for change themselfs. No one is perfect, we all have things we need to work on, some of just to choose to ignore that. It's okay to not let it get you down and still think you are awesome no matter where you are in life or what you are going through at the time, it's not okay to deny it all together and walk around like your shit don't stink too.

Quoting Anonymous:


you say "the person you want to be for him/her".  Why the hell would you change yourself for ANYONE?  i wouldnt and i wont.  

Quoting lurveable:

It requires work because even though you might feel like you WANT to not let how you where brought up or jaded in life effect your relationship or take that out on him, NO one is perfect! You both where brought up differently and see the world through different eyes and have to get to understand each other first and like, you may have jealousy issues but again not WANT too and may be trying to stop that and get over it because you do actually trust him.

The way I see it is you care enough to want to be good to your soul mate that's all that matters most, but what you want for him and to be for him [or her] won't always match up with how you are feeling because we all have been through things that make us hold back or have trust issues or get scared or upset over different things maybe because we saw our mom go through it a lot, and your man [or women] will come with their owns sets of issues like that too.

But it's about loving each other so much you want to be a better man or woman for them and accept where you are flawed and try to work on it for them always and they do the same for you and you both try your best to be supportive of each other until hopefully you can get to a place in life together where you undo all those things that effect your relationship. It's about what you want in your heart and your intentions more than what you do and helping each other be better every day.

But the biggest thing is knowing they are the one you want to walk beside through this life, no matter who, how, or what you are, and knowing that you are the one they want to walk beside too no matter what you both are going through, you know the other wants to be there for it and would follow you wherever you go to the end, just as you would follow them. Soul mates just feel more complete when they are together and like the person is worth all the trouble for a change.

No relationship with another will ever be free of work because we are all raised differently, exposed to different things, different experiences. and because they can be taken a lot more seriously and matter a hell of a lot more to each other, soulmate type relationships can need even more work than a regular relationship because you actually care a hell of a lot more to not just leave when things get tough but fix them instead. You no longer just replace the person, the person is set in stone for you for good, it has to be them, now you have to work on the issues and fix them because your soul mates happiness is essential to your own and your happiness is essential to theirs. You have to be there, and take care of each other. No more walking out or giving up or ignoring things and just finding someone new.

My feelings anyways.








lurveable
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 2:10 PM
Then you obviously haven't found yours yet because then you would know the difference. Believe me. Keep looking, you will find the one who doesn't make you feel like you are settling and who makes you stop doubting it all. You will know when you could happily waste what days you have left on this earth all with him and not want to be with any one else or ever even think about if he isn't the one any more. He will make teh questions stop and you will just feel completed finally.
Quoting Anonymous:

soulmate = settling.  there is no difference in my eyes.  Just because one guy gives you more attention or spends more $ on you than the other, doesn't make anyone a damn soulmate. 


Quoting lurveable:

Well I completely understand that! lol usually, I can't explain it really, when you meet this person, it's just an almost instant mutual connection that makes you feel more complete in life when you are in their presence even when you hardly know them enough yet and they also feel the same way about you. It's like a feeling that they can do so little, just small drops of them in your life make such a HUGE difference, and that's all it takes from them. It's so much easier for them to make you happy and you them. So you would know if you felt that deep connection with someone and then where making it work, verses getting in a relationship with someone just because it's nice and you love them and continuing to make it work. Sadly I have heard of cases of woman who where with a man sense their teens, married, with kids, thought he was their soul mate, then one day meet this random man at a random time in life, and BOOM! The connection is instant and they realize they where wrong all along. I think with a soul mate, just being with them, the little things, their smile the look in their eyes, makes the world seem better and brings you peace and can make the problems and the world just fade away when you are together, while someone you might just love a lot you may think is cute and like them a lot and feel happier around them but it's not as dramatic of a change. With someone you love a lot you might feel better having them around, but you might still always feel like something is missing. With a soul mate, you feel complete like you're sure, you don't know how, you just are. They make the questions stop and you just feel done searching. I do believe though that most likely if you still have to question it, it's not your soul mate =/ witch is really sad to me when I see it because that means there is someone out there who is still questioning things also because they haven't found you yet either. Wasting time in the wrong relationships, all though I understand might make your life easier, holds you back from getting to that special place with the right one. It's hard to talk about these things though because I know it just sounds crazy, but I do believe in soul mates. I have seen it to much to not believe. Just find the one that makes you stop asking questions or that you couldn't picture your life without. It just feels right and you will feel like "i've only got however many days left to live and I'ed like to spend them all with him there with me and when I die I want to feel I know him so well I take him with me inside me."
Quoting Anonymous:


Im sorry but this can be done with anyone.  It doesnt make them a soulmate.  A lot of people just make it work because it is easier than finding someone else.  what you wrote doesnt convince me that a person like you are describing is any different than any other guy that you WANT to make it work with. 

Quoting lurveable:

lol What? No, just sounds like understanding and working towards a better life and love together with someone you know feels the same way and trusting that you both know you don't want someone else so now you have to fix things instead of leave for the next one. It's about knowing this is it for you and for them so you both have to try your best to be good to eachother and be understanding and supportive of one another when things don't always go as planned or perfectly. Shit happens, you make the best of it together and work through it all and just stay together and are able to rest assured they are not going to walk out on you because of it, or you them.

It could maybe sound a little tangled if it was one sided, but if it was one sided it wouldn't be a soul mate situation and in a soul mate situation where things are not one sided and you both feel that deeply about each other it makes it okay to put up with or go through it all. It's not like you are expecting your other to just take on your issues, you are taking on theirs too, and yeah you expect them to be more understanding because you are too for them, and yes it is more frustrating some times or harder and you put up with more, but that is because you don't just leave for the next one because it's the easier thing to do because you truly know, both of you know, this is the one for you. So you fix things you can fix with in your relationship instead because it's not just about YOU any more, you care about them and consider them in your life too.

If you still only live for your happiness or to protect yourself or what you need and want in life, than you are not with your soul mate. Your soulmate will consider you and your happiness and safety and wants and your needs in life will matter to them as well as their own. And all that about them will matter to you too. Yes, it gets confusing, but usually only when one person doesn't really love the other like that and the relationship is one sided to where one seems to be caring about them both while one only cares about themself. When it is equal though and goes both ways, it's a beautiful deep relationship with 2 people working together to make each others lifes a brighter place happily, who would rather be hashing out an issue with them, than any where else with any one else. It has to go both ways though, it is tricky if it's falling to much to one side.

Quoting Anonymous:

sounds like a tangled web you weave

Quoting lurveable:

It requires work because even though you might feel like you WANT to not let how you where brought up or jaded in life effect your relationship or take that out on him, NO one is perfect! You both where brought up differently and see the world through different eyes and have to get to understand each other first and like, you may have jealousy issues but again not WANT too and may be trying to stop that and get over it because you do actually trust him.

The way I see it is you care enough to want to be good to your soul mate that's all that matters most, but what you want for him and to be for him [or her] won't always match up with how you are feeling because we all have been through things that make us hold back or have trust issues or get scared or upset over different things maybe because we saw our mom go through it a lot, and your man [or women] will come with their owns sets of issues like that too.

But it's about loving each other so much you want to be a better man or woman for them and accept where you are flawed and try to work on it for them always and they do the same for you and you both try your best to be supportive of each other until hopefully you can get to a place in life together where you undo all those things that effect your relationship. It's about what you want in your heart and your intentions more than what you do and helping each other be better every day.

But the biggest thing is knowing they are the one you want to walk beside through this life, no matter who, how, or what you are, and knowing that you are the one they want to walk beside too no matter what you both are going through, you know the other wants to be there for it and would follow you wherever you go to the end, just as you would follow them. Soul mates just feel more complete when they are together and like the person is worth all the trouble for a change.

No relationship with another will ever be free of work because we are all raised differently, exposed to different things, different experiences. and because they can be taken a lot more seriously and matter a hell of a lot more to each other, soulmate type relationships can need even more work than a regular relationship because you actually care a hell of a lot more to not just leave when things get tough but fix them instead. You no longer just replace the person, the person is set in stone for you for good, it has to be them, now you have to work on the issues and fix them because your soul mates happiness is essential to your own and your happiness is essential to theirs. You have to be there, and take care of each other. No more walking out or giving up or ignoring things and just finding someone new.

My feelings anyways.








chillemi78
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 2:24 PM

I think you have it right here!


Quoting TheLadyAmalthea:

I think you are just trying to get panties in a twist. Too bad for you, I'm wearing granny panties today, and those things don't twist! They cover my butt and I never even get so much as a wedgie from them! I'm a happy and lucky lady to have my husband. He loves and accepts our son just the way he is. My son has severe autism. He is an awesome father to both our kids. He brings me my favorite flowers, brings me my favorite food, spends time with me, hugs me, kisses me. He always tells me how beautiful I am. And if I need a break from the kids, he takes them to the park and always gives me some time to relax. Every doctor appointment, every therapy appointment, every IEP at school, and he is there. I couldn't have dreamed up a better guy to spend my life with. 

Quoting Anonymous:

so what does he do for you? you always give to him, he takes and that is happiness?
Quoting TheLadyAmalthea:

Where in the world did I say I give up my own happiness? I am very happy with my husband, and what makes me happy is making him happy. It's not like he is emotionally abusive or demands things from me. The things I do to make him happy are so stupidly simple. Make him brownies, make his favorite dinner, surprise him with a date. He does all kinds of things to make me happy as well. A real relationship is a two way street. One person sacrificing their own happiness for their SO's happiness is not a good relationship, in fact, they should either go to therapy or get the hell out, cause that's not a relationship. That's just sad.

Quoting Anonymous:

so you give up your own happiness as long as he is happy


Quoting TheLadyAmalthea:

Every relationship needs work. If you aren't working on making your SO happy, there is something wrong. It doesn't mean you are always going to therapy or anything, but it does mean you are always working to improve your communication, your intimacy... 








chillemi78
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 2:31 PM

LOL! You are the one that posted! I'm so very sorry for you that you didn't get the answers you wanted, but my answer still stays the same. It is very interesting that you will not answer questions about yourself. You just go ahead and keep them to yourself there, I really won't lose sleep not knowing. 


Quoting Anonymous:


i dont answer because this has nothing to do with my relationship so therefore doesnt pertain to you or your answer.  Yes it does blow my idea of what a soulmate is.  It is beyond human control and that they do not exist.  A soulmate is someone who fits you perfectly and neither of you have to change.  They dont exist unless the powers to be can force them or in a different life.  

so as to your questions, when they pertain to my question i will answer them.  until then mind your own business :)

Quoting chillemi78:

On the first page, you quote ShimmiFairy and say that what she says blows your idea of what a soulmate is away (not an exact quote, but along those lines). But here you say soulmate doesn't exist. Why do you change your story after a while?
I also find it interesting that you didn't answer my original questions, even though you managed to quote me twice.


Quoting Anonymous:


that cant be obtained with ANY person?  I think it can.  I dont think there is any such thing as a soulmate.


Quoting chillemi78:

To the OP, this is not meant in any type of snarky way at all, but how has the theory worked for you? What is your current relationship status? If you are in a relationship, do you find that you don't have to do anything to keep happy, anything at all?

My husband and I met when we were teenagers. We had a relationship then, but broke up and went our sepearate ways. He found me years later as I was about to graduate college and was 500 miles away. We rekindled our relationship again and got married a few years later. Two kids and almost 9 years later, we are still going strong. Many(if not most) people would say our story of reunited high school sweethearts the epitomy of a soulmate story. But we work hard on our relationship. We have gone through many changes, dealt with death, family issues (his dad is a drug addict), births, our own health scares and just everyday stress and life together. Each day takes some adjusting and growing and learning. But to me, him being my soulmate is what makes the work worth it. We are not perfect people, but we are prefect for each other. We both have to work to overcome our imperfections and have the patience to deal with each other's imperfections, but at the end of the day, there is no one else I would rather be doing the work for than him. That is how I see a soulmate.









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