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Should a TRUE soulmate relationship require work?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

If someone is TRULY your soulmate, why should a relationship require work?  A soulmate matches you perfectly and everything should fall into place. 

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 18, 2013 at 8:30 AM
Replies (71-80):
MistyMoo
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 2:36 PM
1 mom liked this
EVERY relationship requires a little work. Your soulmate is just the one person you will work on things with no matter what happens, nothing will break you apart becuse you know you're meant to be with that person and you're willing to forgive their mistakes and put them aside...
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 18, 2013 at 3:04 PM


everyone settles there is no such thing as a soulmate that a human can create.  it is outside of our control.  I will not change for anyone nor do i expect them to for me.  Im sorry you settle for anyone or feel you need to train someone to be your type. 

Quoting lurveable:

Then you obviously haven't found yours yet because then you would know the difference. Believe me. Keep looking, you will find the one who doesn't make you feel like you are settling and who makes you stop doubting it all. You will know when you could happily waste what days you have left on this earth all with him and not want to be with any one else or ever even think about if he isn't the one any more. He will make teh questions stop and you will just feel completed finally.
Quoting Anonymous:

soulmate = settling.  there is no difference in my eyes.  Just because one guy gives you more attention or spends more $ on you than the other, doesn't make anyone a damn soulmate. 


Quoting lurveable:

Well I completely understand that! lol usually, I can't explain it really, when you meet this person, it's just an almost instant mutual connection that makes you feel more complete in life when you are in their presence even when you hardly know them enough yet and they also feel the same way about you. It's like a feeling that they can do so little, just small drops of them in your life make such a HUGE difference, and that's all it takes from them. It's so much easier for them to make you happy and you them. So you would know if you felt that deep connection with someone and then where making it work, verses getting in a relationship with someone just because it's nice and you love them and continuing to make it work. Sadly I have heard of cases of woman who where with a man sense their teens, married, with kids, thought he was their soul mate, then one day meet this random man at a random time in life, and BOOM! The connection is instant and they realize they where wrong all along. I think with a soul mate, just being with them, the little things, their smile the look in their eyes, makes the world seem better and brings you peace and can make the problems and the world just fade away when you are together, while someone you might just love a lot you may think is cute and like them a lot and feel happier around them but it's not as dramatic of a change. With someone you love a lot you might feel better having them around, but you might still always feel like something is missing. With a soul mate, you feel complete like you're sure, you don't know how, you just are. They make the questions stop and you just feel done searching. I do believe though that most likely if you still have to question it, it's not your soul mate =/ witch is really sad to me when I see it because that means there is someone out there who is still questioning things also because they haven't found you yet either. Wasting time in the wrong relationships, all though I understand might make your life easier, holds you back from getting to that special place with the right one. It's hard to talk about these things though because I know it just sounds crazy, but I do believe in soul mates. I have seen it to much to not believe. Just find the one that makes you stop asking questions or that you couldn't picture your life without. It just feels right and you will feel like "i've only got however many days left to live and I'ed like to spend them all with him there with me and when I die I want to feel I know him so well I take him with me inside me."
Quoting Anonymous:


Im sorry but this can be done with anyone.  It doesnt make them a soulmate.  A lot of people just make it work because it is easier than finding someone else.  what you wrote doesnt convince me that a person like you are describing is any different than any other guy that you WANT to make it work with. 

Quoting lurveable:

lol What? No, just sounds like understanding and working towards a better life and love together with someone you know feels the same way and trusting that you both know you don't want someone else so now you have to fix things instead of leave for the next one. It's about knowing this is it for you and for them so you both have to try your best to be good to eachother and be understanding and supportive of one another when things don't always go as planned or perfectly. Shit happens, you make the best of it together and work through it all and just stay together and are able to rest assured they are not going to walk out on you because of it, or you them.

It could maybe sound a little tangled if it was one sided, but if it was one sided it wouldn't be a soul mate situation and in a soul mate situation where things are not one sided and you both feel that deeply about each other it makes it okay to put up with or go through it all. It's not like you are expecting your other to just take on your issues, you are taking on theirs too, and yeah you expect them to be more understanding because you are too for them, and yes it is more frustrating some times or harder and you put up with more, but that is because you don't just leave for the next one because it's the easier thing to do because you truly know, both of you know, this is the one for you. So you fix things you can fix with in your relationship instead because it's not just about YOU any more, you care about them and consider them in your life too.

If you still only live for your happiness or to protect yourself or what you need and want in life, than you are not with your soul mate. Your soulmate will consider you and your happiness and safety and wants and your needs in life will matter to them as well as their own. And all that about them will matter to you too. Yes, it gets confusing, but usually only when one person doesn't really love the other like that and the relationship is one sided to where one seems to be caring about them both while one only cares about themself. When it is equal though and goes both ways, it's a beautiful deep relationship with 2 people working together to make each others lifes a brighter place happily, who would rather be hashing out an issue with them, than any where else with any one else. It has to go both ways though, it is tricky if it's falling to much to one side.

Quoting Anonymous:

sounds like a tangled web you weave

Quoting lurveable:

It requires work because even though you might feel like you WANT to not let how you where brought up or jaded in life effect your relationship or take that out on him, NO one is perfect! You both where brought up differently and see the world through different eyes and have to get to understand each other first and like, you may have jealousy issues but again not WANT too and may be trying to stop that and get over it because you do actually trust him.

The way I see it is you care enough to want to be good to your soul mate that's all that matters most, but what you want for him and to be for him [or her] won't always match up with how you are feeling because we all have been through things that make us hold back or have trust issues or get scared or upset over different things maybe because we saw our mom go through it a lot, and your man [or women] will come with their owns sets of issues like that too.

But it's about loving each other so much you want to be a better man or woman for them and accept where you are flawed and try to work on it for them always and they do the same for you and you both try your best to be supportive of each other until hopefully you can get to a place in life together where you undo all those things that effect your relationship. It's about what you want in your heart and your intentions more than what you do and helping each other be better every day.

But the biggest thing is knowing they are the one you want to walk beside through this life, no matter who, how, or what you are, and knowing that you are the one they want to walk beside too no matter what you both are going through, you know the other wants to be there for it and would follow you wherever you go to the end, just as you would follow them. Soul mates just feel more complete when they are together and like the person is worth all the trouble for a change.

No relationship with another will ever be free of work because we are all raised differently, exposed to different things, different experiences. and because they can be taken a lot more seriously and matter a hell of a lot more to each other, soulmate type relationships can need even more work than a regular relationship because you actually care a hell of a lot more to not just leave when things get tough but fix them instead. You no longer just replace the person, the person is set in stone for you for good, it has to be them, now you have to work on the issues and fix them because your soul mates happiness is essential to your own and your happiness is essential to theirs. You have to be there, and take care of each other. No more walking out or giving up or ignoring things and just finding someone new.

My feelings anyways.










Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 18, 2013 at 3:07 PM


any man can do that.  doesnt make him any different than the rest of the male population.

Quoting TheLadyAmalthea:

I think you are just trying to get panties in a twist. Too bad for you, I'm wearing granny panties today, and those things don't twist! They cover my butt and I never even get so much as a wedgie from them! I'm a happy and lucky lady to have my husband. He loves and accepts our son just the way he is. My son has severe autism. He is an awesome father to both our kids. He brings me my favorite flowers, brings me my favorite food, spends time with me, hugs me, kisses me. He always tells me how beautiful I am. And if I need a break from the kids, he takes them to the park and always gives me some time to relax. Every doctor appointment, every therapy appointment, every IEP at school, and he is there. I couldn't have dreamed up a better guy to spend my life with. 

Quoting Anonymous:

so what does he do for you? you always give to him, he takes and that is happiness?
Quoting TheLadyAmalthea:

Where in the world did I say I give up my own happiness? I am very happy with my husband, and what makes me happy is making him happy. It's not like he is emotionally abusive or demands things from me. The things I do to make him happy are so stupidly simple. Make him brownies, make his favorite dinner, surprise him with a date. He does all kinds of things to make me happy as well. A real relationship is a two way street. One person sacrificing their own happiness for their SO's happiness is not a good relationship, in fact, they should either go to therapy or get the hell out, cause that's not a relationship. That's just sad.

Quoting Anonymous:

so you give up your own happiness as long as he is happy


Quoting TheLadyAmalthea:

Every relationship needs work. If you aren't working on making your SO happy, there is something wrong. It doesn't mean you are always going to therapy or anything, but it does mean you are always working to improve your communication, your intimacy... 








Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 18, 2013 at 3:10 PM
only a fool would believe in soulmates. soulmate = settling for more attention from one guy than you got from the previous.
Quoting RoyalBlossom:

Only a fool would believe that any relationship required no work. Even for soulmates.


lurveable
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 3:22 PM
Yes but who ever said your soulmate who was perfect for you would be a perfect person? I believe you are perfect together in some ways and the exact opposite of each other in other ways so you can both teach each other so much more in life. Not to train, but to take your further, to open your mind to even more. Learning new things isn't changing yourself. Maturing and discarding old beliefs because you change your mind because something new speaks to you is positive change. You make it all sound bad but it's not. Again, I didn't say change for anyone I said for YOU. And yes you do expect them to change for you yo said so your self "if they want to change for me that's their decision" so you let them for you knowing you won't do it for them. Sounds hypocritical. Don't be sorry for whatever I do with my life, why do you care so much about me? lol And stop assuming, I don't settle because I understand he isn't perfect and don't expect him to be and know that i'm not perfect either and wouldn't want him to make me feel bad for that either. That's just realistic, something you obviously do not understand because you are so unrealistic and you are also very insecure if the only reason you won't allow your self to better yourself in life is because you are so afraid of others thinking you submit to your man. lol Okay, you keep letting that hold you back from progressing in life forever good luck with that.
Quoting Anonymous:


everyone settles there is no such thing as a soulmate that a human can create.  it is outside of our control.  I will not change for anyone nor do i expect them to for me.  Im sorry you settle for anyone or feel you need to train someone to be your type. 

Quoting lurveable:

Then you obviously haven't found yours yet because then you would know the difference. Believe me. Keep looking, you will find the one who doesn't make you feel like you are settling and who makes you stop doubting it all. You will know when you could happily waste what days you have left on this earth all with him and not want to be with any one else or ever even think about if he isn't the one any more. He will make teh questions stop and you will just feel completed finally.
Quoting Anonymous:

soulmate = settling.  there is no difference in my eyes.  Just because one guy gives you more attention or spends more $ on you than the other, doesn't make anyone a damn soulmate. 


Quoting lurveable:

Well I completely understand that! lol usually, I can't explain it really, when you meet this person, it's just an almost instant mutual connection that makes you feel more complete in life when you are in their presence even when you hardly know them enough yet and they also feel the same way about you. It's like a feeling that they can do so little, just small drops of them in your life make such a HUGE difference, and that's all it takes from them. It's so much easier for them to make you happy and you them. So you would know if you felt that deep connection with someone and then where making it work, verses getting in a relationship with someone just because it's nice and you love them and continuing to make it work. Sadly I have heard of cases of woman who where with a man sense their teens, married, with kids, thought he was their soul mate, then one day meet this random man at a random time in life, and BOOM! The connection is instant and they realize they where wrong all along. I think with a soul mate, just being with them, the little things, their smile the look in their eyes, makes the world seem better and brings you peace and can make the problems and the world just fade away when you are together, while someone you might just love a lot you may think is cute and like them a lot and feel happier around them but it's not as dramatic of a change. With someone you love a lot you might feel better having them around, but you might still always feel like something is missing. With a soul mate, you feel complete like you're sure, you don't know how, you just are. They make the questions stop and you just feel done searching. I do believe though that most likely if you still have to question it, it's not your soul mate =/ witch is really sad to me when I see it because that means there is someone out there who is still questioning things also because they haven't found you yet either. Wasting time in the wrong relationships, all though I understand might make your life easier, holds you back from getting to that special place with the right one. It's hard to talk about these things though because I know it just sounds crazy, but I do believe in soul mates. I have seen it to much to not believe. Just find the one that makes you stop asking questions or that you couldn't picture your life without. It just feels right and you will feel like "i've only got however many days left to live and I'ed like to spend them all with him there with me and when I die I want to feel I know him so well I take him with me inside me."
Quoting Anonymous:


Im sorry but this can be done with anyone.  It doesnt make them a soulmate.  A lot of people just make it work because it is easier than finding someone else.  what you wrote doesnt convince me that a person like you are describing is any different than any other guy that you WANT to make it work with. 

Quoting lurveable:

lol What? No, just sounds like understanding and working towards a better life and love together with someone you know feels the same way and trusting that you both know you don't want someone else so now you have to fix things instead of leave for the next one. It's about knowing this is it for you and for them so you both have to try your best to be good to eachother and be understanding and supportive of one another when things don't always go as planned or perfectly. Shit happens, you make the best of it together and work through it all and just stay together and are able to rest assured they are not going to walk out on you because of it, or you them.

It could maybe sound a little tangled if it was one sided, but if it was one sided it wouldn't be a soul mate situation and in a soul mate situation where things are not one sided and you both feel that deeply about each other it makes it okay to put up with or go through it all. It's not like you are expecting your other to just take on your issues, you are taking on theirs too, and yeah you expect them to be more understanding because you are too for them, and yes it is more frustrating some times or harder and you put up with more, but that is because you don't just leave for the next one because it's the easier thing to do because you truly know, both of you know, this is the one for you. So you fix things you can fix with in your relationship instead because it's not just about YOU any more, you care about them and consider them in your life too.

If you still only live for your happiness or to protect yourself or what you need and want in life, than you are not with your soul mate. Your soulmate will consider you and your happiness and safety and wants and your needs in life will matter to them as well as their own. And all that about them will matter to you too. Yes, it gets confusing, but usually only when one person doesn't really love the other like that and the relationship is one sided to where one seems to be caring about them both while one only cares about themself. When it is equal though and goes both ways, it's a beautiful deep relationship with 2 people working together to make each others lifes a brighter place happily, who would rather be hashing out an issue with them, than any where else with any one else. It has to go both ways though, it is tricky if it's falling to much to one side.

Quoting Anonymous:

sounds like a tangled web you weave

Quoting lurveable:

It requires work because even though you might feel like you WANT to not let how you where brought up or jaded in life effect your relationship or take that out on him, NO one is perfect! You both where brought up differently and see the world through different eyes and have to get to understand each other first and like, you may have jealousy issues but again not WANT too and may be trying to stop that and get over it because you do actually trust him.

The way I see it is you care enough to want to be good to your soul mate that's all that matters most, but what you want for him and to be for him [or her] won't always match up with how you are feeling because we all have been through things that make us hold back or have trust issues or get scared or upset over different things maybe because we saw our mom go through it a lot, and your man [or women] will come with their owns sets of issues like that too.

But it's about loving each other so much you want to be a better man or woman for them and accept where you are flawed and try to work on it for them always and they do the same for you and you both try your best to be supportive of each other until hopefully you can get to a place in life together where you undo all those things that effect your relationship. It's about what you want in your heart and your intentions more than what you do and helping each other be better every day.

But the biggest thing is knowing they are the one you want to walk beside through this life, no matter who, how, or what you are, and knowing that you are the one they want to walk beside too no matter what you both are going through, you know the other wants to be there for it and would follow you wherever you go to the end, just as you would follow them. Soul mates just feel more complete when they are together and like the person is worth all the trouble for a change.

No relationship with another will ever be free of work because we are all raised differently, exposed to different things, different experiences. and because they can be taken a lot more seriously and matter a hell of a lot more to each other, soulmate type relationships can need even more work than a regular relationship because you actually care a hell of a lot more to not just leave when things get tough but fix them instead. You no longer just replace the person, the person is set in stone for you for good, it has to be them, now you have to work on the issues and fix them because your soul mates happiness is essential to your own and your happiness is essential to theirs. You have to be there, and take care of each other. No more walking out or giving up or ignoring things and just finding someone new.

My feelings anyways.










MommyDearest555
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 4:07 PM

As others have probably said, All relationships require work. There is not really a PERFECT relationship as humans are not perfect. 

LilliesValley
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 4:09 PM
Sorry you didn't get what I was saying. That's ok though. We are all different journeys, good luck on yours.


Quoting Anonymous:

i wont change for anyone nor would i expect them to change for me.  sorry if you are in that type of deal where you believe you need to change for him to make a relationship last.



Quoting LilliesValley:

Not snarky but I think we all make changes for others. You may retain your personality but we change when we become mothers. We eat better or just take care of ourselves better. That's still changing yourself. Others change in small ways for their spouse or parents. Sometimes the other person just makes you realize you need to change something. I'm not so loud as I was in my 20's. Part of that is seeing my dh get a lot done with quiet ways. I usually don't need to be loud and bitchy to get shit done. I've mellowed. Did he say hey change this? no. Part of it may be getting older but part of it is growing as a person and couple. He liked me then but loves me even more now. It's part of learning and growing any relationship. Children make changes for parents some little and some big. But the point is the same. We all change and grow usually because of those around us.





Quoting Anonymous:


you say "the person you want to be for him/her".  Why the hell would you change yourself for ANYONE?  i wouldnt and i wont.  



Quoting lurveable:

It requires work because even though you might feel like you WANT to not let how you where brought up or jaded in life effect your relationship or take that out on him, NO one is perfect! You both where brought up differently and see the world through different eyes and have to get to understand each other first and like, you may have jealousy issues but again not WANT too and may be trying to stop that and get over it because you do actually trust him.

The way I see it is you care enough to want to be good to your soul mate that's all that matters most, but what you want for him and to be for him [or her] won't always match up with how you are feeling because we all have been through things that make us hold back or have trust issues or get scared or upset over different things maybe because we saw our mom go through it a lot, and your man [or women] will come with their owns sets of issues like that too.

But it's about loving each other so much you want to be a better man or woman for them and accept where you are flawed and try to work on it for them always and they do the same for you and you both try your best to be supportive of each other until hopefully you can get to a place in life together where you undo all those things that effect your relationship. It's about what you want in your heart and your intentions more than what you do and helping each other be better every day.

But the biggest thing is knowing they are the one you want to walk beside through this life, no matter who, how, or what you are, and knowing that you are the one they want to walk beside too no matter what you both are going through, you know the other wants to be there for it and would follow you wherever you go to the end, just as you would follow them. Soul mates just feel more complete when they are together and like the person is worth all the trouble for a change.

No relationship with another will ever be free of work because we are all raised differently, exposed to different things, different experiences. and because they can be taken a lot more seriously and matter a hell of a lot more to each other, soulmate type relationships can need even more work than a regular relationship because you actually care a hell of a lot more to not just leave when things get tough but fix them instead. You no longer just replace the person, the person is set in stone for you for good, it has to be them, now you have to work on the issues and fix them because your soul mates happiness is essential to your own and your happiness is essential to theirs. You have to be there, and take care of each other. No more walking out or giving up or ignoring things and just finding someone new.

My feelings anyways.











Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LilliesValley
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 4:15 PM
I've been having a similar conversation with the op. She just doesn't get it and that's fine. I personally don't believe in soul mates but I think it's silly to think we don't change our behaviors for others. A parent parents and then a child changes. As adults we find someone who is fairly compatable and we do things to make them happy and they do the same. One sidedness doesn't work in any relationship. But not everyone gets that and that's ok.


Quoting lurveable:

Yes but who ever said your soulmate who was perfect for you would be a perfect person? I believe you are perfect together in some ways and the exact opposite of each other in other ways so you can both teach each other so much more in life. Not to train, but to take your further, to open your mind to even more. Learning new things isn't changing yourself. Maturing and discarding old beliefs because you change your mind because something new speaks to you is positive change. You make it all sound bad but it's not. Again, I didn't say change for anyone I said for YOU. And yes you do expect them to change for you yo said so your self "if they want to change for me that's their decision" so you let them for you knowing you won't do it for them. Sounds hypocritical. Don't be sorry for whatever I do with my life, why do you care so much about me? lol And stop assuming, I don't settle because I understand he isn't perfect and don't expect him to be and know that i'm not perfect either and wouldn't want him to make me feel bad for that either. That's just realistic, something you obviously do not understand because you are so unrealistic and you are also very insecure if the only reason you won't allow your self to better yourself in life is because you are so afraid of others thinking you submit to your man. lol Okay, you keep letting that hold you back from progressing in life forever good luck with that.

Quoting Anonymous:


everyone settles there is no such thing as a soulmate that a human can create.  it is outside of our control.  I will not change for anyone nor do i expect them to for me.  Im sorry you settle for anyone or feel you need to train someone to be your type. 


Quoting lurveable:

Then you obviously haven't found yours yet because then you would know the difference. Believe me. Keep looking, you will find the one who doesn't make you feel like you are settling and who makes you stop doubting it all. You will know when you could happily waste what days you have left on this earth all with him and not want to be with any one else or ever even think about if he isn't the one any more. He will make teh questions stop and you will just feel completed finally.

Quoting Anonymous:

soulmate = settling.  there is no difference in my eyes.  Just because one guy gives you more attention or spends more $ on you than the other, doesn't make anyone a damn soulmate. 



Quoting lurveable:

Well I completely understand that! lol usually, I can't explain it really, when you meet this person, it's just an almost instant mutual connection that makes you feel more complete in life when you are in their presence even when you hardly know them enough yet and they also feel the same way about you. It's like a feeling that they can do so little, just small drops of them in your life make such a HUGE difference, and that's all it takes from them. It's so much easier for them to make you happy and you them. So you would know if you felt that deep connection with someone and then where making it work, verses getting in a relationship with someone just because it's nice and you love them and continuing to make it work.

Sadly I have heard of cases of woman who where with a man sense their teens, married, with kids, thought he was their soul mate, then one day meet this random man at a random time in life, and BOOM! The connection is instant and they realize they where wrong all along. I think with a soul mate, just being with them, the little things, their smile the look in their eyes, makes the world seem better and brings you peace and can make the problems and the world just fade away when you are together, while someone you might just love a lot you may think is cute and like them a lot and feel happier around them but it's not as dramatic of a change. With someone you love a lot you might feel better having them around, but you might still always feel like something is missing. With a soul mate, you feel complete like you're sure, you don't know how, you just are. They make the questions stop and you just feel done searching.

I do believe though that most likely if you still have to question it, it's not your soul mate =/ witch is really sad to me when I see it because that means there is someone out there who is still questioning things also because they haven't found you yet either. Wasting time in the wrong relationships, all though I understand might make your life easier, holds you back from getting to that special place with the right one.

It's hard to talk about these things though because I know it just sounds crazy, but I do believe in soul mates. I have seen it to much to not believe. Just find the one that makes you stop asking questions or that you couldn't picture your life without. It just feels right and you will feel like "i've only got however many days left to live and I'ed like to spend them all with him there with me and when I die I want to feel I know him so well I take him with me inside me."

Quoting Anonymous:


Im sorry but this can be done with anyone.  It doesnt make them a soulmate.  A lot of people just make it work because it is easier than finding someone else.  what you wrote doesnt convince me that a person like you are describing is any different than any other guy that you WANT to make it work with. 


Quoting lurveable:

lol What? No, just sounds like understanding and working towards a better life and love together with someone you know feels the same way and trusting that you both know you don't want someone else so now you have to fix things instead of leave for the next one. It's about knowing this is it for you and for them so you both have to try your best to be good to eachother and be understanding and supportive of one another when things don't always go as planned or perfectly. Shit happens, you make the best of it together and work through it all and just stay together and are able to rest assured they are not going to walk out on you because of it, or you them.

It could maybe sound a little tangled if it was one sided, but if it was one sided it wouldn't be a soul mate situation and in a soul mate situation where things are not one sided and you both feel that deeply about each other it makes it okay to put up with or go through it all. It's not like you are expecting your other to just take on your issues, you are taking on theirs too, and yeah you expect them to be more understanding because you are too for them, and yes it is more frustrating some times or harder and you put up with more, but that is because you don't just leave for the next one because it's the easier thing to do because you truly know, both of you know, this is the one for you. So you fix things you can fix with in your relationship instead because it's not just about YOU any more, you care about them and consider them in your life too.

If you still only live for your happiness or to protect yourself or what you need and want in life, than you are not with your soul mate. Your soulmate will consider you and your happiness and safety and wants and your needs in life will matter to them as well as their own. And all that about them will matter to you too. Yes, it gets confusing, but usually only when one person doesn't really love the other like that and the relationship is one sided to where one seems to be caring about them both while one only cares about themself. When it is equal though and goes both ways, it's a beautiful deep relationship with 2 people working together to make each others lifes a brighter place happily, who would rather be hashing out an issue with them, than any where else with any one else. It has to go both ways though, it is tricky if it's falling to much to one side.

Quoting Anonymous:

sounds like a tangled web you weave


Quoting lurveable:

It requires work because even though you might feel like you WANT to not let how you where brought up or jaded in life effect your relationship or take that out on him, NO one is perfect! You both where brought up differently and see the world through different eyes and have to get to understand each other first and like, you may have jealousy issues but again not WANT too and may be trying to stop that and get over it because you do actually trust him.

The way I see it is you care enough to want to be good to your soul mate that's all that matters most, but what you want for him and to be for him [or her] won't always match up with how you are feeling because we all have been through things that make us hold back or have trust issues or get scared or upset over different things maybe because we saw our mom go through it a lot, and your man [or women] will come with their owns sets of issues like that too.

But it's about loving each other so much you want to be a better man or woman for them and accept where you are flawed and try to work on it for them always and they do the same for you and you both try your best to be supportive of each other until hopefully you can get to a place in life together where you undo all those things that effect your relationship. It's about what you want in your heart and your intentions more than what you do and helping each other be better every day.

But the biggest thing is knowing they are the one you want to walk beside through this life, no matter who, how, or what you are, and knowing that you are the one they want to walk beside too no matter what you both are going through, you know the other wants to be there for it and would follow you wherever you go to the end, just as you would follow them. Soul mates just feel more complete when they are together and like the person is worth all the trouble for a change.

No relationship with another will ever be free of work because we are all raised differently, exposed to different things, different experiences. and because they can be taken a lot more seriously and matter a hell of a lot more to each other, soulmate type relationships can need even more work than a regular relationship because you actually care a hell of a lot more to not just leave when things get tough but fix them instead. You no longer just replace the person, the person is set in stone for you for good, it has to be them, now you have to work on the issues and fix them because your soul mates happiness is essential to your own and your happiness is essential to theirs. You have to be there, and take care of each other. No more walking out or giving up or ignoring things and just finding someone new.

My feelings anyways.















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tattdmom2prncss
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 4:20 PM

 Not true. Every person is still an individual and they are still going to find differences that they need to work through. Whether it be perspectives & opinions, events  in their lives that changed their perogatives, etc. My DH & I are absolute soul mates. We can not bare to be away from eachother and will absolutely spend the rest of our lives together. Everyday is a blessing with him and my life would be incomplete without him. But MAN can he grind my nerves! LMAO We fight over some of the silliest things on the planet. Part of it is due to our similarities, both being thick skulled, stubborn and opinionated. We've both been through a lot of trial in our lives and at different points some of that comes into play in our relationship. But he's my everything, my family with him completes me. I couldnt bare t o think of life without my soulmate, no matter how crazy he drives me.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 18, 2013 at 4:21 PM

Not being hypocritical at all.  I wont change and that is me.  I dont TRAIN anyone.  If they want to change that is their choice, it is not me begging him to.  That's what I said and I stand by it.  I dont ask anyone to change to please me nor do i expect.  I dont control others actions as you may.  So i did NOT contradict anything i said.


Quoting lurveable:

Yes but who ever said your soulmate who was perfect for you would be a perfect person? I believe you are perfect together in some ways and the exact opposite of each other in other ways so you can both teach each other so much more in life. Not to train, but to take your further, to open your mind to even more. Learning new things isn't changing yourself. Maturing and discarding old beliefs because you change your mind because something new speaks to you is positive change. You make it all sound bad but it's not. Again, I didn't say change for anyone I said for YOU. And yes you do expect them to change for you yo said so your self "if they want to change for me that's their decision" so you let them for you knowing you won't do it for them. Sounds hypocritical. Don't be sorry for whatever I do with my life, why do you care so much about me? lol And stop assuming, I don't settle because I understand he isn't perfect and don't expect him to be and know that i'm not perfect either and wouldn't want him to make me feel bad for that either. That's just realistic, something you obviously do not understand because you are so unrealistic and you are also very insecure if the only reason you won't allow your self to better yourself in life is because you are so afraid of others thinking you submit to your man. lol Okay, you keep letting that hold you back from progressing in life forever good luck with that.
Quoting Anonymous:


everyone settles there is no such thing as a soulmate that a human can create.  it is outside of our control.  I will not change for anyone nor do i expect them to for me.  Im sorry you settle for anyone or feel you need to train someone to be your type. 

Quoting lurveable:

Then you obviously haven't found yours yet because then you would know the difference. Believe me. Keep looking, you will find the one who doesn't make you feel like you are settling and who makes you stop doubting it all. You will know when you could happily waste what days you have left on this earth all with him and not want to be with any one else or ever even think about if he isn't the one any more. He will make teh questions stop and you will just feel completed finally.
Quoting Anonymous:

soulmate = settling.  there is no difference in my eyes.  Just because one guy gives you more attention or spends more $ on you than the other, doesn't make anyone a damn soulmate. 


Quoting lurveable:

Well I completely understand that! lol usually, I can't explain it really, when you meet this person, it's just an almost instant mutual connection that makes you feel more complete in life when you are in their presence even when you hardly know them enough yet and they also feel the same way about you. It's like a feeling that they can do so little, just small drops of them in your life make such a HUGE difference, and that's all it takes from them. It's so much easier for them to make you happy and you them. So you would know if you felt that deep connection with someone and then where making it work, verses getting in a relationship with someone just because it's nice and you love them and continuing to make it work. Sadly I have heard of cases of woman who where with a man sense their teens, married, with kids, thought he was their soul mate, then one day meet this random man at a random time in life, and BOOM! The connection is instant and they realize they where wrong all along. I think with a soul mate, just being with them, the little things, their smile the look in their eyes, makes the world seem better and brings you peace and can make the problems and the world just fade away when you are together, while someone you might just love a lot you may think is cute and like them a lot and feel happier around them but it's not as dramatic of a change. With someone you love a lot you might feel better having them around, but you might still always feel like something is missing. With a soul mate, you feel complete like you're sure, you don't know how, you just are. They make the questions stop and you just feel done searching. I do believe though that most likely if you still have to question it, it's not your soul mate =/ witch is really sad to me when I see it because that means there is someone out there who is still questioning things also because they haven't found you yet either. Wasting time in the wrong relationships, all though I understand might make your life easier, holds you back from getting to that special place with the right one. It's hard to talk about these things though because I know it just sounds crazy, but I do believe in soul mates. I have seen it to much to not believe. Just find the one that makes you stop asking questions or that you couldn't picture your life without. It just feels right and you will feel like "i've only got however many days left to live and I'ed like to spend them all with him there with me and when I die I want to feel I know him so well I take him with me inside me."
Quoting Anonymous:


Im sorry but this can be done with anyone.  It doesnt make them a soulmate.  A lot of people just make it work because it is easier than finding someone else.  what you wrote doesnt convince me that a person like you are describing is any different than any other guy that you WANT to make it work with. 

Quoting lurveable:

lol What? No, just sounds like understanding and working towards a better life and love together with someone you know feels the same way and trusting that you both know you don't want someone else so now you have to fix things instead of leave for the next one. It's about knowing this is it for you and for them so you both have to try your best to be good to eachother and be understanding and supportive of one another when things don't always go as planned or perfectly. Shit happens, you make the best of it together and work through it all and just stay together and are able to rest assured they are not going to walk out on you because of it, or you them.

It could maybe sound a little tangled if it was one sided, but if it was one sided it wouldn't be a soul mate situation and in a soul mate situation where things are not one sided and you both feel that deeply about each other it makes it okay to put up with or go through it all. It's not like you are expecting your other to just take on your issues, you are taking on theirs too, and yeah you expect them to be more understanding because you are too for them, and yes it is more frustrating some times or harder and you put up with more, but that is because you don't just leave for the next one because it's the easier thing to do because you truly know, both of you know, this is the one for you. So you fix things you can fix with in your relationship instead because it's not just about YOU any more, you care about them and consider them in your life too.

If you still only live for your happiness or to protect yourself or what you need and want in life, than you are not with your soul mate. Your soulmate will consider you and your happiness and safety and wants and your needs in life will matter to them as well as their own. And all that about them will matter to you too. Yes, it gets confusing, but usually only when one person doesn't really love the other like that and the relationship is one sided to where one seems to be caring about them both while one only cares about themself. When it is equal though and goes both ways, it's a beautiful deep relationship with 2 people working together to make each others lifes a brighter place happily, who would rather be hashing out an issue with them, than any where else with any one else. It has to go both ways though, it is tricky if it's falling to much to one side.

Quoting Anonymous:

sounds like a tangled web you weave

Quoting lurveable:

It requires work because even though you might feel like you WANT to not let how you where brought up or jaded in life effect your relationship or take that out on him, NO one is perfect! You both where brought up differently and see the world through different eyes and have to get to understand each other first and like, you may have jealousy issues but again not WANT too and may be trying to stop that and get over it because you do actually trust him.

The way I see it is you care enough to want to be good to your soul mate that's all that matters most, but what you want for him and to be for him [or her] won't always match up with how you are feeling because we all have been through things that make us hold back or have trust issues or get scared or upset over different things maybe because we saw our mom go through it a lot, and your man [or women] will come with their owns sets of issues like that too.

But it's about loving each other so much you want to be a better man or woman for them and accept where you are flawed and try to work on it for them always and they do the same for you and you both try your best to be supportive of each other until hopefully you can get to a place in life together where you undo all those things that effect your relationship. It's about what you want in your heart and your intentions more than what you do and helping each other be better every day.

But the biggest thing is knowing they are the one you want to walk beside through this life, no matter who, how, or what you are, and knowing that you are the one they want to walk beside too no matter what you both are going through, you know the other wants to be there for it and would follow you wherever you go to the end, just as you would follow them. Soul mates just feel more complete when they are together and like the person is worth all the trouble for a change.

No relationship with another will ever be free of work because we are all raised differently, exposed to different things, different experiences. and because they can be taken a lot more seriously and matter a hell of a lot more to each other, soulmate type relationships can need even more work than a regular relationship because you actually care a hell of a lot more to not just leave when things get tough but fix them instead. You no longer just replace the person, the person is set in stone for you for good, it has to be them, now you have to work on the issues and fix them because your soul mates happiness is essential to your own and your happiness is essential to theirs. You have to be there, and take care of each other. No more walking out or giving up or ignoring things and just finding someone new.

My feelings anyways.












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