Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should a TRUE soulmate relationship require work?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

If someone is TRULY your soulmate, why should a relationship require work?  A soulmate matches you perfectly and everything should fall into place. 

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 18, 2013 at 8:30 AM
Replies (101-110):
lurveable
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 5:35 AM
1 mom liked this

lol Stop being so insecure and in love with me. What's the matter hunny? Boyfriend still neglecting you and still desperate for attention? There, there, it's gonna be okay. Isn't it funny how no one agrees with you? That must hurt after a long day of your boyfriend ignoring your existance and not having any friends while you anon because you're are to much a coward to come forward with who you really are or show your face and desperately seek negative attention because it's the only kind you can get from better woman than you are on cafemom. You are such a miserable person it's so sad. Poor thing. It will get better some day you can't stay stupid forever no matter how much you are trying to. Like it or not change will happen to you too and when it does don't freak out or panic! It doesn't meen you are submitting to anyone! Just let it come

Quoting Anonymous:


Ok you have convinced me that yes you are a pussy or you submit to anyone that claims to "change for you".  Truthfully you are a flipping idiot who cannot even write English worth a shit.  So when you can figure out how to write so people can read it without run on sentences and whatever other garbage you threw in there, come back then. Because right now, you are a waste of time, air and space on the server.  haha   Bow down to that man.  

Quoting lurveable:

It is sort of hypocritical of you to let others change for you when you won't change. You lead a life that you won't change for others and talk down to others who would change for someone yet would let them do it for you if it benefited you. Again you don't seem very intelligent if you can't grasp that I am not speaking of training anyone. I said changing for your self and them changing for them self because you want to be a better person and grow and just being supportive of each other. I don't know why that is so hard or you to understand. You are all no I will never change at all I accept myself! okay, again, you seem freakishly insecure about being seen as submitting or bowing down to any one so you refuse to open that narrow mind of yours enough to see that you can still make changes in life because YOU want to, to learn and grow still and not be stuck with your what seems like insecure 18 year old mind forever. No one is perfect and rater you realize it or not you are not either and you probably notice things you do wrong in life and relationships too and try to change and stop doing them just like everyone else does, so you do change to, and me telling you that you could get in a relation ship with a man who always sees things about himself he wants to change to be a better man not for you first but for himself and it just benefits you after the fact and how you both could encourage each other and be supportive still does not make any one trained. I never said or implied I controlled any ones actions or begged lol where do you get this stuff? I didn't even say ask someone to change. If you woke up tomorrow realizing you don't listen very well and decided to try to be a better listener because it's what you want and not because any one asked you too, then told your man about it and he was supportive and it would benefit him also obviously, that isn't him asking or training you or submitting, it's you wanting to be a better person, and yeah part of that could be because you love your man and want to be better for him, but only because it's what you want not just because it would make him happier, you just want and are ready to grow. You sound a bit crazy deary. No one is submitting by being open to caring about the ones they love and trusting that they care about them to so that it's okay to not be so protective because you trust they won't hurt you and know you won't hurt them. Like it or not you are just extremely jaded and sound like you take that out on every man you ever have been with.
Quoting Anonymous:

Not being hypocritical at all.  I wont change and that is me.  I dont TRAIN anyone.  If they want to change that is their choice, it is not me begging him to.  That's what I said and I stand by it.  I dont ask anyone to change to please me nor do i expect.  I dont control others actions as you may.  So i did NOT contradict anything i said.


Quoting lurveable:

Yes but who ever said your soulmate who was perfect for you would be a perfect person? I believe you are perfect together in some ways and the exact opposite of each other in other ways so you can both teach each other so much more in life. Not to train, but to take your further, to open your mind to even more. Learning new things isn't changing yourself. Maturing and discarding old beliefs because you change your mind because something new speaks to you is positive change. You make it all sound bad but it's not. Again, I didn't say change for anyone I said for YOU. And yes you do expect them to change for you yo said so your self "if they want to change for me that's their decision" so you let them for you knowing you won't do it for them. Sounds hypocritical. Don't be sorry for whatever I do with my life, why do you care so much about me? lol And stop assuming, I don't settle because I understand he isn't perfect and don't expect him to be and know that i'm not perfect either and wouldn't want him to make me feel bad for that either. That's just realistic, something you obviously do not understand because you are so unrealistic and you are also very insecure if the only reason you won't allow your self to better yourself in life is because you are so afraid of others thinking you submit to your man. lol Okay, you keep letting that hold you back from progressing in life forever good luck with that.
Quoting Anonymous:


everyone settles there is no such thing as a soulmate that a human can create.  it is outside of our control.  I will not change for anyone nor do i expect them to for me.  Im sorry you settle for anyone or feel you need to train someone to be your type. 

Quoting lurveable:

Then you obviously haven't found yours yet because then you would know the difference. Believe me. Keep looking, you will find the one who doesn't make you feel like you are settling and who makes you stop doubting it all. You will know when you could happily waste what days you have left on this earth all with him and not want to be with any one else or ever even think about if he isn't the one any more. He will make teh questions stop and you will just feel completed finally.
Quoting Anonymous:

soulmate = settling.  there is no difference in my eyes.  Just because one guy gives you more attention or spends more $ on you than the other, doesn't make anyone a damn soulmate. 


Quoting lurveable:

Well I completely understand that! lol usually, I can't explain it really, when you meet this person, it's just an almost instant mutual connection that makes you feel more complete in life when you are in their presence even when you hardly know them enough yet and they also feel the same way about you. It's like a feeling that they can do so little, just small drops of them in your life make such a HUGE difference, and that's all it takes from them. It's so much easier for them to make you happy and you them. So you would know if you felt that deep connection with someone and then where making it work, verses getting in a relationship with someone just because it's nice and you love them and continuing to make it work. Sadly I have heard of cases of woman who where with a man sense their teens, married, with kids, thought he was their soul mate, then one day meet this random man at a random time in life, and BOOM! The connection is instant and they realize they where wrong all along. I think with a soul mate, just being with them, the little things, their smile the look in their eyes, makes the world seem better and brings you peace and can make the problems and the world just fade away when you are together, while someone you might just love a lot you may think is cute and like them a lot and feel happier around them but it's not as dramatic of a change. With someone you love a lot you might feel better having them around, but you might still always feel like something is missing. With a soul mate, you feel complete like you're sure, you don't know how, you just are. They make the questions stop and you just feel done searching. I do believe though that most likely if you still have to question it, it's not your soul mate =/ witch is really sad to me when I see it because that means there is someone out there who is still questioning things also because they haven't found you yet either. Wasting time in the wrong relationships, all though I understand might make your life easier, holds you back from getting to that special place with the right one. It's hard to talk about these things though because I know it just sounds crazy, but I do believe in soul mates. I have seen it to much to not believe. Just find the one that makes you stop asking questions or that you couldn't picture your life without. It just feels right and you will feel like "i've only got however many days left to live and I'ed like to spend them all with him there with me and when I die I want to feel I know him so well I take him with me inside me."
Quoting Anonymous:


Im sorry but this can be done with anyone.  It doesnt make them a soulmate.  A lot of people just make it work because it is easier than finding someone else.  what you wrote doesnt convince me that a person like you are describing is any different than any other guy that you WANT to make it work with. 

Quoting lurveable:

lol What? No, just sounds like understanding and working towards a better life and love together with someone you know feels the same way and trusting that you both know you don't want someone else so now you have to fix things instead of leave for the next one. It's about knowing this is it for you and for them so you both have to try your best to be good to eachother and be understanding and supportive of one another when things don't always go as planned or perfectly. Shit happens, you make the best of it together and work through it all and just stay together and are able to rest assured they are not going to walk out on you because of it, or you them.

It could maybe sound a little tangled if it was one sided, but if it was one sided it wouldn't be a soul mate situation and in a soul mate situation where things are not one sided and you both feel that deeply about each other it makes it okay to put up with or go through it all. It's not like you are expecting your other to just take on your issues, you are taking on theirs too, and yeah you expect them to be more understanding because you are too for them, and yes it is more frustrating some times or harder and you put up with more, but that is because you don't just leave for the next one because it's the easier thing to do because you truly know, both of you know, this is the one for you. So you fix things you can fix with in your relationship instead because it's not just about YOU any more, you care about them and consider them in your life too.

If you still only live for your happiness or to protect yourself or what you need and want in life, than you are not with your soul mate. Your soulmate will consider you and your happiness and safety and wants and your needs in life will matter to them as well as their own. And all that about them will matter to you too. Yes, it gets confusing, but usually only when one person doesn't really love the other like that and the relationship is one sided to where one seems to be caring about them both while one only cares about themself. When it is equal though and goes both ways, it's a beautiful deep relationship with 2 people working together to make each others lifes a brighter place happily, who would rather be hashing out an issue with them, than any where else with any one else. It has to go both ways though, it is tricky if it's falling to much to one side.

Quoting Anonymous:

sounds like a tangled web you weave

Quoting lurveable:

It requires work because even though you might feel like you WANT to not let how you where brought up or jaded in life effect your relationship or take that out on him, NO one is perfect! You both where brought up differently and see the world through different eyes and have to get to understand each other first and like, you may have jealousy issues but again not WANT too and may be trying to stop that and get over it because you do actually trust him.

The way I see it is you care enough to want to be good to your soul mate that's all that matters most, but what you want for him and to be for him [or her] won't always match up with how you are feeling because we all have been through things that make us hold back or have trust issues or get scared or upset over different things maybe because we saw our mom go through it a lot, and your man [or women] will come with their owns sets of issues like that too.

But it's about loving each other so much you want to be a better man or woman for them and accept where you are flawed and try to work on it for them always and they do the same for you and you both try your best to be supportive of each other until hopefully you can get to a place in life together where you undo all those things that effect your relationship. It's about what you want in your heart and your intentions more than what you do and helping each other be better every day.

But the biggest thing is knowing they are the one you want to walk beside through this life, no matter who, how, or what you are, and knowing that you are the one they want to walk beside too no matter what you both are going through, you know the other wants to be there for it and would follow you wherever you go to the end, just as you would follow them. Soul mates just feel more complete when they are together and like the person is worth all the trouble for a change.

No relationship with another will ever be free of work because we are all raised differently, exposed to different things, different experiences. and because they can be taken a lot more seriously and matter a hell of a lot more to each other, soulmate type relationships can need even more work than a regular relationship because you actually care a hell of a lot more to not just leave when things get tough but fix them instead. You no longer just replace the person, the person is set in stone for you for good, it has to be them, now you have to work on the issues and fix them because your soul mates happiness is essential to your own and your happiness is essential to theirs. You have to be there, and take care of each other. No more walking out or giving up or ignoring things and just finding someone new.

My feelings anyways.















mdawn028
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 5:46 AM
Honey in a relationship every thing always requires work on both parts. If it didn't it would be a fantasy.world and something wouldn't be right. Life in general requires work everything does. Hugs Dawna
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
shimmifairy
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 7:04 AM
1 mom liked this


Hunny, no one should "complete" you...If you need someone to fill up, fill out, fill in any part of you then you're not a whole person...And if you're not a whole person, then you can't have a healthy relationship...

My husband compliments me, he understands me and he loves me....for the whole person that I am....there was nothing that being with him "fixed" because though I love him deeply I was a whole human being when we met, and (God forbid) if anything ever happened I would be a whole human being without him...

Quoting Anonymous:


Well then that blows my idea of a soulmate.  a person who fits you perfectly.  To be it shouldn't require work if they are your 'soulmate", that is meant to be your half you are missing.  

Quoting shimmifairy:

I'll use this as an analogy....

You have the most beatiful rare flowering plant...you get it and it's full and healthy and a joy to look upon...You don't pay any attention to it, and it stays that way for awhile...maybe a pretty long time until you notice it's starting to wilt...but it still looks very nice, and it still makes you happy to look at it, so you keep on as you have....well, now the leaves are starting to look a little yellow on one side and a little brown on the edges of the other...But you've never had to do anything with it before, so you just let things go as they have been...Until one day, it's almost dead...So now you want to save it....So you notice how dry the soil is...Because you didn't water it...How few, if any, flowers there are...Because you didn't feed it....How any growth that happened was only on one side and it might be a little fried and tired looking...because you didn't make sure each was in the sun equally....But that there hasn't been any recent growth because it's rootbound in a pot too small for it now...You didn't give it room or opportunity to expand....

You can try to water and feed it, you can try to give it a bigger pot....you can try letting the other side have sunlight to grow and the fried side shade to rest....it may live, it may not....

Your soul mate relationship is like that...You can just gaze it it in awe for awhile, but you're going to have to water it (with emotion) feed it (with time and trust) make sure both side get sunlight (with attention) and change it to a bigger pot ( life circumstances) to give it room to grow and expand...If you dont', like that plant, you'll wake up one day to find it nearly dead and all the work in the world might not save it then....





Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Apr. 19, 2013 at 7:12 AM
1 mom liked this


That's okay. The rest of us know what a cunt you are. And let's not get into grammar, unless you'd like me to go back and correct all of your mistakes for you. Attacking someone's grammar means you have nothing to say. Either you are the best troll in the world or a pathetic excuse for a human being.

Were you molested as a child? It could explain the angry, bitter attitude. Also, considering your immediate animosity towards lurveable, it's quite easy to figure out that you are the same pathetic anon that pisses and moans constantly about her 3rd shift boyfriend who watches television and ignores her. Poor thing. It must really suck to be you.

Quoting Anonymous:


Ok you have convinced me that yes you are a pussy or you submit to anyone that claims to "change for you".  Truthfully you are a flipping idiot who cannot even write English worth a shit.  So when you can figure out how to write so people can read it without run on sentences and whatever other garbage you threw in there, come back then. Because right now, you are a waste of time, air and space on the server.  haha   Bow down to that man.  

Quoting lurveable:

It is sort of hypocritical of you to let others change for you when you won't change. You lead a life that you won't change for others and talk down to others who would change for someone yet would let them do it for you if it benefited you. Again you don't seem very intelligent if you can't grasp that I am not speaking of training anyone. I said changing for your self and them changing for them self because you want to be a better person and grow and just being supportive of each other. I don't know why that is so hard or you to understand. You are all no I will never change at all I accept myself! okay, again, you seem freakishly insecure about being seen as submitting or bowing down to any one so you refuse to open that narrow mind of yours enough to see that you can still make changes in life because YOU want to, to learn and grow still and not be stuck with your what seems like insecure 18 year old mind forever. No one is perfect and rater you realize it or not you are not either and you probably notice things you do wrong in life and relationships too and try to change and stop doing them just like everyone else does, so you do change to, and me telling you that you could get in a relation ship with a man who always sees things about himself he wants to change to be a better man not for you first but for himself and it just benefits you after the fact and how you both could encourage each other and be supportive still does not make any one trained. I never said or implied I controlled any ones actions or begged lol where do you get this stuff? I didn't even say ask someone to change. If you woke up tomorrow realizing you don't listen very well and decided to try to be a better listener because it's what you want and not because any one asked you too, then told your man about it and he was supportive and it would benefit him also obviously, that isn't him asking or training you or submitting, it's you wanting to be a better person, and yeah part of that could be because you love your man and want to be better for him, but only because it's what you want not just because it would make him happier, you just want and are ready to grow. You sound a bit crazy deary. No one is submitting by being open to caring about the ones they love and trusting that they care about them to so that it's okay to not be so protective because you trust they won't hurt you and know you won't hurt them. Like it or not you are just extremely jaded and sound like you take that out on every man you ever have been with.

MeaganP
by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 7:22 AM
1 mom liked this
Soul mates are just a dream any thing good in life requires work
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:26 AM
lmao. You do know more than a second grade education and can actually write English or did your mommy have to do that for you.
Quoting lurveable:

lol Stop being so insecure and in love with me. What's the matter hunny? Boyfriend still neglecting you and still desperate for attention? There, there, it's gonna be okay. Isn't it funny how no one agrees with you? That must hurt after a long day of your boyfriend ignoring your existance and not having any friends while you anon because you're are to much a coward to come forward with who you really are or show your face and desperately seek negative attention because it's the only kind you can get from better woman than you are on cafemom. You are such a miserable person it's so sad. Poor thing. It will get better some day you can't stay stupid forever no matter how much you are trying to. Like it or not change will happen to you too and when it does don't freak out or panic! It doesn't meen you are submitting to anyone! Just let it come

Quoting Anonymous:


Ok you have convinced me that yes you are a pussy or you submit to anyone that claims to "change for you".  Truthfully you are a flipping idiot who cannot even write English worth a shit.  So when you can figure out how to write so people can read it without run on sentences and whatever other garbage you threw in there, come back then. Because right now, you are a waste of time, air and space on the server.  haha   Bow down to that man.  

Quoting lurveable:

It is sort of hypocritical of you to let others change for you when you won't change. You lead a life that you won't change for others and talk down to others who would change for someone yet would let them do it for you if it benefited you. Again you don't seem very intelligent if you can't grasp that I am not speaking of training anyone. I said changing for your self and them changing for them self because you want to be a better person and grow and just being supportive of each other. I don't know why that is so hard or you to understand. You are all no I will never change at all I accept myself! okay, again, you seem freakishly insecure about being seen as submitting or bowing down to any one so you refuse to open that narrow mind of yours enough to see that you can still make changes in life because YOU want to, to learn and grow still and not be stuck with your what seems like insecure 18 year old mind forever. No one is perfect and rater you realize it or not you are not either and you probably notice things you do wrong in life and relationships too and try to change and stop doing them just like everyone else does, so you do change to, and me telling you that you could get in a relation ship with a man who always sees things about himself he wants to change to be a better man not for you first but for himself and it just benefits you after the fact and how you both could encourage each other and be supportive still does not make any one trained. I never said or implied I controlled any ones actions or begged lol where do you get this stuff? I didn't even say ask someone to change. If you woke up tomorrow realizing you don't listen very well and decided to try to be a better listener because it's what you want and not because any one asked you too, then told your man about it and he was supportive and it would benefit him also obviously, that isn't him asking or training you or submitting, it's you wanting to be a better person, and yeah part of that could be because you love your man and want to be better for him, but only because it's what you want not just because it would make him happier, you just want and are ready to grow. You sound a bit crazy deary. No one is submitting by being open to caring about the ones they love and trusting that they care about them to so that it's okay to not be so protective because you trust they won't hurt you and know you won't hurt them. Like it or not you are just extremely jaded and sound like you take that out on every man you ever have been with.
Quoting Anonymous:

Not being hypocritical at all.  I wont change and that is me.  I dont TRAIN anyone.  If they want to change that is their choice, it is not me begging him to.  That's what I said and I stand by it.  I dont ask anyone to change to please me nor do i expect.  I dont control others actions as you may.  So i did NOT contradict anything i said.


Quoting lurveable:

Yes but who ever said your soulmate who was perfect for you would be a perfect person? I believe you are perfect together in some ways and the exact opposite of each other in other ways so you can both teach each other so much more in life. Not to train, but to take your further, to open your mind to even more. Learning new things isn't changing yourself. Maturing and discarding old beliefs because you change your mind because something new speaks to you is positive change. You make it all sound bad but it's not. Again, I didn't say change for anyone I said for YOU. And yes you do expect them to change for you yo said so your self "if they want to change for me that's their decision" so you let them for you knowing you won't do it for them. Sounds hypocritical. Don't be sorry for whatever I do with my life, why do you care so much about me? lol And stop assuming, I don't settle because I understand he isn't perfect and don't expect him to be and know that i'm not perfect either and wouldn't want him to make me feel bad for that either. That's just realistic, something you obviously do not understand because you are so unrealistic and you are also very insecure if the only reason you won't allow your self to better yourself in life is because you are so afraid of others thinking you submit to your man. lol Okay, you keep letting that hold you back from progressing in life forever good luck with that.
Quoting Anonymous:


everyone settles there is no such thing as a soulmate that a human can create.  it is outside of our control.  I will not change for anyone nor do i expect them to for me.  Im sorry you settle for anyone or feel you need to train someone to be your type. 

Quoting lurveable:

Then you obviously haven't found yours yet because then you would know the difference. Believe me. Keep looking, you will find the one who doesn't make you feel like you are settling and who makes you stop doubting it all. You will know when you could happily waste what days you have left on this earth all with him and not want to be with any one else or ever even think about if he isn't the one any more. He will make teh questions stop and you will just feel completed finally.
Quoting Anonymous:

soulmate = settling.  there is no difference in my eyes.  Just because one guy gives you more attention or spends more $ on you than the other, doesn't make anyone a damn soulmate. 


Quoting lurveable:

Well I completely understand that! lol usually, I can't explain it really, when you meet this person, it's just an almost instant mutual connection that makes you feel more complete in life when you are in their presence even when you hardly know them enough yet and they also feel the same way about you. It's like a feeling that they can do so little, just small drops of them in your life make such a HUGE difference, and that's all it takes from them. It's so much easier for them to make you happy and you them. So you would know if you felt that deep connection with someone and then where making it work, verses getting in a relationship with someone just because it's nice and you love them and continuing to make it work. Sadly I have heard of cases of woman who where with a man sense their teens, married, with kids, thought he was their soul mate, then one day meet this random man at a random time in life, and BOOM! The connection is instant and they realize they where wrong all along. I think with a soul mate, just being with them, the little things, their smile the look in their eyes, makes the world seem better and brings you peace and can make the problems and the world just fade away when you are together, while someone you might just love a lot you may think is cute and like them a lot and feel happier around them but it's not as dramatic of a change. With someone you love a lot you might feel better having them around, but you might still always feel like something is missing. With a soul mate, you feel complete like you're sure, you don't know how, you just are. They make the questions stop and you just feel done searching. I do believe though that most likely if you still have to question it, it's not your soul mate =/ witch is really sad to me when I see it because that means there is someone out there who is still questioning things also because they haven't found you yet either. Wasting time in the wrong relationships, all though I understand might make your life easier, holds you back from getting to that special place with the right one. It's hard to talk about these things though because I know it just sounds crazy, but I do believe in soul mates. I have seen it to much to not believe. Just find the one that makes you stop asking questions or that you couldn't picture your life without. It just feels right and you will feel like "i've only got however many days left to live and I'ed like to spend them all with him there with me and when I die I want to feel I know him so well I take him with me inside me."
Quoting Anonymous:


Im sorry but this can be done with anyone.  It doesnt make them a soulmate.  A lot of people just make it work because it is easier than finding someone else.  what you wrote doesnt convince me that a person like you are describing is any different than any other guy that you WANT to make it work with. 

Quoting lurveable:

lol What? No, just sounds like understanding and working towards a better life and love together with someone you know feels the same way and trusting that you both know you don't want someone else so now you have to fix things instead of leave for the next one. It's about knowing this is it for you and for them so you both have to try your best to be good to eachother and be understanding and supportive of one another when things don't always go as planned or perfectly. Shit happens, you make the best of it together and work through it all and just stay together and are able to rest assured they are not going to walk out on you because of it, or you them.

It could maybe sound a little tangled if it was one sided, but if it was one sided it wouldn't be a soul mate situation and in a soul mate situation where things are not one sided and you both feel that deeply about each other it makes it okay to put up with or go through it all. It's not like you are expecting your other to just take on your issues, you are taking on theirs too, and yeah you expect them to be more understanding because you are too for them, and yes it is more frustrating some times or harder and you put up with more, but that is because you don't just leave for the next one because it's the easier thing to do because you truly know, both of you know, this is the one for you. So you fix things you can fix with in your relationship instead because it's not just about YOU any more, you care about them and consider them in your life too.

If you still only live for your happiness or to protect yourself or what you need and want in life, than you are not with your soul mate. Your soulmate will consider you and your happiness and safety and wants and your needs in life will matter to them as well as their own. And all that about them will matter to you too. Yes, it gets confusing, but usually only when one person doesn't really love the other like that and the relationship is one sided to where one seems to be caring about them both while one only cares about themself. When it is equal though and goes both ways, it's a beautiful deep relationship with 2 people working together to make each others lifes a brighter place happily, who would rather be hashing out an issue with them, than any where else with any one else. It has to go both ways though, it is tricky if it's falling to much to one side.

Quoting Anonymous:

sounds like a tangled web you weave

Quoting lurveable:

It requires work because even though you might feel like you WANT to not let how you where brought up or jaded in life effect your relationship or take that out on him, NO one is perfect! You both where brought up differently and see the world through different eyes and have to get to understand each other first and like, you may have jealousy issues but again not WANT too and may be trying to stop that and get over it because you do actually trust him.

The way I see it is you care enough to want to be good to your soul mate that's all that matters most, but what you want for him and to be for him [or her] won't always match up with how you are feeling because we all have been through things that make us hold back or have trust issues or get scared or upset over different things maybe because we saw our mom go through it a lot, and your man [or women] will come with their owns sets of issues like that too.

But it's about loving each other so much you want to be a better man or woman for them and accept where you are flawed and try to work on it for them always and they do the same for you and you both try your best to be supportive of each other until hopefully you can get to a place in life together where you undo all those things that effect your relationship. It's about what you want in your heart and your intentions more than what you do and helping each other be better every day.

But the biggest thing is knowing they are the one you want to walk beside through this life, no matter who, how, or what you are, and knowing that you are the one they want to walk beside too no matter what you both are going through, you know the other wants to be there for it and would follow you wherever you go to the end, just as you would follow them. Soul mates just feel more complete when they are together and like the person is worth all the trouble for a change.

No relationship with another will ever be free of work because we are all raised differently, exposed to different things, different experiences. and because they can be taken a lot more seriously and matter a hell of a lot more to each other, soulmate type relationships can need even more work than a regular relationship because you actually care a hell of a lot more to not just leave when things get tough but fix them instead. You no longer just replace the person, the person is set in stone for you for good, it has to be them, now you have to work on the issues and fix them because your soul mates happiness is essential to your own and your happiness is essential to theirs. You have to be there, and take care of each other. No more walking out or giving up or ignoring things and just finding someone new.

My feelings anyways.
















Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:30 AM


Then there must be more than one man for each woman and vice versa because any man/woman would do those things for the opposite sex.  What makes a person stick with someone is called settling and nothing separates that man/woman from anyone else.  You choose to accept the person for how they are or you do as some people on here "you TRAIN the opposite sex to do what you want". 

Quoting spicy_n_sweet:

Even though I don't believe in soulmates I wanted to say this.

OP: in your responses to others I see a common theme "any man can do that... what makes him so special/the one/etc..........   Here's my answer to those questions.  He does those things for you.  Yes any man can do those things. However that doesn't many that any man will do them for just any woman..or vice a versa...  The one who will do those things for you and only you, is the one for you.. If you believe in there only being one. (  I totally just heard the Highlander "there can only be one!!!").



momof4loves4
by Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 9:07 AM
ALL relationships require work! On both ends! Especially with your soul mate!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
momof4loves4
by Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 9:57 AM
Lurevable, I agree with every word you said. Even anon knows there is truth in every word you said or she wouldn't be picking apart your Language arts skills and pick on you bringing up your mom. Grow up anon. I hope one day you mature a bit and do find your soul mate. They absolutely exist and this woman explained to you more than once in many different ways (very nicely might I add, for YOUR sake, remember YOU asked for advice) what a soul mate is. Obviously you haven't found yours yet. Next you will say love at first sight doesn't exist either. I feel sad for you. At the same time, you sound like a miserable woman who has some issues to work on. If you are lucky and open your narrow mind a bit, you just may find your soul mate one day. If you continue to be hateful to complete strangers giving advice and their opinion on a question YOU ASKED, you will just chase away any good man you will ever meet. I don't know why you asked for advice if you are just going to bash REAL responses from successful soul mate relationships! Don't bother responding to me because you aren't right with yourself yet to be able to find or know what a soul mate is. This woman explained it in so many ways and you still don't get it. Those of us who do will continue to enjoy our soul mates and our lives that are complete and happy. I hope you learn a little and enjoy your life with or without your soul mate sooner than later and stop being so bitter.


Quoting Anonymous:

lmao. You do know more than a second grade education and can actually write English or did your mommy have to do that for you.




Quoting lurveable:

lol Stop being so insecure and in love with me. What's the matter hunny? Boyfriend still neglecting you and still desperate for attention? There, there, it's gonna be okay. Isn't it funny how no one agrees with you? That must hurt after a long day of your boyfriend ignoring your existance and not having any friends while you anon because you're are to much a coward to come forward with who you really are or show your face and desperately seek negative attention because it's the only kind you can get from better woman than you are on cafemom. You are such a miserable person it's so sad. Poor thing. It will get better some day you can't stay stupid forever no matter how much you are trying to. Like it or not change will happen to you too and when it does don't freak out or panic! It doesn't meen you are submitting to anyone! Just let it come

Quoting Anonymous:


Ok you have convinced me that yes you are a pussy or you submit to anyone that claims to "change for you".  Truthfully you are a flipping idiot who cannot even write English worth a shit.  So when you can figure out how to write so people can read it without run on sentences and whatever other garbage you threw in there, come back then. Because right now, you are a waste of time, air and space on the server.  haha   Bow down to that man.  


Quoting lurveable:

It is sort of hypocritical of you to let others change for you when you won't change. You lead a life that you won't change for others and talk down to others who would change for someone yet would let them do it for you if it benefited you. Again you don't seem very intelligent if you can't grasp that I am not speaking of training anyone. I said changing for your self and them changing for them self because you want to be a better person and grow and just being supportive of each other. I don't know why that is so hard or you to understand. You are all no I will never change at all I accept myself! okay, again, you seem freakishly insecure about being seen as submitting or bowing down to any one so you refuse to open that narrow mind of yours enough to see that you can still make changes in life because YOU want to, to learn and grow still and not be stuck with your what seems like insecure 18 year old mind forever. No one is perfect and rater you realize it or not you are not either and you probably notice things you do wrong in life and relationships too and try to change and stop doing them just like everyone else does, so you do change to, and me telling you that you could get in a relation ship with a man who always sees things about himself he wants to change to be a better man not for you first but for himself and it just benefits you after the fact and how you both could encourage each other and be supportive still does not make any one trained. I never said or implied I controlled any ones actions or begged lol where do you get this stuff? I didn't even say ask someone to change. If you woke up tomorrow realizing you don't listen very well and decided to try to be a better listener because it's what you want and not because any one asked you too, then told your man about it and he was supportive and it would benefit him also obviously, that isn't him asking or training you or submitting, it's you wanting to be a better person, and yeah part of that could be because you love your man and want to be better for him, but only because it's what you want not just because it would make him happier, you just want and are ready to grow. You sound a bit crazy deary. No one is submitting by being open to caring about the ones they love and trusting that they care about them to so that it's okay to not be so protective because you trust they won't hurt you and know you won't hurt them. Like it or not you are just extremely jaded and sound like you take that out on every man you ever have been with.

Quoting Anonymous:

Not being hypocritical at all.  I wont change and that is me.  I dont TRAIN anyone.  If they want to change that is their choice, it is not me begging him to.  That's what I said and I stand by it.  I dont ask anyone to change to please me nor do i expect.  I dont control others actions as you may.  So i did NOT contradict anything i said.



Quoting lurveable:

Yes but who ever said your soulmate who was perfect for you would be a perfect person? I believe you are perfect together in some ways and the exact opposite of each other in other ways so you can both teach each other so much more in life. Not to train, but to take your further, to open your mind to even more. Learning new things isn't changing yourself. Maturing and discarding old beliefs because you change your mind because something new speaks to you is positive change. You make it all sound bad but it's not. Again, I didn't say change for anyone I said for YOU. And yes you do expect them to change for you yo said so your self "if they want to change for me that's their decision" so you let them for you knowing you won't do it for them. Sounds hypocritical. Don't be sorry for whatever I do with my life, why do you care so much about me? lol And stop assuming, I don't settle because I understand he isn't perfect and don't expect him to be and know that i'm not perfect either and wouldn't want him to make me feel bad for that either. That's just realistic, something you obviously do not understand because you are so unrealistic and you are also very insecure if the only reason you won't allow your self to better yourself in life is because you are so afraid of others thinking you submit to your man. lol Okay, you keep letting that hold you back from progressing in life forever good luck with that.

Quoting Anonymous:


everyone settles there is no such thing as a soulmate that a human can create.  it is outside of our control.  I will not change for anyone nor do i expect them to for me.  Im sorry you settle for anyone or feel you need to train someone to be your type. 


Quoting lurveable:

Then you obviously haven't found yours yet because then you would know the difference. Believe me. Keep looking, you will find the one who doesn't make you feel like you are settling and who makes you stop doubting it all. You will know when you could happily waste what days you have left on this earth all with him and not want to be with any one else or ever even think about if he isn't the one any more. He will make teh questions stop and you will just feel completed finally.

Quoting Anonymous:

soulmate = settling.  there is no difference in my eyes.  Just because one guy gives you more attention or spends more $ on you than the other, doesn't make anyone a damn soulmate. 



Quoting lurveable:

Well I completely understand that! lol usually, I can't explain it really, when you meet this person, it's just an almost instant mutual connection that makes you feel more complete in life when you are in their presence even when you hardly know them enough yet and they also feel the same way about you. It's like a feeling that they can do so little, just small drops of them in your life make such a HUGE difference, and that's all it takes from them. It's so much easier for them to make you happy and you them. So you would know if you felt that deep connection with someone and then where making it work, verses getting in a relationship with someone just because it's nice and you love them and continuing to make it work.

Sadly I have heard of cases of woman who where with a man sense their teens, married, with kids, thought he was their soul mate, then one day meet this random man at a random time in life, and BOOM! The connection is instant and they realize they where wrong all along. I think with a soul mate, just being with them, the little things, their smile the look in their eyes, makes the world seem better and brings you peace and can make the problems and the world just fade away when you are together, while someone you might just love a lot you may think is cute and like them a lot and feel happier around them but it's not as dramatic of a change. With someone you love a lot you might feel better having them around, but you might still always feel like something is missing. With a soul mate, you feel complete like you're sure, you don't know how, you just are. They make the questions stop and you just feel done searching.

I do believe though that most likely if you still have to question it, it's not your soul mate =/ witch is really sad to me when I see it because that means there is someone out there who is still questioning things also because they haven't found you yet either. Wasting time in the wrong relationships, all though I understand might make your life easier, holds you back from getting to that special place with the right one.

It's hard to talk about these things though because I know it just sounds crazy, but I do believe in soul mates. I have seen it to much to not believe. Just find the one that makes you stop asking questions or that you couldn't picture your life without. It just feels right and you will feel like "i've only got however many days left to live and I'ed like to spend them all with him there with me and when I die I want to feel I know him so well I take him with me inside me."

Quoting Anonymous:


Im sorry but this can be done with anyone.  It doesnt make them a soulmate.  A lot of people just make it work because it is easier than finding someone else.  what you wrote doesnt convince me that a person like you are describing is any different than any other guy that you WANT to make it work with. 


Quoting lurveable:

lol What? No, just sounds like understanding and working towards a better life and love together with someone you know feels the same way and trusting that you both know you don't want someone else so now you have to fix things instead of leave for the next one. It's about knowing this is it for you and for them so you both have to try your best to be good to eachother and be understanding and supportive of one another when things don't always go as planned or perfectly. Shit happens, you make the best of it together and work through it all and just stay together and are able to rest assured they are not going to walk out on you because of it, or you them.

It could maybe sound a little tangled if it was one sided, but if it was one sided it wouldn't be a soul mate situation and in a soul mate situation where things are not one sided and you both feel that deeply about each other it makes it okay to put up with or go through it all. It's not like you are expecting your other to just take on your issues, you are taking on theirs too, and yeah you expect them to be more understanding because you are too for them, and yes it is more frustrating some times or harder and you put up with more, but that is because you don't just leave for the next one because it's the easier thing to do because you truly know, both of you know, this is the one for you. So you fix things you can fix with in your relationship instead because it's not just about YOU any more, you care about them and consider them in your life too.

If you still only live for your happiness or to protect yourself or what you need and want in life, than you are not with your soul mate. Your soulmate will consider you and your happiness and safety and wants and your needs in life will matter to them as well as their own. And all that about them will matter to you too. Yes, it gets confusing, but usually only when one person doesn't really love the other like that and the relationship is one sided to where one seems to be caring about them both while one only cares about themself. When it is equal though and goes both ways, it's a beautiful deep relationship with 2 people working together to make each others lifes a brighter place happily, who would rather be hashing out an issue with them, than any where else with any one else. It has to go both ways though, it is tricky if it's falling to much to one side.

Quoting Anonymous:

sounds like a tangled web you weave


Quoting lurveable:

It requires work because even though you might feel like you WANT to not let how you where brought up or jaded in life effect your relationship or take that out on him, NO one is perfect! You both where brought up differently and see the world through different eyes and have to get to understand each other first and like, you may have jealousy issues but again not WANT too and may be trying to stop that and get over it because you do actually trust him.

The way I see it is you care enough to want to be good to your soul mate that's all that matters most, but what you want for him and to be for him [or her] won't always match up with how you are feeling because we all have been through things that make us hold back or have trust issues or get scared or upset over different things maybe because we saw our mom go through it a lot, and your man [or women] will come with their owns sets of issues like that too.

But it's about loving each other so much you want to be a better man or woman for them and accept where you are flawed and try to work on it for them always and they do the same for you and you both try your best to be supportive of each other until hopefully you can get to a place in life together where you undo all those things that effect your relationship. It's about what you want in your heart and your intentions more than what you do and helping each other be better every day.

But the biggest thing is knowing they are the one you want to walk beside through this life, no matter who, how, or what you are, and knowing that you are the one they want to walk beside too no matter what you both are going through, you know the other wants to be there for it and would follow you wherever you go to the end, just as you would follow them. Soul mates just feel more complete when they are together and like the person is worth all the trouble for a change.

No relationship with another will ever be free of work because we are all raised differently, exposed to different things, different experiences. and because they can be taken a lot more seriously and matter a hell of a lot more to each other, soulmate type relationships can need even more work than a regular relationship because you actually care a hell of a lot more to not just leave when things get tough but fix them instead. You no longer just replace the person, the person is set in stone for you for good, it has to be them, now you have to work on the issues and fix them because your soul mates happiness is essential to your own and your happiness is essential to theirs. You have to be there, and take care of each other. No more walking out or giving up or ignoring things and just finding someone new.

My feelings anyways.
























Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:12 AM
1 mom liked this
Oh, I see we had to resort to insulting grammar and using "your mom" degradations. Poor OP, such a miserable life since no one will put up with you, you have to lower yourself to poor insults when everyone disagrees. The thing I wonder, since this is a website for moms, who the hell procreated with you? And man is it awful for that person that they had to "settle" for your imperfections and now have to deal with you.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)