I need help - I am so confused. Back story - my husband lost his job in August 2012 - has not found one (nor do I even think he is looking - whole different story) - we did just have a baby in January - we have had sex once since the baby has been born and before that it was a long time before because it hurt me.
My problem/issue is:
1. He has been texting a lot (I got the numbers of all the text he has done), hids his phone from me, put a lock with a passcode on his phone, etc. When I get home from work I take care of the baby until the baby falls asleep - my husband is on his phone the whole time and doesn't really even talk to me. So is he cheating - maybe not in the "normal" way but is this cheating???
2. When we have had sex in the past - it is aweful - he is only there to please himself - he has even said "if I get mine that is all that matters". There is NO foreplay EVER! In the 5 years we have been together I can count on one hand how many times he has gone down on me - therefore I will not pleasure him in that way either - if you cannot return the favor - you are not getting it either.
3. About two/four weeks ago his testicle swelled - took him to the emergency room - they said it was an infection - he went back to the doctor last week because he said the "nut" is miss shaped - they gave him a medicine that when I looked it up on-line is use for gonorrhea or syphilis - I don't have either.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO what do I do - I am very horney, but will NOT have sex with him - I just cannot bring myself to have sex with him - have tried "taking care of it myself" but that does not satisfy me - I have a male friend that we have always made sexual comments back and forth - stupid stuff like when talking about a screw driver - saying hey speaking of screwing - stupid - I know... Anyway last night I told him I wanted to F&*k him - I am SO close to cheating on my husband (by the way I have also printed out divorce papers - just not ready to give up just yet - we haven't even been married 3 years yet).
Any help will be greatly appreciated - what do I do and how in the hell can I get over this horneyness?!?!?!?!?