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Cheat or not cheat...

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:04 AM
  • 32 Replies

I need help - I am so confused.  Back story - my husband lost his job in August 2012 - has not found one (nor do I even think he is looking - whole different story) - we did just have a baby in January - we have had sex once since the baby has been born and before that it was a long time before because it hurt me.

My problem/issue is: 

1.  He has been texting a lot (I got the numbers of all the text he has done), hids his phone from me, put a lock with a passcode on his phone, etc.  When I get home from work I take care of the baby until the baby falls asleep - my husband is on his phone the whole time and doesn't really even talk to me.  So is he cheating - maybe not in the "normal" way but is this cheating???

2.  When we have had sex in the past - it is aweful - he is only there to please himself - he has even said "if I get mine that is all that matters".  There is NO foreplay EVER!  In the 5 years we have been together I can count on one hand how many times he has gone down on me - therefore I will not pleasure him in that way either - if you cannot return the favor - you are not getting it either. 

3.  About two/four weeks ago his testicle swelled - took him to the emergency room - they said it was an infection - he went back to the doctor last week because he said the "nut" is miss shaped - they gave him a medicine that when I looked it up on-line is use for gonorrhea or syphilis - I don't have either.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO what do I do - I am very horney, but will NOT have sex with him - I just cannot bring myself to have sex with him - have tried "taking care of it myself" but that does not satisfy me - I have a male friend that we have always made sexual comments back and forth - stupid stuff like when talking about a screw driver - saying hey speaking of screwing - stupid - I know...  Anyway last night I told him I wanted to F&*k him - I am SO close to cheating on my husband (by the way I have also printed out divorce papers - just not ready to give up just yet - we haven't even been married 3 years yet).

Any help will be greatly appreciated - what do I do and how in the hell can I get over this horneyness?!?!?!?!?

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:04 AM
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by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:31 AM
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In my experience, if you are putting a lock on your cell phone and hiding it the way he is, something is going on.  My ex did this and yes, he was cheating.  Not saying your husband is but he shouldn't be hiding his phone or putting a code on it.  It's obvious he's hiding things from you.  I would want answers.  Have you asked him about it yet?  Or have you tried calling the number/numbers to see who answers?  Even if it's texting another woman, I consider it a form of cheating.  It's wrong.  He should be thinking of his wife, not another woman.

As far as his comments about sex, what an ass.  I'm sorry but I could not be with a selfish man like that.  It's not all about him.  Also, you need to confront him about the information you found out about.  If it was/is an STD, confront him and I wouldn't sleep with him.  Disgusting.

As far as your friend.  Cheating is wrong.  Two wrongs don't make a right.  Think about what you want to do with your marriage.  Sleeping with your friend will only add more stress to your current situation.

by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:31 AM
Two wrongs don't make a right. Figure out your issues at home first.
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:58 AM
1 mom liked this

yeah it sounds like he is i deffenatlly would not sleep with him but two wrongs dont make it right so if ur that far away from him that u have the dirvoce papers i would go for it hes not doing anything to change the sistuation i would have a long conversation about it first and if hes like yeah im not happy here ive been seeing otherpeople then i would say ok here you on 1 hr ill beback and u best not be here bye and make him sign the papers

good luck

by Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:06 AM
4 moms liked this

Not cheat. Ever. For any reason. Cheating is never okay.

by Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:11 AM

Thanks all - I know cheating is not right - hench why I posted here - thought maybe putting it is writing would help - it has...  I have tried talking to him - he gets all angry and doesn't really talk - my biggest fear - that he will take my new born son (14 weeks old) - I know the courts wouldn't let him have him - for the crying out loud he doesn't even have a job so how is he going to support our baby, but I am afraid he would take him - the only thing holding me back from kicking him out or hell even me moving out - is he has no friends here - he is from 3 states away from where we live and has never made any friend - so he has no where to go - that is the soft side of me coming out - always thinking of others before my own happiness!!!  :(

by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:13 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry you are going through that. But the way indeed it, you are no better than your husband if you have a male friend who sexually joke around. And you will be even more worse if you cheat on your husband with this guy. Either work your marriage out without getting Dick on the side and have marriage counseling, or get the damn divorce so you can freely screw your friend. I dont get this Damn world anymore. Vows are never to be broken, and this world is getting to the point where screwing ppl while you are married is perfectly ok since their mate is doing it. This is why I hate how our world is lacking morals. You are gonna be in the wrong even worse than your husband is if you screw this guy. Have fun though.
by Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:15 AM

I don't know if he is cheating but it isn't a healthy marriage. Did you have sex with him before you got married? I would probably file for divorce.

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:16 AM

In my experience with my ex, he was always hiding stuff, was on his phone, chatting online and constantly changing his passwords. Yes, he was def cheating. He always apologized when I finally found out, always swore he'd change...but he never did. I finally decided one day I'd had enough. I slept with a guy I worked with cuz I figured 'hey, if he can play, so can I' Let me tell you. 2 wrongs do NOT make a right. I felt horrible, and still do when I think about it. We worked things out for a while after that. I thought he finally realized what I'd  been through, but I was wrong. I think he was just addicted to sex whereever he could find it. I finally filed for divorce and got out. I also made sure I got myself checked good, cuz I was afraid he may have brought something home when I found out just how much he had been man-whoring around. Sometimes it's best to cut your losses and go, but I would advise on getting out before you cheat. I thought I would be alright, but I was wrong. Once that bridge is burnt, you can't go back.

by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:28 AM

Quoting Anonymous:

Two wrongs don't make a right. Figure out your issues at home first.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:29 AM

I will not cheat - I guess just needed to think about it - I agree with the person who posted that I am in the wrong too because I have texted my friend sexual things - my husband know of the sexual comments as when he is over we all make them to each other - he just doesn't know that I texted him last night saying I wanted to have sex with him. 

UGH like I don't have enough problems with being the only one working, taking/raising our baby when I am not working (as my husband does not help out much with the baby when I am home), doing ALL the house work - that is right the lazy doesn't do a damn thing while home - I left the garbage overflowing for 3 days to see long it would take before he brought it outside....

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