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HSV2- Im sure im not the only one here... riiiight?

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About a year ago my ex bf cheated on me while he was working offshore...with TWO other MEN!
I had no clue about it and after his hitch, he came home and of course we had sex like we usually did.. Then his offshore roommate sent me pics of my ex and two other guys 'in the act!' and warned me to go get checked... sure enough, there i was sitting in the dr office finding out that i now have HSV2 (genital herpes) and a cheating bf...
But that wasnt all... i also had a miscarriage while finding all of this out... talk about CRUSHED!
Needless to say, he and i dont talk anymore and he has never once even apologized.


On the other hand, the new bf and i have been together about 6 months and waited 5 months to even have sex with each other. We were friends before we started dating and i told him about my 'condition' waaayyyy ahead of time!

My bf is an AMAZING man and does more than he realizes for my son and myself.
Our sex life is hot! And it's hard for us to get around each other without some form of touching or kissing.. WE LOVE IT!

Im not on birth control, but i do take my daily meds for HSV2 twice a day every day so that i wont have an outbreak and i cant spread it to my hun.. He insist on using a condom, which im okay with because neither of us are ready for another child right now, but he complains sometimes about the condom reducing the feeling of 'ME'......

We are always very open about everything , but lately ive wondered if he really wants the condoms because of a pregnancy scare or because of my HSV2....
Should i just ask him??? 

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 12:42 PM
Replies (11-18):
chillemi78
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 3:42 PM
1 mom liked this
It sounds like from what you say here, it really is more about not liking the feeling of the condom, but also being responsible about unplanned pregnancy. A guy once told me to imagine going to the best steakhouse in town. The sights, sounds and smells have you wanting a steak soooooo bad. But when the server brings your steak to the table, you have to put a balloon on your tongue before eating it. Of course, you are going to do it because not having the steak would just be like torture at that point, but given the change to take that balloon off your tongue, you'd do it in a heartbeat. He said that's what sex with a condom is like for most men. So, not being able to really "feel" you could very well be all that he means. Although, as another poster said, you do need to be prepared to hear its because of the herpes. But the only way to know is to ask. There are so many birth control options out there, have a talk with him and see if you two need to explore some options.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 25, 2013 at 3:52 PM

Sorry, I don't know about condom fit or types. Maybe post the question in this forum and in Love & Marriage and see what the other ladies say.

Great for you not having a lot of outbreaks. Gee, my life was terrible for years. Practically a outbreak every month around period time. Guess I'm getting my vacation now yeah, LOL. Everyone's different with this virus.

Keep up with your Acyclovir I was simply suggesting added protection.

So sorry about the miscarriage. I had one two the first time I got pregnant. Now I have two happy and healty girls 11 & 14. Both vaginal, normal birtths FYI even with HSV2. Double LOL.

Just be honest with your BF. And again while I can't tell you to be upset, try not to if that is why he is usiing a condom. It's smart. 

Quoting CheyMar90:

btw- thank you so much for the advice, i will look into that L-Lysine in just a moment.
Currently i take Acyclovir 400 mg twice daily, and it seems to help. I have only had one outbreak and that was my first one.. it was HORRIBLE! but i also had a uti, and a misscarriage all at the same time.
i would never wish it upon anyone.  


Quoting Anonymous:

I think you should ask him if you want to know.

Honestly, I have had HSV2 for 30 years. I do recall something called asymptomatic shedding, where you can spread the virus and not have any symptoms. 

I am married to a man who isn't concerened if he gets it so he does not wear protection and he had a vasectomy so I can't get pregnant.

The condom may redue feeling. Have you ried other kinds like ribbed ones and all?

While I can't stop you from being upset if this is the reason he is wearing condoms. I can say as infected person I don't blame him. Since I have had it for so long and I have not had an out break for years. Butit was kind of bad for me for a long time and I woudn't wish it on anyone.

You didn't ask for advice but I don't take Dr. prescibed meds any more, not saying you shouldn't. But might I suggest a suppliment? I take L-Lysine. It's an amino acid that is helpful controling the virus. Coudn't hurt to add it. I take 100mg per day. It also has other health benefits.

Good luck.





CheyMar90
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 3:54 PM

that is a really good example! i guess i just never thought of it like that, ya know considering i dont have that type of 'tool' lol 
but i guess i could see a guys point of view a lot better after you mentioned that.
the bf mentions that he cant wait to get married and have kids but wants to know that he is completely stable and can give himself to me fully, before having more kids and marriage.
im still not sure what he means by 'giving himself to me completely' .... i mean we are always together, always going to family dinners together, he drives about an hour and half out of his way every day to come spend time with me and often stays the night...
my son has been in this bad habit of getting up around 3 am and staying up till about 630 am every morning just to get something to drink and watch cartoons.... the bf has told me several nights in a row that he is willing to get up with him so that i can get some rest..
im just confused by the 'giving himself to me completely"... 


Quoting chillemi78:

It sounds like from what you say here, it really is more about not liking the feeling of the condom, but also being responsible about unplanned pregnancy. A guy once told me to imagine going to the best steakhouse in town. The sights, sounds and smells have you wanting a steak soooooo bad. But when the server brings your steak to the table, you have to put a balloon on your tongue before eating it. Of course, you are going to do it because not having the steak would just be like torture at that point, but given the change to take that balloon off your tongue, you'd do it in a heartbeat. He said that's what sex with a condom is like for most men. So, not being able to really "feel" you could very well be all that he means. Although, as another poster said, you do need to be prepared to hear its because of the herpes. But the only way to know is to ask. There are so many birth control options out there, have a talk with him and see if you two need to explore some options.



la_bella_vita
by Bella on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:34 PM

 I would just ask him as long as you think you can handle the truth.

Ms.Precious
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:44 PM
Try a lamb skin condom cost a little more but feels great...


Quoting CheyMar90:

i dont blame him at all if he is scared to get it, i cant say that i was too excited whenever i found out about myself lol
But i would never pass it to him intentionally and im willing to do whatever it takes to reduce the chance of him catching it. He just mentions and complains from time to time that with the condom on, he cant feel much..
Do you think maybe the condom is just too tight? Or do other men say that too? 



Quoting Anonymous:

I think you should ask him if you want to know.

Honestly, I have had HSV2 for 30 years. I do recall something called asymptomatic shedding, where you can spread the virus and not have any symptoms. 

I am married to a man who isn't concerened if he gets it so he does not wear protection and he had a vasectomy so I can't get pregnant.

The condom may redue feeling. Have you ried other kinds like ribbed ones and all?

While I can't stop you from being upset if this is the reason he is wearing condoms. I can say as infected person I don't blame him. Since I have had it for so long and I have not had an out break for years. Butit was kind of bad for me for a long time and I woudn't wish it on anyone.

You didn't ask for advice but I don't take Dr. prescibed meds any more, not saying you shouldn't. But might I suggest a suppliment? I take L-Lysine. It's an amino acid that is helpful controling the virus. Coudn't hurt to add it. I take 100mg per day. It also has other health benefits.

Good luck.





mdawn028
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:47 PM
1 mom liked this
If u are open and honest eventually u both probably would want to talk about it. Then maybe when u both are ready u can stop using them. Sorry for your loss hon I have been through a mc also. I'm sorry to hear what h*** u had went through before u found your good bf that would be tough. Hugs hon Dawna


Quoting CheyMar90:

About a year ago my ex bf cheated on me while he was working offshore...with TWO other MEN!
I had no clue about it and after his hitch, he came home and of course we had sex like we usually did.. Then his offshore roommate sent me pics of my ex and two other guys 'in the act!' and warned me to go get checked... sure enough, there i was sitting in the dr office finding out that i now have HSV2 (genital herpes) and a cheating bf...
But that wasnt all... i also had a miscarriage while finding all of this out... talk about CRUSHED!
Needless to say, he and i dont talk anymore and he has never once even apologized.


On the other hand, the new bf and i have been together about 6 months and waited 5 months to even have sex with each other. We were friends before we started dating and i told him about my 'condition' waaayyyy ahead of time!

My bf is an AMAZING man and does more than he realizes for my son and myself.
Our sex life is hot! And it's hard for us to get around each other without some form of touching or kissing.. WE LOVE IT!

Im not on birth control, but i do take my daily meds for HSV2 twice a day every day so that i wont have an outbreak and i cant spread it to my hun.. He insist on using a condom, which im okay with because neither of us are ready for another child right now, but he complains sometimes about the condom reducing the feeling of 'ME'......

We are always very open about everything , but lately ive wondered if he really wants the condoms because of a pregnancy scare or because of my HSV2....
Should i just ask him??? 


RoyalBlossom
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:06 AM

The worse that can happen is he tells you he is afraid to get the disease and you shouldn't be upset because no one wants to catch anything. However if he knew upfront he knew there was a possibility that he could catch it, so he shouldn't be upset if he caught it. But that's in a perfect would. Just ask him if you want to know the answer and not simply assume.

Jodi0321
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 8:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Just ask! Your a strong woman!

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