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BF is depressed and it's annoying.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My bf is depressed because his brother has been given 4-6 weeks to live.  The brother lives on the other side of the country.  I understand that the bf is going through a lot BUT damn it is getting so annoying.  He just sits in the chair and stares off into space watching tv or the only thing he wants to do is go get something to eat.  He has no energy to do anything.  Im not asking him to go do things that require money or much energy but this is insane.  He does still talk a little bit.  Like last nite I went to bed at 8:30 because he was just so boring to be around.  I woke up a few times on the couch and he was just sitting there.  At 2 he woke me up and said he was going to bed.  We got to bed, he was hard, started fooling around a little bit and then he just laid there with an arm around me.  I dont even want to come on to him or finish anything because he is plain ole boring during the day, that I have no desire to just have sex.  What to do?


I have bought him a ticket to go see his brother, and he won't go.  I have been telling him for months that he should go see him, and he drags his feet and has yet to go.  

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:51 AM
Replies (21-30):
arpazia
by Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 11:37 AM
You're not trying to sound like a bitch, that's just how it's coming across.
Losing a loved one can be a very hard time for all, especially when it changes the day to day and becomes consuming.
You need to be there for him,you also need someone there for you, a place to vent and get support.
This is not the group to get support from.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 28, 2013 at 11:39 AM
When my husband died I went through the same thing as you boyfriend. It's hard to explain what you need at a time like this when you don't even know. There were days that I wouldn't leave the house because I couldn't stand to see other couples together. What I needed most was to have someone there who had compassion, understanding and love for me. Don't tell me everything will be fine and it will get better. Do not say they person is in a better place. It may take a while but if you really value your relationship stop being such a bitch and think about him. Just because you bought a ticket doesn't bring back his sibling.
TattedReader
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 11:44 AM
It seems like you are doing things with the outcome for you in mind instead of just thinking about your BF. And I'm judging that just by the fact that you think your BF being depressed for a viable reason is annoying...yeh that's not selfish or unsympathetic at all. If you really had empathy for him, you'd be feeling sad right along with him and give him however much time he needs.


Quoting Anonymous:


You know what?  I have put myself in his shoes.  Tell me what is wrong with what I did?  Because I saw the importance of him needing to go see his brother, so I put that as a priority and said screw the other things we had planned with the $. That's wrong right?  What is so wrong with what I did or didn't do?  


Quoting AdVitam:

Actually, I do have some advice.



Since YOU think there is NOTHING wrong with you, how you feel about him acting the way he is...



Ask him yourself. Tell him how boring he is and annoying it is.



Tell him exactly what you posted here.



YOU WON'T. You don't even have the balls to post with your sn. Why? Because you're a straight up bitch.



If there were nothing wrong with this, you'd be able to say it to him.





Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 28, 2013 at 6:50 PM

Ugh. I'd hate like hell to have such an unempathetic partner. 

Hectictracy
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 7:17 PM
Sorry his brother is dying. If I lost my sister I'd probably go crazy. Eta, I think the reason the ladies are saying the things they are is because you said him being depressed is annoying..
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sheicor
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 8:38 PM
2 moms liked this

People deal with death differently. When my husband was dying I was a rock, thought I had to be because of my kids, people called me cold. No one knew what was going on inside me. Your BF is dealing with his brother's death his own way and him not wanting to see him tells me he is struggling. You need to be patient right now. How was he before this? Remember this is a moment, one of the hardest moments in life, but it will pass. If you love him and want to be with him you need to be patient and compassionate right now.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:33 AM
I dont think I am being a bitch at all. I have gave all I can to him. No one said that buying a ticket will bring back his sibling. But if you think that isn't being kind, then YOU are being the cold hearted bitch. I have done all I can.
Quoting Anonymous:

When my husband died I went through the same thing as you boyfriend. It's hard to explain what you need at a time like this when you don't even know. There were days that I wouldn't leave the house because I couldn't stand to see other couples together. What I needed most was to have someone there who had compassion, understanding and love for me. Don't tell me everything will be fine and it will get better. Do not say they person is in a better place. It may take a while but if you really value your relationship stop being such a bitch and think about him. Just because you bought a ticket doesn't bring back his sibling.

Rachael-Dawn
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:40 AM
1 mom liked this
You have serious issues. I think maybe you need some therapy to learn empathy and/or he needs a new girlfriend. One that actually acts like she loves him instead of running around talking about how annoying his depression is. Jeez not only does he have to deal with the loss of his brother but the stress of irritating you? Grow up, buy yourself a dildo, sit .... spin..... and get over yourself.
smuckin_fart
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:42 AM
well arent you a shitty gf.
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briellesmomma
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:45 AM

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