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I need help... I am not doing mentally well.

Posted by on May. 29, 2013 at 10:00 AM
  • 2 Replies

 I am bi holding in because I am married and Christian and I am not worried about the married part because I am faithful and my husband knows how I am but as a Christian I am trying to be good but it seems so hard I been attracted to women since I was really,really young I have self esteem issues due to allot of emotional and verbal abuse so I imagine sleeping with a hot sexy women something that I want to be and when I have sex with my man I have to imagine that I am really hot and sexy to have an orgasm so I imagine myself to be what I am not. It sucks I been 5 years with my honey and not once he has seen me completely naked. I was bullied at school as a child been called names and molested by girls and boys then as an adult my first marriage was emotionally abusive he used to compare me with other women will say to me... " I wish you had her ass" (boobs,legs,and even once a porn star vagina when he was watching porn) I lived 10 years in this situation no matter how I looked skinny,some weight there was always a problem with me. He talked to me like I was a dude "look at that girl"

"damn she is hot,nice ass" it got me more attracted to women and myself essteem was tottally lost then.

I was 17 when I first got married my parents didn't "parent me" really well I used to get whip all the time I never had an I love you,hugs ,kisses etc from them but I did had allot of yelling and hurtful words.

Seems that I can't get over it. I am married now to a wonderful man who treats me awesome but feels like I can't erase all those years of abuse that lives deep in me.


simple frown


Lisa

by on May. 29, 2013 at 10:00 AM
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la_bella_vita
by Bella on May. 29, 2013 at 11:30 AM

 ((Hugs)) I was not physically abused as a child but I was emotionally abused. It's hard to overcome that I know. I wish I had advice for you but I don't. Best wishes <3

Jade3019
by on May. 29, 2013 at 12:27 PM

I just read your story and my heart aches for you my friend.  I am not a professional but I think first and foremost you got to love yourself (I know easier said than done),  you got handed a bad hand for sure but you got to play that hand, but self love is important to ones well being (my opinion of course).  I see that you have faith, which is awesome, I would pray that the good Lord will give you the strength and love you see for yourself.  You got to help yourself in order to be happy, if that means going to speak to a professional, then do it, there is no shame in that.  I understand your attraction to other women and your faith; that is hard, but I can tell you that you aren't the only one who feels this way, Alot of women feel the same as you (yours truly included) but as you, I am in a committed, happy, loving, marriage and made a promise and no matter how I feel, I plan on keeping that promise.  But aside from that, you are a person an important person and you matter in this world.  Everyone matters to someone or to alot of someones! Don't forget that!!!  You can get this happiness you deserve my friend!  I hope this gibberish helped you in some way!  My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend!!! Take Care and keep striving for GREATNESS!

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