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Clocks don't sink up

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:33 AM
  • 6 Replies

So, my husband and I got together after each of us had very recently left long term relationships. My ex and I did not have a healthy sex life. He often took advantage of my giving nature and it left me reluctant to get things started even when I wanted to and gave me a general icky feeling about sex. My husband and I have been friends since we were in middle school. So, when we first started dating we expected that sex would be a bit awkward. We felt like we were cheating on our exes, we were really good friends to the point that it was a little crippling, and I had issues initiating as well as getting in the mood because the situation with my ex. 

Well, every other part of our relationship is great so we just thought that sex would sink up eventually. Now, here we are, married for a year and a half and still having troubles. What worries me is that I have been actively attacking my inner issues to make myself more receptive whereas he has come to accept that this is the way we will always be. So, now I'm in a healthy place mentally and I want to have a healthy sex life. But he just doesn't have the drive that he used to. So, how do I get him on the same page?

We've tried talking it out... I think to the point that it's made talking useless. What actions can I take?

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:33 AM
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Replies (1-6):
devoafwife
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:48 AM

Just wondering...  You both want great sex, right?  Is it maybe the pressure of feeling that you have to have great sex that is preventing it?  Like worrying about taking care of the other person instead of just relaxing? 

Just this girl's opinion, but I would stop thinking of sex as anything more than FUN!  Sure it can be really intimate and meaningful, but if those ideas are blocking the fun side, than they don't matter.  Just try and have fun with him and see what happens.  Maybe bring some toys or videos into the picture or play games that create a fun and less serious mood?

I think that talking and HONESTY is probably the most important thing to making time between the sheets awesome.  Don't quit talking.  In fact, if you want to get his attention and make things better, talk to him about things that you would never dream of telling anyone (like some of the pretty wierd fantasies on this site).  Just my opinion, but I think when you open yourself up, your partner either feels closer and more able to share, or at least you can check that off the list and press on.  Just don't give up!!

GoddessStaggs
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:11 AM

^-^ i remember when my husband and i first hooked up.. sexualy. lol we did it like every night! now, its fairly random. and its to be expected. we also dont sink up well.  and as men get older there sex dirves do go down, and stress is no help! perhap's he's streessed about something? is ther anything that turns you and him on? for example: if you like to masturbate and your comfetable with hubby, take your little friend out of the drawer and ask if he wouldnt mind giving you a hand ;) this should help get things going.   hope this helps best wishes!!

PartyGalAnne
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:26 PM
1 mom liked this

No more talking. It's time for action. If you are ready, don't have a conversation about it. That kills the mood. Grab him by the shirt and drag him to the bedroom. If he won't stop staring at the TV, climb on his lap and kiss him. If you're already in bed, start to play with yourself to get his attention.

shirleywiley
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:46 PM

That's a good idea... I've always had a tough time initiating and I think I'm just going to have to get over that to make this happen. Thanks :)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jun. 18, 2013 at 1:15 AM

bump

edithch
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 2:36 AM
Just relax. Initiating can be hard at times but you have to get over it. Try to have fun, show him your about to enjoy your self. Show him your sexy side..


Quoting shirleywiley:

That's a good idea... I've always had a tough time initiating and I think I'm just going to have to get over that to make this happen. Thanks :)


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