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Is my husband gay?? I'm REALLY worried

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 61 Replies

Hello ladies, I am going though a rough time right now, and desperately need advice, as i am so puzzled and my heart seems to jump out of my chest any minute now...

Over the past week, or so, I have been having real serious doubts that my husband is a straight man. We have been together for 4 years, married for 3 years. Here is what my suspicions are based on:

About 2 weeks ago, he told me that a friend form the gym (in San Francisco, he commutes 2 hours a day, just to go to the gym), who is gay, asked for his help on a business project. So he has been meeting with them (the gay friend and his wife/hubby, whatever) every other day, working together. They are also texting a lot. But that's not what got me worried the most. Last night we had a conversation, and he was telling me about thos two, and talking so passionately about how it must have been for them to realize they're gay. I was listening to him, while my heart started racing, because i have felt that passion in his voice and tone, and articulation.... almost like he was talking about himself. 

So this morning I started reading some articles on signs of a husband being gay. Here are some signs, that MY hubby fits:

- No matter how broke we are, he'll take the last money and pay for his gym membership ($340 a month) AND always designer clothes AND always gay stylists.

- Spends a great deal of time in front of the mirror, (I used to like that about him, that he won't leave the house unless he's well groomed and looking top notch), but now it's gotten more intense.

- I don't even remember when was the last time we went to bed together, he stays up until 4-5 AM on his laptop. Yes, he wouldn't be making money without his laptop, it's his money making machine, but not at night. 

- His laptop, lately has become a very secretive place, he always locks it, even when he goes quickly to the bathroom. 

- He's having too many gay friends lately, from the gym. 

- Another thing, that probably doesn't mean anything, but about 20 years ago (he's 43 now) he spent 1.5 years in prison...

- And last but not least, and probably the most hurtful, we haven't had sex in about 3 weeks. And before that, it was one every 2 weeks, maybe once a week. I used to think something is wrong with me, but i realized he's 43 y.o. and I'm 27. I KNOW, that nothing is wrong with me, I turn men's heads towards me every time I get out of the house. He says he's a bit stressed out, since he lost his job, but I do feel that there is something more to that.

I don't know what to do. I don't think I have the courrage to talk to him about it, and ask him, i also know he won't tell me the truth, IF there is any truth to my suspicions. But what should i do? Should I just continue to observe and confront him when I see a very "GAY" sign? Please ladies, any advice would be appreciated.

P.S. I-m posting this anonymously, just in case. 

Thank you

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 17, 2013 at 3:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CAP1015
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 4:08 PM

Have you asked him if he is gay/bi? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 17, 2013 at 4:10 PM

No I have not, I'm not sure that's the best approach

MrsImperfect
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 4:11 PM
According to the "signs" that would not necessarily make someone gay. Talking about being interested in men how men look and sexual acts with men would raise more flags for me.
jamamama00
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 4:14 PM
1 mom liked this

The biggest red flag here is him locking his computer,,,the one he is always on, until late night. He wouldn't do that if he weren't hiding something. I would do whatever it takes to get on there and find out what's going on. Especially if you really think he might be gay. You could end up w/ HIV.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 17, 2013 at 4:14 PM
Just ask him. My ex husband is gay but still has not officially come out yet. A lot of guys get married and deny their feelings for YEARS. My ex also stopped sharing a bed and having sex with me.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 17, 2013 at 4:19 PM
1 mom liked this

Don't think it is very fair to get worked up without having a frank conversation with him.  If his laptop wasn't locked, would you investigate?  I suspect you would, so why not trust in your relationship enough to just ask him what he is doing all night, why he needs to burn an extra couple tanks of gas a week to go to THAT gym, etc.  Just talke to him and be honest...

CAP1015
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 4:21 PM
1 mom liked this

You must have some idea or feelings other than those created by that list or posting on the web.  Any rumors or past friends with information?  Are you sure the laptop thing is a sex/gay thing or maybe he is doing something illegal (you said he was in prison before) and protecting you.  If you can't ask him outright, tell him one of your fantasies is to see him with another man, see how he reacts, he may suprise you and give  you your answer. 

KRIZZ25
by Silver Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 4:22 PM
U CANT BASE UR INFO ON STUFF U READ..ASK HIM..
KRIZZ25
by Silver Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 4:23 PM
2 moms liked this
MAYBE NEXT TIM EU GIVE HIM HEAD SLID UR FINGER IN HIS ASS AND SEE WHATHE DOES..A STRAIGHT MAN WOULD JUMP ..GAY MAYBE MONE .
Sunshine2plus2
by Sunshine on Jun. 17, 2013 at 4:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I would ask him. I would also want to look through that computer and if nothing to hide nothing to keep locked up!

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