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i feel so bad about this *update*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

i have 2 little boys one is 17 months old and the other one is almost 2 months. i love both of my kids but sometime i just don't want to spend as much time with my oldest as i do with my youngest. i feel so bad because i'm the only one home during the week and i feel like i'm neglecting him. don't get me wrong i take care of him feed him give him his sippie with juice give him a bath you know the normal things that he needs i just don't want to play with him as much as i did before his little brother was born. is this a normal thing?

Thanks for all the advice i have tried some of the things you ladies have suggested and he is already acting better, thank you all so much

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 23, 2011 at 6:00 PM
Replies (21-30):
by on Oct. 24, 2011 at 12:24 PM

I feel the same way. I have 2 boys, and was startingfeel bad I just love kissing and cuddling with my youngest son too.

by on Oct. 24, 2011 at 12:32 PM

it is hard to say because I did the same thing with my oldest who is 3 years older then my youngest when he was born... I think to some extent you HAVE to pay more attention to a newborn though... and you took the same amount of care with your oldest when he was that age without feeling guilty... So in a way I feel it is justified.... My oldest and I play a little more now... Because it is easier with his brother being older now as well... But I am sure that all this is going change when my third makes her appearance too... 

Fact is the littlier they are the more they NEED you and that is just part of life... Try to make time for the older ones of course snuggles and cuddles are always needed, they are just not as needed as they are when they are really little!

by Gold Member on Oct. 24, 2011 at 12:35 PM

 Little Hippo's New Baby by Harriet Ziefert is a good one, too. It tells that it's ok to not always like the baby, but you still have to be nice to him/her.

My boys liked the Sesame Street dvd Three Bears and a Baby. It also tells that it's ok to both like the baby and be jealous/upset.

I read to my kids while nursing the baby, had them bring over a diaper, pacifier or burp cloth, let them (gently) pat the baby's back to help burp or hand me a wipe during changes, and made sure I played some w/ them during the baby's nap time (I didn't always want to, just like you, but I did it a lot of the time anyway). If you are bottle-feeding, you can let your oldest help hold the bottle.

It's not easy learning to juggle your time/attention between 2 kids, but you will eventually get a routine going and it will get easier.

















by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 24, 2011 at 1:02 PM
I've been the same way, my ds is 4, & my dd is 19 months, & I felt the same way, like I gave my dd more attention than I gave my ds, he would bug me a lot more, or annoy me more, but id help out, by letting him get involved, have him bring me a diaper for my dd, id let him help me pick out her outfit, or something like that, or sometimes, let him hold her, & feed her, with my help of course.
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 24, 2011 at 1:20 PM

idk but i couldnt imagine feeling that way i love my son and every moment! mabye your just tired from the new baby

by on Oct. 24, 2011 at 1:23 PM

Right now you are just overwhelmed and the baby is NEW..ya know..? Its like getting a nw will wear off with time..


As a mother of 3,,My oldest was 6 when My now 2 yr old was born..I felt guilty for not being able to pay as much attention to her...Not because I didnt want to but because I was exhausted...Now I have 3, and I know from the past, they need equal attention..I include all of them in any activity, and we take turns having date nite with the oldest..She gets to pick an activity/restraunt etc and who she wants a date with..It kinda helps..

I do know that When my second and third was born I wasnt as nervous or stressed..You may be the same way..It was almost as if they were somehow the favorites but thats not it at all.I just knew what to do and could handle it a lil better than I did with the first..

by Ruby Member on Oct. 24, 2011 at 1:33 PM

I went through the same thing with my little ones who are the same gap.  The thing I did was get those duplo blocks and let my son play with them when I was taking care of my daughter.  When my baby was asleep I would take some time and read to my son or I would play blocks with him.  Even spending 10 minutes at a time with him makes a huge difference in the say and you won't feel like you are being neglectful.  Another thing you can do is look for a playgroup or arrange a playdate for your son.  He might like the interaction with another kid while you get some good bonding time with your new baby.  Maybe a friend or family member can take your older son for the day or something.  My mom did that for me after I had DD.  Hope that helps.

by on Oct. 24, 2011 at 1:35 PM

I think it's normal, especially with them both being so little. mine are three years apart and during my prengnacy with #2, i spent a lot of quality time with #1 because I read that after #2 comes, #1 doesn't get as much attention anymore. To help, your oldest can still feel important. ask him to help feed the baby, or while your youngest is napping, watch a movie together or work a puzzle, or build a castle out of blocks that he can knock over. while you feed the baby, he can sit next to you and you can read a story or 2. it'll make him feel special and have the needed attention and he won't be jealous that the baby is getting more of you. the possibilities are endless! and don't feel guilty for neglecting him. a new baby is a lot of work!

by Bronze Member on Oct. 24, 2011 at 1:55 PM

I think you'd be exhausted with a new little one at home. I know i was. How about hold him on your lap or next to you & read a book to him or something similar?? Have him be involved with his lil brother. Like bring you diapers & wipes for the baby?? 

by Gold Member on Oct. 24, 2011 at 2:16 PM

I  feel you our setting yourself up for sibling rivalry. Yes a little baby  needs alot of time  To me it sounds like your treating your child like an old toy your bored with.   You I hope want a awesome relationship   with both  your children and I  hoping   you  want, them to have one with, each other.  By ignoring your first childs emotional needs your setting yourself up for  huge  pile of misery. 

You could  play with, both the little child,  and newborn together?.

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