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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

He will always be the love of my life.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

When I was 20, I was dating this guy who was much older than me. He was 32. I had met him at college. He was legally blind and had to use a cane to help him getting around. He was so handsome. He had this long dark hair. He was the same exact height as me. He also had a kidney and pancrease transplant before I met him due to prolonged diabetes so he was on a ton of meds he had to take to ensure his body didn't go into rejection.

Anyway... Be that as it may. He was wonderful. The first time I went to his home, after we had seen each other at campus a ton of times, he played his guitar for. He had been in a band with his friends Ronnie and oh I can't remember the guys name, but anyway, he played a song, and I got up and hugged him and I felt a fool, he didn't hug back, until I tried to pull away, and suddenly we were kissing and we made love, me for the first time ever, and it was amazing.

He would come over my house and we would hang out, hug, kiss, watch movies, have sex, it was amazing. But he kept saying I was too young, just a kid, and he wouldn't make a commitment. I kept waiting for him to come around. I was IN LOVE 100%, and I wanted him to feel that way too.

We had an abortion together when my birth control failed. I didn't want to, and he didn't want to. But at the time, I was living with strict parents who would have tossed me on the streets, and he was living with his parents, being legally blind and needing pills, etc, he needed the help.

So after about a year of this, I had a good friend over the house. And he called. And said he wanted to be with me forever, and my friend who could hear, is going no, keep your dignity, and say NO. I fell to her peer pressure and told him NO.

Worst mistake ever.

I do love my husband of course, we have been married a long time now and have three kids.

But the bad part is this...

I'm waiting for either my kids to grow up and move out or him to leave me or him to get hit by a truck so I can look up Dave, this wonderful man I will never stop loving. How terrible is that?

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 1, 2011 at 7:43 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:00 PM

I still feel terrible getting the abortion. His ex fiancee had had an abortion with him for totally different reasons than ours. She was scared that the baby would be born with the same problems Dave had, the diabetes, etc, and also had a daughter and didn't want another child. That child wasn't Dave's. One time, after sex, Dave was worried and asked me to promise if I ever got pregnant, I would keep the baby, said he couldn't go through that again, and I promised. But when push came to shove neither of us could figure out a way to keep it. I wish I had. Than all this probably wouldn't have happened.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:07 PM

You need help.  To wish your husband (who is the father of your children) death in order to be with a man who probably has old balls by now and is not what he was many years ago is just sick.  BTW, this guy may not want anyhting to do with YOU now.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:11 PM

Old balls? I wouldn't care. We have a much deeper more amazing connection than to care about that. Yes I know he might want nothing to do with me now. I understand that.

I dont wish he would die, I am just WAITING for something to happen. If he left me for another woman, yes, I would be more than okay with that. If he cheated on me and I found out, it would be the perfect excuse to leave him. If he died, well of course I would be sad upset hurt. I do LOVE him just not in that way, but again another reason to move back to the area, and possibly start up the relationship again.

Quoting Anonymous:

You need help.  To wish your husband (who is the father of your children) death in order to be with a man who probably has old balls by now and is not what he was many years ago is just sick.  BTW, this guy may not want anyhting to do with YOU now.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:16 PM

In your OP you said waiting for your DH to get hit by a train.  Grow up.  Old balls was a joke, just like this whole fantasy you are in.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:18 PM

Well waiting for something yes, anything to happen.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:20 PM

I love this song because of the part it says "Standing on your mamas porch you told me that you'd wait forever"

I did. :(

But I didn't wait forever. I should have.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:21 PM

Oh good lord.  Why not join the 50% of other people and get a divorce rather than wish harm on your kids father. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:23 PM

Eh, Major fail.

You wish/wait/want hubby 2 die or leave so it'd give YOU the hole to escape out of? Chicken. If you KNOW what you once had w/ dave was sooo great, up & leave your hubby. Do your husband a favor...how awful would it be to have the idea that someone loves you as much as you love them, only to be mistaken. I feel for your hubby & kids.

I do not wish you luck.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:29 PM

i'm confused why u got married in the first place if u "ache" for this other guy.why did u have THREE kids with you hubby? why did u and this awesome guy break up? if you hate your husband so much then get a divorce? no one wants to be married to someone thats waiting for them to die or leave them.personally i think you're a heartless witch and hope u never find the blind guy.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:33 PM

I dont hate him. I am definitly not heartless. A while back my fiancee' (guy who is now my husband) said he would kill himself if I left him. We were on the verge of breaking up. I loved him and I couldn't live with that. Every one of our three children were concieved when I was on birth control. The patch with #1, the pill with #2, the depo shot with #3. So it wasn't like we were trying to. I love my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world. If we (my husband and I) ever broke up, it would have to be on his terms, not mine, because I would never want him to harm himself. I am seriously terrified of that. Had he not said he would kill himself all of those yrs ago, I would definitly be with Dave and if I had kids they would be HIS. If this makes me a heartless witch, I cant do anything about it, cause I love Dave and I cant stop loving him.

Quoting Anonymous:

i'm confused why u got married in the first place if u "ache" for this other guy.why did u have THREE kids with you hubby? why did u and this awesome guy break up? if you hate your husband so much then get a divorce? no one wants to be married to someone thats waiting for them to die or leave them.personally i think you're a heartless witch and hope u never find the blind guy.


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