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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

He will always be the love of my life.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

When I was 20, I was dating this guy who was much older than me. He was 32. I had met him at college. He was legally blind and had to use a cane to help him getting around. He was so handsome. He had this long dark hair. He was the same exact height as me. He also had a kidney and pancrease transplant before I met him due to prolonged diabetes so he was on a ton of meds he had to take to ensure his body didn't go into rejection.

Anyway... Be that as it may. He was wonderful. The first time I went to his home, after we had seen each other at campus a ton of times, he played his guitar for. He had been in a band with his friends Ronnie and oh I can't remember the guys name, but anyway, he played a song, and I got up and hugged him and I felt a fool, he didn't hug back, until I tried to pull away, and suddenly we were kissing and we made love, me for the first time ever, and it was amazing.

He would come over my house and we would hang out, hug, kiss, watch movies, have sex, it was amazing. But he kept saying I was too young, just a kid, and he wouldn't make a commitment. I kept waiting for him to come around. I was IN LOVE 100%, and I wanted him to feel that way too.

We had an abortion together when my birth control failed. I didn't want to, and he didn't want to. But at the time, I was living with strict parents who would have tossed me on the streets, and he was living with his parents, being legally blind and needing pills, etc, he needed the help.

So after about a year of this, I had a good friend over the house. And he called. And said he wanted to be with me forever, and my friend who could hear, is going no, keep your dignity, and say NO. I fell to her peer pressure and told him NO.

Worst mistake ever.

I do love my husband of course, we have been married a long time now and have three kids.

But the bad part is this...

I'm waiting for either my kids to grow up and move out or him to leave me or him to get hit by a truck so I can look up Dave, this wonderful man I will never stop loving. How terrible is that?

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 1, 2011 at 7:43 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:37 PM

You remind me of my friend I have known for years. she is stuck in fantasy land because she made shitty choices and ended up with 6 unwanted kids and an abusive asshole of a boyfriend. She keeps her head in the clouds with "i wish" conversations all the time.

Grow up, get your head out of the clouds and move the eff on. If it was meant to be it would have happened.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:37 PM

When we got married, we did so with a big group of people getting married for a publicity stunt. When the man said to say I do, I mouthed it. I didnt even say it. I only married him because I cared about him, didnt want him doing something stupid, felt sorry for him, and though MAYBE in TIME I would grow to love him. Its been 12  yrs since I said goodbye to dave and not 1 day has gone by without me thinking about, fantasizing about, and wishing I'd stay by HIS side.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:39 PM

My kids arent unwanted I love them. But they weren't planned. I love Dave and always will. I miss him and will do so for all eternity.

Quoting Anonymous:

You remind me of my friend I have known for years. she is stuck in fantasy land because she made shitty choices and ended up with 6 unwanted kids and an abusive asshole of a boyfriend. She keeps her head in the clouds with "i wish" conversations all the time.

Grow up, get your head out of the clouds and move the eff on. If it was meant to be it would have happened.


danssugarbabe
by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:54 PM
1 mom liked this

My boyfriend (now husband) told me one time on the phone that if we broke up he would kill himself.  I sat there a few minutes and said in a calm voice than go ahead because you will not threaten me.  That is exactly what has happened to you he verbally abused you.  Having said that......however, you did marry him and have kids.  If you don't love him let him go so that he can get own with his life.  if he threatens you again just say that if you want to do that to your kids go ahead.  He deserves someone who will love him unconditionally and not have a crush from the past that can't be let go.  I do believe that you are selfess and don't deserve to have the opportunity to jump back into a relationship with said ex-lover so no I will not wish you luck.  I will say that I will not judge you; just remember your husband has feelings also and doesn't deserve to be lied to, maybe it is time for you to both sit down and have a long talk....be honest with him...he deserves no less from you..

   Shaleigh (4/21/06)                Blessings                       Cody (3/1/11)

momofnhimai
by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:56 PM

how do you evem know if he is alive?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Nov. 2, 2011 at 3:00 PM
To wish someone dead to be with another man is sad all by it self.. if you really did love this guy you wouldn't of let someone talk you out of being with a guy that your "madly in love" with.. I kinda feel sorry for ur husband..
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Nov. 2, 2011 at 3:09 PM
You hoping that your husband gets hit by a truck does not scream I love him

Quoting Anonymous:

I dont hate him. I am definitly not heartless. A while back my fiancee' (guy who is now my husband) said he would kill himself if I left him. We were on the verge of breaking up. I loved him and I couldn't live with that. Every one of our three children were concieved when I was on birth control. The patch with #1, the pill with #2, the depo shot with #3. So it wasn't like we were trying to. I love my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world. If we (my husband and I) ever broke up, it would have to be on his terms, not mine, because I would never want him to harm himself. I am seriously terrified of that. Had he not said he would kill himself all of those yrs ago, I would definitly be with Dave and if I had kids they would be HIS. If this makes me a heartless witch, I cant do anything about it, cause I love Dave and I cant stop loving him.


Quoting Anonymous:


i'm confused why u got married in the first place if u "ache" for this other guy.why did u have THREE kids with you hubby? why did u and this awesome guy break up? if you hate your husband so much then get a divorce? no one wants to be married to someone thats waiting for them to die or leave them.personally i think you're a heartless witch and hope u never find the blind guy.



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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 2, 2011 at 4:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I gave those things that most people recall about a younger love that may not hold true with age. I didn't think you shallow as you offered up
Dave as having a visual impairment.

This is obviously more than a simply fantasy if you are looking him and still dreaming and then enough to post.

You are on the other hand being an awful partner. It's great you love your husband but do you think it fair he unknowingly is married to you yet you ache for another man. Do you not owe it the person you do valiantly love to know the truth and decide if they want to continue along, end it or take a break where they may or may not accept you back? Shallow maybe not but selfish yes. We all have a first love. I left my desire for my ex back in 1995 where it belonged. I'm not claiming to be better but I also am not faking a marriage and family while dreaming of someone else. I'm not trolling to bash you. I'm hoping you will let go of this Dave infatuation or at least clue your spouse in so he can decide for himself. Doing as you are is selfishly calling all the shots, keeping a safety net, entrapping your husband and children in a family and at worst is that your kids probably know something is amiss or if they don't they are absorbing a poor model for marital happiness. If you want Dave then go get him but turn your family loose first. Other wise work hard to put the past in the past and reward your spouse with being the love of your life. I know without a doubt the man I pined for and was my first love is in my past. In my small town we have crossed paths and he aged well. I don't know if he is married or single and I don't care. I have the love of my life and if the first love came looking fir me, I'd send him on his way. His window closed when I accepted to be my soulmate's bride. Now that we have children I can't think of a sexier man than my husband. You are making a lot of effort to explain why you stay but those are just safe excuses. I would never want to stay with someone who wasn't in love with me. Your husband doesn't seem be afforded that choice as you are deciding for him that he will remain married to you until the kids are grown so you leave him, having wasted years of his love life. If you really loved him, you'd hurt him now than drag it out stealing his time and hurting him later. Maybe you could talk to a counselor. Either let go of husband and chase Dave or let go of idea of Dave and reinvest in your marriage. We all have bumps along the way and some fall in and out of love. Investing in your marriage is sure to respark the in love feeling you claim to have lost for your spouse. I'm only pointing out your safety net and misuse of someone you claim to love. You should be true to yourself and to those you made vows with.

I see where you also replied about being stuck with your husband because he threatened suicide many years ago. I'm hoping years later he wouldn't have childish manipulation not would hd still be depressed enough to harm himself. Though I do have to ask how getting hit by a truck is better than suicide?

This whole post screams need for attention so I'm done replying. You know what you are doing and you get to answer for it later. Please stop finding excuses for your predicament as they are all starting to conflict. You are simply telling yourself what you want to hear without any voice of reasoning. Then you post more in an attempt to seek alliance from many good wen trying to honestly help you. You see I came here initially because your title sounded sweet. Only to find evilness for your spouse. IMO if Dave were worth having he would never have left or he'd of come looking for you. You tell yourself whatever you makes you able to accept this but I'm thinking if this post were written by a man about wishing his wife dead and wasting her youthful years until the kids were grown in a semi fake love marriage to abandon her for his former live and add to that she has a history of threatening suicide and the man plans to spring this on her not now when she has family, obligations and things to live for but once the last kid has left the home he plans to abandon her too. This all sounds cruel and selfish! You should invest in your marriage the effort you wasted tracking down Dave. People fall out of love because they quit investing in the relationship. This is still awful and sad. You control how it goes and my faith isn't in you.


Quoting Anonymous:

He was overweight when I knew him and I wouldn't be so shallow anyhow. He isn't dead I have gone as far to look him up. Unmarried, and a CEO of a company a small one but still a CEO... But it's something I wouldn't do to my kids or my dh. I love my dh, just not IN love with him. Will always be in love with Dave.



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norwgnwood
by Platinum Member on Nov. 2, 2011 at 5:13 PM

 I think your feelings are completely normal and justified. Don't feel bad for "waiting for your husband to get hit by a truck." I don't really think you wish him ill will. Sometimes it can't be helped to think if only so and so was dead things would be so much easier. I think wishing someone dead is really just a drastic way of wishing someone out of the picture. I was just talking to my counselor yesterday about wishing my daughters father would get in a car accident. He's not a bad person (he's just not a good partner or father) and I really don't want him to die. I just know that things would be easier for me & my kids if he wasn't a part of our life. If he died I wouldn't have to hurt him any more than I already have by not wanting to be with him. I think its just the brains way of taking the easy way out. You can't help where your thoughts wander...
The love of my life died 5 years ago. I'd do anything to have him back in my life. I wish you the best of luck.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 2, 2011 at 5:18 PM
4 pregnancies using 3 different types of birth control? Talk about fertile. ???
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