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He will always be the love of my life.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

When I was 20, I was dating this guy who was much older than me. He was 32. I had met him at college. He was legally blind and had to use a cane to help him getting around. He was so handsome. He had this long dark hair. He was the same exact height as me. He also had a kidney and pancrease transplant before I met him due to prolonged diabetes so he was on a ton of meds he had to take to ensure his body didn't go into rejection.

Anyway... Be that as it may. He was wonderful. The first time I went to his home, after we had seen each other at campus a ton of times, he played his guitar for. He had been in a band with his friends Ronnie and oh I can't remember the guys name, but anyway, he played a song, and I got up and hugged him and I felt a fool, he didn't hug back, until I tried to pull away, and suddenly we were kissing and we made love, me for the first time ever, and it was amazing.

He would come over my house and we would hang out, hug, kiss, watch movies, have sex, it was amazing. But he kept saying I was too young, just a kid, and he wouldn't make a commitment. I kept waiting for him to come around. I was IN LOVE 100%, and I wanted him to feel that way too.

We had an abortion together when my birth control failed. I didn't want to, and he didn't want to. But at the time, I was living with strict parents who would have tossed me on the streets, and he was living with his parents, being legally blind and needing pills, etc, he needed the help.

So after about a year of this, I had a good friend over the house. And he called. And said he wanted to be with me forever, and my friend who could hear, is going no, keep your dignity, and say NO. I fell to her peer pressure and told him NO.

Worst mistake ever.

I do love my husband of course, we have been married a long time now and have three kids.

But the bad part is this...

I'm waiting for either my kids to grow up and move out or him to leave me or him to get hit by a truck so I can look up Dave, this wonderful man I will never stop loving. How terrible is that?

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 1, 2011 at 7:43 PM
Replies (51-60):
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 7:15 AM


by Anonymous 13 on Nov. 3, 2011 at 8:29 AM

Looking back is all fine and dandy once in a while, but thinking that things will be the same if you ever get to rekindle!  I hate to burst your bubble, but things will never be the same between this man and you.  Not only have both of you grown into different people that you were back than.  But you have also had children.  Trying to rekindle with someone from your past before kids, isn't always worth it.  I tried, it didn't work.  He did not have kids, and didn't seem to want them, when I myself, want to be happy but have my kids there too.   I wish you the best!  But please don't keep looking back.  You have so many wonderful things to look forward too! 

by Anonymous 14 on Nov. 3, 2011 at 8:40 AM

Grow up, deal with your problems and stop living in the past. You turned him down...any normal man is not going to want you again. I think you've done more than "look him up", and you're trying to justify your actions by saying you're not "in love" with your husband. if it's that bad, leave him, so he can go find a good woman who is honest with him.

by Anonymous 15 on Nov. 3, 2011 at 8:55 AM

This is a shame. I use to live in a fantasy world too once myself. I thought I was in love with a man, but we lost contact along the way. Years later I still thought about him as a married mom and I longed to be with him instead of my DH ... Time went by and guess what? We moved and my ex was now my next door neighbor. He turned out to be a pig and a dirty alcoholic. Sometimes Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. Appreciate what you have!

by Anonymous 16 on Nov. 3, 2011 at 9:22 AM

 I know what you mean... the love of my life is gone so I can never have the chance, only dreams of what might've been... & nightmares of what I'm stuck in...  ='(

by Anonymous 11 on Nov. 3, 2011 at 11:07 AM

Part of growing up is appreciating what you have and not moping about the past...

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Anonymous:

Sounds like you need to grow up...

If your idea of growing up means forgetting your first love than I don't want to grow up and I disagree with your idea of what growing up is. If growing up means forgetting all happiness, I dont agree with what you think growing up means.

by Gold Member on Nov. 3, 2011 at 11:33 AM

That's emotional manipulation and is actually a form of abuse. Why did you allow that?

Quoting Anonymous:

When we got married, we did so with a big group of people getting married for a publicity stunt. When the man said to say I do, I mouthed it. I didnt even say it. I only married him because I cared about him, didnt want him doing something stupid, felt sorry for him, and though MAYBE in TIME I would grow to love him. Its been 12  yrs since I said goodbye to dave and not 1 day has gone by without me thinking about, fantasizing about, and wishing I'd stay by HIS side.

by Gold Member on Nov. 3, 2011 at 12:02 PM


Do you even really know who this other guy is? I mean really know?

by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 7:22 PM

Had one of those myself...been married a long time but felt that my relationship with this other guy never had a real ending...looked him up on FB and we e-mailed back and forth for a few months, talked on the phone and I realized after months of this that the memory was larger than the reality.  I love my husband and have had no contact with him in a few months..rarely think about him when for years I thought about him often..what if?  After talking with him, e-mailing and texting I realized the what if was  not important..the reality I am in is.

by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 7:31 PM

I think it sad that you had to listen to another person to ditact your love life.

I also think its sad that you are not strong enough to be happy ... but then again wishing death on your DH is pretty horrible & rather disguting.

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