Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I resent your two kids (sorry if its long)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies

Awhile back dh helped his friend move back up where we live, but his friend didn't have power or water on at his house yet and he has a pregnant wife and a set of two year old twins. Actually, they aren't quite two years old yet, they turn two this month I believe. So we agreed to let them stay for the weekend so that on the following Monday dh's friend could have the power and water turned on, that was a big mistake. What was supposed to only be three days turned into nearly four months. dh's friend was lazy and good for nothing, he didn't help around the house, he wasn't working....all he did was sit around on the computer playing video games and expecting us to give him and his family a free ride in life. We put up with it for far to long. The twins were so disobedient, and more than just the normal toddler stuff. They were allowed to go to bed at whatever time they wanted, usually they would stay up until well past midnight (my ds is always in bed by 9 at the latest, but he is usually in bed at 8:00 on the dot) and sleep half the day away, then they refused to take a nap because they had already slept most of the day. When they finally did take a nap it was usually around 5:00-6:00 pm and then they would end up staying up all night again on account of that. Their parents let them have whatever they wanted whenever they wanted it, they didn't feel like hearing them cry.

The twins were both major bullies but in different ways. The girl was a biter, and she had major anger issues, so any time she was upset she would take her frusteration out on my son who is two. She bit his back so hard one time that it broke the skin and was purple and bruised for nearly a month, no joke. Another time she wanted his blankie (its his lovie. I make him share his toys and stuff, but there are three things that he does not share because they are special to him: his blankie, pooh bear, and pillow) so when she took it from him and he tried to take it back she bit his chin really hard. This was an almost day-to-day ordeal, I was constantly finding fresh bite marks on my ds. And it pissed me off so bad that the parents refused to discipline the girl for it, they usually just brushed it off. ds put up with the abuse from the twins really well, he didn't really hit or bite back or anything, he'd either sit there quietly and take it or come crying to his mommy. But eventually he got fed up (can you blame him?) and started hitting and biting back, but when he did tthe twins mom would freak out on him and spank him. She couldn't spank her own damn kids when they beat up on my poor baby but when he defended himself she felt she had the right to spank my child? When I caught ds either biting or hitting I would discipline him myself, even though deep down I knew they deserved it and didn't want to discipline him at all for it. But fighting violence with violence never solves anything.

So onto the boy twin...he was a hitter, pintcher, and hair puller. One time he pulled my ds out of a chair by his hair, ds smacked his face on the floor and his mouth was bleeding. The twins parents didn't do anything about it. So many times I fought the urge to smack these kids across the face, lord knows they deserved it. But I kept telling myself that they were not my children and it was not my place to discipline them in any way.

They had a dog, a miniature pinscher, who had been hit by multiple cars so he had bad hips. The dog didn't like to be touched on account of the bad hips, but ds didn't understand that. He loves animals (especially puppies and kitties) and he just wanted to play, but every time he came close to the dog the dog would growl and snap at him. But, of course, ds was always the one getting yelled at for "messing with the dog". One time the dog snapped and got ds in the face, he had a cut under his eye on his cheekbone. It wasn't very deep and didn't seem to hurt ds to bad, but still....at this point I was fighting the urge to tell them to deal with their dog or they were going to come home one day and find a dead dog. I am an animal person and am against animal abuse, but when it comes to my ds momma bear comes out. One night ds was trying to sit on the couch, but the mutt had claimed the entire couch as his and wouldn't let ds near it. dh's friend kept yelling at him to stay away from the dog, but all ds wanted to do was cuddle with his blankie on the couch. He got to close to the dog and the dog snapped at him, dh's friend yelled and said that if ds didn't leave the damn dog alone he was going to "beat his butt". This was my trigger. I had had enough, and was about ready to snap anyway, but when he said he was going to put his hands on my child I snapped and yelled at him saying "no you won't, he isn't your goddamn child". There was so much more I wanted to say, but I was so angry that I couldn't talk anymore or I'd start bawling my eyes out out of pure rage. So I scooped ds up in my arms and we went to my bedroom so that I could cool off. When I came back out dh said that they had all left. I asked where they went and he told me they went to their place, even though the water and electricty wasn't on yet. But guess what? It was on by the next day....if it was that easy to get them to get their shit together and leave then I should have gone off long before I did.

dh is still friends with them and we see them on occasion, but after everything that happened with the twins and my son I resent these kids. I cannot stand to be around them and I don't want ds around them But at the same time, feeling that way makes me feel like a bad person.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 2, 2011 at 11:47 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Erika_Wheeler09
by Bronze Member on Nov. 2, 2011 at 12:00 PM

YIKES! i wouldnt have been able to put up with that for much of a week let alone 4 months! i dont think you should feel like a bad person those kids were very mean to your child and as a mother you felt sorry for him and watched to protect him i would have been the same way i have a friend and her kids are older then mind and they love to kick pull hair and steal toys from my kids! and i hate it and i dont like my kids playing with them, you cant blame it all on the kids tho because their parents clearly are not taking the time to teach their children good behaviour and manners but still that doesnt make you a bad person for not liking them, also when i read that the mother of the twins would spank your son or they would yell at your son, i would have let them have it the first time they so much as raised their voice at my son they dont know how to take care of their own children this is one way they are going to discipline mine.


Tissaboo
by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 12:23 PM

No that doesnt make you a bad person, it makes them bad parents. No offence but your dh should have stepped in a long time before you broke down. I know if someones child hurt my child and they were not repremanded i would tell the parent to take their children and gtfo.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 2, 2011 at 12:51 PM

 I don't know how I was able to put up with it for as long as I did. I am not a very confrontational person, so I guess I just didn't want any drama or fighting. I wish I had spoken up when things first started getting bad, I regret allowing it to go on for as long as it did. ds used to be such a sweetheart, and he still is, but he also picked up some bad habits from the twins. He never once bit me, not until they started biting him. He had bit me three times in a period of five days before they moved out. When he was getting his first couple teeth he would gently bite down, just testing them, but he never applied pressure and never did it with the intent to hurt me, not until they started doing it to him. It took several weeks to get him back into his old bed time schedule, and some nights we still struggle with it. When the twins where here they slept in his bedroom and he slept in the playpen in my room, since we only have two bedrooms, and a lot of the time he would wake up in the middle of the night and see me so he wouldn't go back to sleep until I put him in the bed with me and dh. But you're right, you really can't blame it all on the kids. Its the parents who allow the kids to act that way and don't do anything about it when they get out of line. I babysit a little boy who is a few months younger than ds, and sometimes ds is a bully to him because he knows he's bigger and stronger and thinks he's large and in charge. But never once have I allowed him to get away with that sort of behavior, he gets a swat on the butt and/or put in the corner for timeout when he acts that way. The other boys mom has given me permission to discipline her son when I need to, and I don't do it very often because I don't feel right disciplining other peoples kids, but at least when I do it I know his mom is ok with it. The twins parents never asked me if it was ok for them to discipline my son, and if they had I would have told them no. They can't discipline my son if they can't even keep their own two kids under control. 

Quoting Erika_Wheeler09:

YIKES! i wouldnt have been able to put up with that for much of a week let alone 4 months! i dont think you should feel like a bad person those kids were very mean to your child and as a mother you felt sorry for him and watched to protect him i would have been the same way i have a friend and her kids are older then mind and they love to kick pull hair and steal toys from my kids! and i hate it and i dont like my kids playing with them, you cant blame it all on the kids tho because their parents clearly are not taking the time to teach their children good behaviour and manners but still that doesnt make you a bad person for not liking them, also when i read that the mother of the twins would spank your son or they would yell at your son, i would have let them have it the first time they so much as raised their voice at my son they dont know how to take care of their own children this is one way they are going to discipline mine.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 2, 2011 at 12:56 PM

 I know, you're right. dh says all the time that he regrets letting things go on for as long as it did and he wishes he had stepped up and done something about the situation. I told dh never again....he has a kind heart and likes to help people but I told him nobody else will be staying with us for any amount of time unless it is actual blood family. Especially not this family again. I feel bad that they are having a hard time financially, but it is not my obligation to provide for their family as well as my own, I don't have the money or resources for that. If dh's friend could get off his lazy butt and get a job then they wouldn't be in this situation to begin with.

Quoting Tissaboo:

No that doesnt make you a bad person, it makes them bad parents. No offence but your dh should have stepped in a long time before you broke down. I know if someones child hurt my child and they were not repremanded i would tell the parent to take their children and gtfo.

 

Erika_Wheeler09
by Bronze Member on Nov. 2, 2011 at 1:01 PM

I guess im just confrontational lol cause i would have told them to get out the first time it happened but thats just me and ive been told i can be to big of a bitch so probably a good thing that you kept your cool. but i do agree with the other poster that your husband should have stepped up and said some thing after all they were his friends and over staying their welcome but at least they are out now! I can see how your son mite have picked up bad habits! which sucks but sounds like your getting him back in to his old ways! Im having trouble getting my kids out of our bedroom right now too, we let our oldest (2years old) sleep in our room cause he had a high fever and once he noticed that his baby brother slept at the end of the bed he wont sleep in his bed but the baby is now 6 months old so im tryin to get them in their own room!!! and as far as the discipline i agree if they would have asked it would have been different but just taking it upon them self's when they cant even control their kids is just out of line! sorry again that you had to put up with all of it but good for you for being calm the whole time!

Quoting Anonymous:

 I don't know how I was able to put up with it for as long as I did. I am not a very confrontational person, so I guess I just didn't want any drama or fighting. I wish I had spoken up when things first started getting bad, I regret allowing it to go on for as long as it did. ds used to be such a sweetheart, and he still is, but he also picked up some bad habits from the twins. He never once bit me, not until they started biting him. He had bit me three times in a period of five days before they moved out. When he was getting his first couple teeth he would gently bite down, just testing them, but he never applied pressure and never did it with the intent to hurt me, not until they started doing it to him. It took several weeks to get him back into his old bed time schedule, and some nights we still struggle with it. When the twins where here they slept in his bedroom and he slept in the playpen in my room, since we only have two bedrooms, and a lot of the time he would wake up in the middle of the night and see me so he wouldn't go back to sleep until I put him in the bed with me and dh. But you're right, you really can't blame it all on the kids. Its the parents who allow the kids to act that way and don't do anything about it when they get out of line. I babysit a little boy who is a few months younger than ds, and sometimes ds is a bully to him because he knows he's bigger and stronger and thinks he's large and in charge. But never once have I allowed him to get away with that sort of behavior, he gets a swat on the butt and/or put in the corner for timeout when he acts that way. The other boys mom has given me permission to discipline her son when I need to, and I don't do it very often because I don't feel right disciplining other peoples kids, but at least when I do it I know his mom is ok with it. The twins parents never asked me if it was ok for them to discipline my son, and if they had I would have told them no. They can't discipline my son if they can't even keep their own two kids under control. 

Quoting Erika_Wheeler09:

YIKES! i wouldnt have been able to put up with that for much of a week let alone 4 months! i dont think you should feel like a bad person those kids were very mean to your child and as a mother you felt sorry for him and watched to protect him i would have been the same way i have a friend and her kids are older then mind and they love to kick pull hair and steal toys from my kids! and i hate it and i dont like my kids playing with them, you cant blame it all on the kids tho because their parents clearly are not taking the time to teach their children good behaviour and manners but still that doesnt make you a bad person for not liking them, also when i read that the mother of the twins would spank your son or they would yell at your son, i would have let them have it the first time they so much as raised their voice at my son they dont know how to take care of their own children this is one way they are going to discipline mine.


 


Dare2Bme71
by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 1:02 PM

When that mother had the gull to put her hands on my kid, it would have be a brawl, as for the dog, i have dogs

I've worked with dogs, and that dog should have been crated, or given to some one with out young children

it bit a child, I have a now bite rule as far as any dog biting a child or having the potential to bite a child, I

rescued large mastif breeds and Pitbulls, I've seen what dogs can do, I've also seen more dog bite cases

from small dogs than any other breed. Min Pins being top of the list it's not a breed to have around children.

You put up with a hell of a lot more than I would have, those un-grateful people, thier un-ruly children and bad

tempered dog would have been so out of my house with a quickness or i would have been in jail the first

time someone spanked or threaten to spank my child.. especially in my own house. Don't feel bad, you can

love children and can't stand some and still not be a bad person, it's not really those kids fault they have lazy

parents.. but the kids sure as heck are gonna pay for it, in the long run..

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 2, 2011 at 1:11 PM
Fuck no they wouldn't spank my kid. You're not bad, they suck at life
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 2, 2011 at 1:12 PM

 Well sometimes I wish I was more of a bitch. lol My mil tells me all the time she wants to bring the bitch out in me. lol I know its there, it just likes to hide and takes a lot of pushing to get it to rear its ugly head. lol ds slept in my bed from the time he was a newborn until he was nearly one year old, we finally got him sleeping in his own room and he was doing so good and then they moved in....so its hard getting him back into his old schedule but not impossible. Anyway, I hope you're able to get your kids into their own room. We have a queen sized bed, dh is a big man (not fat, just big boned) and so the bed isn't really big enough for the three of us.

Quoting Erika_Wheeler09:

I guess im just confrontational lol cause i would have told them to get out the first time it happened but thats just me and ive been told i can be to big of a bitch so probably a good thing that you kept your cool. but i do agree with the other poster that your husband should have stepped up and said some thing after all they were his friends and over staying their welcome but at least they are out now! I can see how your son mite have picked up bad habits! which sucks but sounds like your getting him back in to his old ways! Im having trouble getting my kids out of our bedroom right now too, we let our oldest (2years old) sleep in our room cause he had a high fever and once he noticed that his baby brother slept at the end of the bed he wont sleep in his bed but the baby is now 6 months old so im tryin to get them in their own room!!! and as far as the discipline i agree if they would have asked it would have been different but just taking it upon them self's when they cant even control their kids is just out of line! sorry again that you had to put up with all of it but good for you for being calm the whole time!

Quoting Anonymous:

 I don't know how I was able to put up with it for as long as I did. I am not a very confrontational person, so I guess I just didn't want any drama or fighting. I wish I had spoken up when things first started getting bad, I regret allowing it to go on for as long as it did. ds used to be such a sweetheart, and he still is, but he also picked up some bad habits from the twins. He never once bit me, not until they started biting him. He had bit me three times in a period of five days before they moved out. When he was getting his first couple teeth he would gently bite down, just testing them, but he never applied pressure and never did it with the intent to hurt me, not until they started doing it to him. It took several weeks to get him back into his old bed time schedule, and some nights we still struggle with it. When the twins where here they slept in his bedroom and he slept in the playpen in my room, since we only have two bedrooms, and a lot of the time he would wake up in the middle of the night and see me so he wouldn't go back to sleep until I put him in the bed with me and dh. But you're right, you really can't blame it all on the kids. Its the parents who allow the kids to act that way and don't do anything about it when they get out of line. I babysit a little boy who is a few months younger than ds, and sometimes ds is a bully to him because he knows he's bigger and stronger and thinks he's large and in charge. But never once have I allowed him to get away with that sort of behavior, he gets a swat on the butt and/or put in the corner for timeout when he acts that way. The other boys mom has given me permission to discipline her son when I need to, and I don't do it very often because I don't feel right disciplining other peoples kids, but at least when I do it I know his mom is ok with it. The twins parents never asked me if it was ok for them to discipline my son, and if they had I would have told them no. They can't discipline my son if they can't even keep their own two kids under control. 

Quoting Erika_Wheeler09:

YIKES! i wouldnt have been able to put up with that for much of a week let alone 4 months! i dont think you should feel like a bad person those kids were very mean to your child and as a mother you felt sorry for him and watched to protect him i would have been the same way i have a friend and her kids are older then mind and they love to kick pull hair and steal toys from my kids! and i hate it and i dont like my kids playing with them, you cant blame it all on the kids tho because their parents clearly are not taking the time to teach their children good behaviour and manners but still that doesnt make you a bad person for not liking them, also when i read that the mother of the twins would spank your son or they would yell at your son, i would have let them have it the first time they so much as raised their voice at my son they dont know how to take care of their own children this is one way they are going to discipline mine.


 

 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 2, 2011 at 1:18 PM

 I love animals, but I will not tolerate an animal that is potentially dangerous to me or my family. And I'm not talking about bully breeds such as a pitbull, I have known some pitbulls and they are much friendlier than some of the "family" dogs (such as golden retrievers) I have known. I hope they come to their senses and get rid of the dog before it seriously hurts one of their kids, but they're talking about getting another mini pin to keep theirs company (bad, bad idea) in the hope that it will help theirs mellow out. All thats going to do is add to the problem.

If they don't get their kids in line now then I dread to see what they are like as teens or even pre-teens. And they're adding another baby into the mix (she is getting a c-section sometime this week I believe)...if they can't handle the two that they have how can they handle a third?

Quoting Dare2Bme71:

When that mother had the gull to put her hands on my kid, it would have be a brawl, as for the dog, i have dogs

I've worked with dogs, and that dog should have been crated, or given to some one with out young children

it bit a child, I have a now bite rule as far as any dog biting a child or having the potential to bite a child, I

rescued large mastif breeds and Pitbulls, I've seen what dogs can do, I've also seen more dog bite cases

from small dogs than any other breed. Min Pins being top of the list it's not a breed to have around children.

You put up with a hell of a lot more than I would have, those un-grateful people, thier un-ruly children and bad

tempered dog would have been so out of my house with a quickness or i would have been in jail the first

time someone spanked or threaten to spank my child.. especially in my own house. Don't feel bad, you can

love children and can't stand some and still not be a bad person, it's not really those kids fault they have lazy

parents.. but the kids sure as heck are gonna pay for it, in the long run..

 

ickybanana
by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 1:26 PM

Your strong for dealing with that for so long. If ANY of that happened at my house 1 time I'd be in serious bitch mode. As for the dog, we have a dog who had agression toward our son at first. Everytime he went near her she growled. She is 8 yrs old and really stuck in her ways... BUT we still taught her my 10 month old was also dominant like me and my hubby, and now she lets him love on her all the time.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured