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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

why do woman hate each other?

Posted by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 9:35 PM
  • 20 Replies
3 moms liked this

so i have been reading through this confessions forum a lot since i signed up to cafemom and i am really shocked by the cruelty and antagonism some of these woman have shown to each other. i know that forums of public opinion can sometimes get heated when politics and religion come into play but some of the things i've read have been nasty responses to fairly innocuous posts.

why aren't we all being nurturing and supportive? aren't we all moms? don't we all have issues that we come hear to get sympathy for? it would be nice to see a little less judgment and a little more love.

by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 9:35 PM
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NDADanceMom
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 9:41 PM
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Lets say you go to a therapist.  Is a good therapist the one who says "ohh you are perfect and everything is everyone elses fault..."  or is the good one that says, "You need to straighten up yourself and here is how..."

I do not find it kind or supportive to tell someone a bunch of lies so they will like me.  I find it supportive to encourage someone to grow up and take responsibility.

love and sympathy are what you get from your mom.  If you want to actually solve your problem take some good advice.

couponmom32
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 9:56 PM
3 moms liked this

it's a lot easier to take said advice when it is given in a constructive form though. do you think tough love is the best way to help a total stranger?

vocal inflection can not be heard when you are typing, sometimes when people post a comment that they think will be helpful but use harsh language to get the point across it just keeps the person who came here looking for help in that cycle of depression/abuse. i think it's called cyber bullying and a lot of people are fragile and vulnerable, in fact for some of the moms here this is only adult interaction they get right now. wouldn't you feel terrible if your version of support and encouragement was that one final push over the edge?

i myself would probably never react that way to something i read online, but that definitely doesn't mean no one else will. and don't get me wrong, i too think that if someone is doing something wrong it should be pointed out to them and often times it does take someone else telling them. i just think it can be done with out name calling and ridicule.

mommas3cubs
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 10:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Because people can hide on anon, that is why. In someways I love the Anon feature but it someways I don't think it was such a good idea.

Aspirel
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 10:20 PM
2 moms liked this

I like the anon feature for people who want to talk about private things,i think it's good to have that so people feel safe and ask for help or advice. What gets me is the people who are rude that reply anon.I think they should only allow anon threads and just the OP being able to reply anon in their own threads. I hate cowards. If you truly believe your words,then back it up and dont be a chicken shit hiding.

Quoting mommas3cubs:

Because people can hide on anon, that is why. In someways I love the Anon feature but it someways I don't think it was such a good idea.


3xangel
by *Angelicious* on Nov. 3, 2011 at 10:45 PM
Agreed. Some of these people need to take personal responsibility for their life and choices.

Quoting NDADanceMom:

Lets say you go to a therapist.  Is a good therapist the one who says "ohh you are perfect and everything is everyone elses fault..."  or is the good one that says, "You need to straighten up yourself and here is how..."


I do not find it kind or supportive to tell someone a bunch of lies so they will like me.  I find it supportive to encourage someone to grow up and take responsibility.


love and sympathy are what you get from your mom.  If you want to actually solve your problem take some good advice.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
couponmom32
by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 1:57 AM


Quoting 3xangel:

Agreed. Some of these people need to take personal responsibility for their life and choices.

Quoting NDADanceMom:

Lets say you go to a therapist.  Is a good therapist the one who says "ohh you are perfect and everything is everyone elses fault..."  or is the good one that says, "You need to straighten up yourself and here is how..."


I do not find it kind or supportive to tell someone a bunch of lies so they will like me.  I find it supportive to encourage someone to grow up and take responsibility.


love and sympathy are what you get from your mom.  If you want to actually solve your problem take some good advice.

i don't disagree with either of you. my point was never that we should coddle people who come on here airing their issues. it was that their seems to be a lot of animosity. like i said though, i'm seeing  woman reply with nasty comments that aren't the slightest bit constructive.

for example, let's say a woman comes on and says that she is feeling neglected in her marriage and has found herself fantasising about her brother-in-law but has yet to do anything about it. most people would respond like this "you should probably talk to your husband and let him know how you feel right now. do you think you really care for your brother-in-law in that way or are you just looking for something to take your mind off the problems in your marriage? i am sorry that your husband isn't paying you the attention that you feel you need but you made a promise to him when you got married and you need to do your best to honor that."

I am seeing this response 3 times out of 10 "what the hell is wrong with you? how could think like that about your own husbands brother? if these are the things that go through your head then i feel sorry for your husband and your kids. i mean really, that's just sick'

which of these two comments do you think would really be the one to set this woman on the right path? in my experience aggressive behavior responses are usually only generated emotionally like that when you see a character flaw in someone that you are afraid may exist in yourself. also when you are taking an attacking stance with someone who comes to you for help not only do you hurt them but as a defensive mechanism said person would most likely decide that your opinion is wrong and resolve to do the exact opposite thing you suggest.

can you see where i'm coming from here? a good therapist makes a person feel safe and helps them build the strength to face and resolve the issues in themselves and their relationships. they don't call names and try to bully them into submission or acquiescence. if someone said they were bulimic but needed help would just say "take your finger out of your throat and get over you stupid b*#ch!"

mrs.ti24
by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 2:02 AM

i agree

kmorales7690
by Ruby Member on Nov. 4, 2011 at 2:03 AM
1 mom liked this

no idea, i continue to get bashed for having opposite ideas, i like seeing others opinions so idk why others cant accept it

3xangel
by *Angelicious* on Nov. 4, 2011 at 2:20 AM
Some times people need the straight forward approach. I get what you're saying and I agree to an extent. In a case where a woman is having fantasies of her brother in law she needs the straight forward, blunt approach b/c she knows it's wrong and she needs to woman up and talk to her dh about the relationship issues b/c her family is on the line. I get heated about topics like those b/c I am pro family- not b/c I see the same flaw within myself. In a case where a woman is a bulimic I agree your approach is the best way to deal with that. Therapists can make you feel safe even when they are being blunt. You say aggressive behavior turns people the opposite way, well sugar coating gives off a sense of confirmation which some people use as an excuse to keep doing whatever it is and then cry woe is me. I am blunt and to the point and that's not going to change; however, I do believe there is a time and place for that just like there is a time and a place for sugar coating. Which method I use depends on the topic at hand.

Quoting couponmom32:



Quoting 3xangel:

Agreed. Some of these people need to take personal responsibility for their life and choices.



Quoting NDADanceMom:

Lets say you go to a therapist.  Is a good therapist the one who says "ohh you are perfect and everything is everyone elses fault..."  or is the good one that says, "You need to straighten up yourself and here is how..."



I do not find it kind or supportive to tell someone a bunch of lies so they will like me.  I find it supportive to encourage someone to grow up and take responsibility.



love and sympathy are what you get from your mom.  If you want to actually solve your problem take some good advice.

i don't disagree with either of you. my point was never that we should coddle people who come on here airing their issues. it was that their seems to be a lot of animosity. like i said though, i'm seeing  woman reply with nasty comments that aren't the slightest bit constructive.

for example, let's say a woman comes on and says that she is feeling neglected in her marriage and has found herself fantasising about her brother-in-law but has yet to do anything about it. most people would respond like this "you should probably talk to your husband and let him know how you feel right now. do you think you really care for your brother-in-law in that way or are you just looking for something to take your mind off the problems in your marriage? i am sorry that your husband isn't paying you the attention that you feel you need but you made a promise to him when you got married and you need to do your best to honor that."

I am seeing this response 3 times out of 10 "what the hell is wrong with you? how could think like that about your own husbands brother? if these are the things that go through your head then i feel sorry for your husband and your kids. i mean really, that's just sick'

which of these two comments do you think would really be the one to set this woman on the right path? in my experience aggressive behavior responses are usually only generated emotionally like that when you see a character flaw in someone that you are afraid may exist in yourself. also when you are taking an attacking stance with someone who comes to you for help not only do you hurt them but as a defensive mechanism said person would most likely decide that your opinion is wrong and resolve to do the exact opposite thing you suggest.

can you see where i'm coming from here? a good therapist makes a person feel safe and helps them build the strength to face and resolve the issues in themselves and their relationships. they don't call names and try to bully them into submission or acquiescence. if someone said they were bulimic but needed help would just say "take your finger out of your throat and get over you stupid b*#ch!"

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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:33 PM


(SUPER BUMP) (Originally Posted by couponmom32 on Nov. 3, 2011 at 9:35 PM )

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