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I am being pressured by opposing sides

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies

A little back story, I have 3 boys and am in school rather than working. I gave up on dead end jobs and decided I needed to go back to school to increase my chances at a decent job. I also left their father back in January, but we are trying to work things out. 


Now, their dad is really pushing for having a girl, and he wants to start trying next month. We have a 4 year old, a 3 year old, and an 18month old. We do not currently live together, although that is in the works. I am on PA as well as housing assistance. He has a job, but he does not make a decent enough income, based on where we live. (I know some areas on the US, his wages would be more than enough, but not here) I can't move to a cheaper (and safer) area until next year. 


However, my family doesn't want me to have more, EVER. They want me to get my tubes tied and call it done. They figure I have enough on my plate, and I should be done having kids. I still have a small "pouch" from having 3 kids back to back, and everytime I see extended family it's the same thing "Are you pregnant?" "No." "You sure?" "Yes" "Good. No more kids. You have enough."


So, now the big question, what do I want? I want 2 more, and then to be done. I hope they would be girls. Until I get to a point where I would be happy with 2 more boys, I do not want to start trying. I have tossed around adoption, but SO has said he wants a biological daughter. Honestly, I kinda do too. Although, I know adoption would be fine too, if it means I am guranteed a girl.  


Just needed to get this out there. Sorry.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 5, 2011 at 8:08 PM
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Replies (1-9):
rylandsmommie
by on Nov. 5, 2011 at 8:10 PM
Don't have more till you are out of school and y'all are settled and off PA.. That would be insanely irresponsible
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Luv.My.Kidz
by on Nov. 5, 2011 at 8:13 PM

I wouldn't have any more kids until you are off PA and housing. Just my opinion. That's what my DF and I agreed to. We're going into housing and we're on PA also.

We agreed that we're not having kids until 1) we're off assistance and 2) are married for at least a year. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 5, 2011 at 8:17 PM

See, that's what I keep telling him, but he is seriously pressuring me hardcore to have the IUD removed so we can start trying ASAP. It's like he doesn't care if we struggle. One of the reasons I left is because I was sick of living in hotels. We were struggling that badly. I just wish he would see it that way. 

simple_ole_me
by Silver Member on Nov. 5, 2011 at 8:20 PM

First, I'd be concerned with getting your relationship back together before you even considered another child. Working on it is great ... but you better give it time to make sure yours and his work has payed off. The other obvious point -- well, it's already been stated.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 5, 2011 at 8:26 PM

Trust me ladies, I am on your side about waiting. I just need ideas on how to convince him of this.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 5, 2011 at 8:29 PM
It's your body so I don't know why you need to convince him. Your not in a place where you can take care of more kids. It's not fair to the three you have to add more when you can't take care of those you have.
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Sarah_Moore
by Gold Member on Nov. 5, 2011 at 8:33 PM

this.

Quoting simple_ole_me:

First, I'd be concerned with getting your relationship back together before you even considered another child. Working on it is great ... but you better give it time to make sure yours and his work has payed off. The other obvious point -- well, it's already been stated.


davnrori
by Gold Member on Nov. 5, 2011 at 9:10 PM

I would have to say, no convincing necessary. Tell him no, not right now, and be done with it. You seem like an intelligent person and you know how irresponsible it would be to bring more children into the picture when you're already struggling so much. Your family, though I can't comment for sure as you didn't say what kind of relationship you have with them, seems to also know that you can't handle any more right now. Getting your tubes tied is your personal choice and they shouldn't be suggesting that. Don't have any more children until you can fully support the family you already have. Even young children know when you are struggling and it is stressful for them too. Good luck to you!

Ataemommy
by on Nov. 5, 2011 at 9:13 PM

Having a baby when you can't afford one is incredibly irresponsible. He's being a selfish, system draining idiot.

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