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Fighting to save my marriage, Hubby and I don't see eye to eye on parenting

Posted by on Nov. 7, 2011 at 8:19 PM
  • 11 Replies

Are there any biblical instructions or principles on building relationships between children and non- biological parents? Do's or don'ts? What comes first? A child's respect for the adult or the adult investing time in the child to create a bond and therefore earn the child's respect?? This is the one thing that my DH and I just don't see eye to eye on and it's destroying our marriage. Please, I could really use some honest advice. If more info is needed, please ask!

by on Nov. 7, 2011 at 8:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
allhalls
by on Nov. 7, 2011 at 10:27 PM

 I wish I could give you advice but I am actually going through the exact same thing right now. Almost all of the fights DH and I have are about the kids and how to displine them. Good luck!!

Faith4686
by on Nov. 29, 2011 at 10:05 AM

Well, if you need to talk I'm here!

pghmommyof5
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2011 at 2:29 PM

I could have written this post.... I have gotten to the point that I fee like giving up sometimes. I can't take the fighting anymore...

orangeillusion
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2011 at 2:37 PM
I think respect and time go together. He needs to spend time with her and she needs to show respect to her elders period. Don't try to take dads place. Do show love and concern for her. You should probably be the main disciplinary for her. I suggest investing in kingdom families by myles sweeny.
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Faith4686
by on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:28 PM

Giving up isn't an option. Lol, and thank you for the suggestion, I wil definately look into the book!

JacksMom1221
by Platinum Member on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:56 PM
Oh man, what a tough situation. Although I think its important for dd to show respect, its also very important for her to feel like she and her input matter. I wonder if u could Google some books that may help , like some books written for step children to help them with the situation? Or maybe counseling? Like family counseling. Maybe talking to a third party would help her to open up and/or realize what she's really angry about. Have u tried just talking to her, asking her why she doesn't like him? Maybe plan some family outings, like a gameday at an Incredible Dave's or Dave & Busters, and encourage them, lightly, to play some games together, like tag team games ya know. Do things with her and make her feel included. How old is she? Old enough to understand? Like, to understand that u and her father maybe grew apart, or whatever happened that u divorced, and that u are happy with new dh, that her happiness is important to u and that u would hope your happiness is important to her as well. And that the continued discontent between her and dh is going to lead to a second divorce. I'm sure she wouldn't want to see u sad. I do hope this helps.
JacksMom1221
by Platinum Member on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:58 PM
Ps, sorry for kinda rambling. My mind tends to go faster than my fingers!
lvmy3lilones
by on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:59 PM

i honestly think the adult needs to invest time in the child...

neclark18
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:53 AM

I think it is important for the adult to build the bond with the child before the child can fully respect and trust the adult...thats just my opinion.

hottmommi42
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:59 AM

Yes. Well, kind of. You are to put God first, then your husband, then your children. We are all "adopted" thru Jesus, so that's how the "parenting" role plays. Your DH needs to know that he is FIRST IN COMMAND. and your children need to know that he is the head of the household. The kids will follow your lead. Of course any man should know that he needs to respect the kids, and know that this is wierd and it takes a while. Hope that you guys can work through it. Check out focus on the family ministries, see if they have tools and tips to hlep bridge the gap. 

Is the kiddos father involved? He need to know that he is their father, but your dh is the boss of the house. If your ex has any issues, he needs to take it to your dh, not the kids. Hugs!

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