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I think I may need some serious help here... {kind of long}

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies

I went outside to smoke a few minutes ago... and yesterday when I was here alone with my baby.... all I could think about was somebody {or my ex mainly} coming here and something happening {both DH and roommate are in bed atm}.

And it's not just thinking about it, it's a scene playing in my head such as someone coming here while I'm in the bathroom or something and they try to hurt my baby and I sneak up behind them with a knife to their throat or someone shooting me and no one here or w/e to help and then my baby is left alone or I can't get help so I end up bleeding to death and no one knows it etc.

I don't know why I'm thinking like this, there's no logical explanation for it. I don't have money to go to a psychiatrist and I have no idea if that would even help honestly. I don't want to be put on medicine or whatnot. I would like some way to get peace without having to see a doctor about it if possibly.

Am I alone in this? Is this even normal? Help please!!! It's like a constant reoccuring fear I'm having and I have no clue why.

I'm perfectly happy with my life, DH is amazing to both me and baby, we have fun etc. It's not that I'm in an unhappy relationship etc... I did have a very bad nightmare involving my ex trying to rape me a few nights ago and I had a stranger to hold my baby {which would never ever happen!!!} during the entire dream. I've had scenese play through my head off and on way before this nightmare though. I have been scared to go to sleep after 2 nightmares I had within 3 nights though. I still go to bed because I'm tired and have to sleep, but I really don't want to for fear of having another nightmare. The first nightmare I had {2 nights before the one about my ex} was about my baby being sprayed in the face by a hydropump in a pool/hottub thing and she drowned from it and I had to give her CPR. She turned out okay, but it seemed so real, both the nightmares did, and I want those to stop too. It's been about 4-5 days since I had a nightmare, thank God, but I'm still worried I'm going to have another one.


No, I'm not crazy. Never had anything like this happen that I can remember except within the past month or two. My baby is almost 12 weeks old. Can it be blamed solely on PPSD? Or something else? IDK...

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:00 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Rockabye
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:09 PM

I have this problems at times so believe me when I say I feel for you. Mine comes from my PTSD. Most of the time it happens when I am taking a shower while dd naps and SO is at work. I always lock the door and slide the chain so logically I know that noone is going to come in and kill me and steal my baby, but it can be pretty hard to listen to logic when your heart speeds up and you just have a sick feeling in your stomach that something is going to happen. I get nightmares usually accompanied by sleep paralysis all the time and have the same problem not wanting to fall asleep. 

I would say that yours is caused alot by stress but to be on the safe side you should see a dr because sometimes our subconscious tells us something is wrong through dreams

allhalls
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:15 PM

 I do the same thing only its all the time, its part of my OCD.  When I go to bed at night I start thinking about things like someone breaking in while I'm sleeping and can actually see in my mind the things that "could" happen. Its awful but you are not alone. It sucks and its hard to deal with. If you ever wanna talk let me know, it helps sometimes and sometimes it makes it worse.

sissyboogs
by Ruby Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:21 PM

I think you probably have serious fear of something happening to your baby, as does any mother, and the fears are manifesting themselves in nightmares because that's how your mind is best able to deal with them.

It could be a type of PPD, it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone about it.

I remember when I was pregnant with my first, I couldn't wait until he was born because I thought then I could relax--I'd be able to see and feel him breathe, I'd be able to hear his heartbeat, I would *know* he was safe at all times. Then, I realized that it's even scarier after they're born because there are SO many things that could happen. It's really scary.

rlk121909
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:31 PM

Paranoia. i have horrible paranoia and i honestly dont trust my husband with my daughter. whenever shes not with me i see bad stuff happening. i know my husband loves her and would never hurt her but if im cooking dinner and hes giving her a bath ill go in and check on them cuz i imagine him molesting her or something. its horrible i know but i cant help it. i try to talk myself down and say hed never hurt her but my mind always goes to the worst. i had to go to the hospital about 6 weeks ago cuz i fell down some stairs and wanted to check to make sure the baby was ok and we left the baby with hubbies grandma and i just kept envisioning her dropping her on the tile floor and her head smashing to pieces.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 10, 2011 at 1:05 AM

Thanks for the replies. Glad I'm not alone. That is a huge relief in itself, even if it doesn't stop the worries. Anyone else and any suggestions on how to get peace of mind without medicine or having to see a psychiatrist etc.?

adorablenessx
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 6:39 AM

It could be from PSSD, or it could be that you are worried that around you, you don't feel entirely protected. I would reccommend a class on self defense and figure out plans for emergencies for when someone breaks in the house, or when you're out with your baby how do you ward off a predator? I've taken rape defense classes along other self defense classes and it really boost my confidence when im out in public alone. I'm always aware of my surroundings and have knowledge of what to do in an emergency situation. Its normal for any mother to be worried of these things, you love and care for your family and thats perfectly normal.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 10, 2011 at 7:04 AM

There are a lot of good Youtube videos on "How to stop negative thoughts". Mostly from Doctors. You should check those out. 

WickedOpal
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2015 at 1:08 AM

I had vivid nightmares and then weird scary thoughts while awake.  My mom thought I may have been suffering from a thyroid storm.  They happen sometimes post partum and are super dangerous.  I have also heard of women having hallucinations from PPD, too.  Either way, you need to see someone about this.  It could be nothing or it could be something awful.  There's no way to know, unless you see a Dr.

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