I went throught a terrible depression almost a year ago. I dont think I am completely out of it though and seem to get swallowed in as soon as I start feeling like myself again. I just resently started college this fall, but i just cant seem to stay focused. I missed so many classes now that i think im going to lose student aid and wont be able to return when i get my head straight. Im letting everything i wanted go down the drain. Ive been hiding the fact that im depressed like this from my family and friends because while i was last going through the last depression it seemed like they tried to avoid me. but as soon as i drop my smile and cheerfulness, ill be all alown again. All i want to do is sleep. I just want to sleep my life away. I barly eat anymore (i gain over 100lb durning my pregnacy, i already weighed 205 [the less i weighted sents i was little] but after the pregnacy i was 308lbs.) It kills me whenever i see myself in the mirror. Im only 21 years old. i used to be suuper super active in my sons life. but now i just sit in the dark upstairs. I dont want to even leave my room or have anyone over. I didnt brush my hair for over a week, and now i have this dread stuck in my hair and i cant even get it out. So now if i do even want to get out, im way to embarrased. ive been thinking about just ending it. i just cant seem to handle this. I was 17 yrs old when i was forced into marrage with my 28 yr old husband. i met him on myspace and only talked to him for awhile over about a yr off and on. well my stepdad hated me and once before he told my mom "me or her" so she picked him over me and sent me to my grandma. well my grandma passed and i get sent back to my mom. same thing happend. but it was to either go to foster care or get married. my mom liked the idea of this older guy marring me so i moved all the way from ohio to VA. hes soo terrible. ive been married to him over 3 yrs now. we have our son together. but i dont want to be with him. but i have no where to go. none of my family even cares. im all alown. and i cant just get up and leave w/ my son with no where to go. and i couldnt ever let him stay with my husband because of the way he treats us. i wouldnt be able to get a job w/o him taking the money. i feel sooo hopeless. i just want to give up. but i cant leave my son behind in that mess. i dont know what to do.