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Pregnant again after a loss at 18 weeks

Posted by on Nov. 17, 2011 at 12:28 PM
  • 15 Replies

I lost my son july 2nd 2011 at 18 weeks 1 day and i sunk into a dark place but made myself beleave i was fine and picked myself back up and told DH i was ready to try again and just 2 months after the loss i'm pregnant again and to be honest i'm happy but not as happy as i should be.I do not want to get attached to this baby at all i feel horrable about it and i should have waited untill i was 100% ready but i felt that if i got pregnant again i wouldn't feel so hurt lost and depressed but i still am.I must sound like a cazy ungreatful bitch huh?

by on Nov. 17, 2011 at 12:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
fey-enigma
by Bronze Member on Nov. 17, 2011 at 12:30 PM
1 mom liked this

That's a completely natural and normal reaction. I'm so sorry for your loss, but congratulations on your new pregnancy. I really hope that the fear and pain can be dismissed soon so you can enjoy and plan for your joy. <3

elizabeth.mary
by on Nov. 17, 2011 at 12:33 PM

No you don't sound like an ungreatful bitch.
I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm sure after 20 weeks maybe more you'll be okay and start bonding with the baby growing in you. You'll be alright mama!

AndiDurall
by on Nov. 17, 2011 at 12:38 PM

That is normal, hon. Very normal. We had 2 miscarriages within a couple years of eachother and when we got pregnant with our son Ben, who is now 2, I was very detached until past the 20 week mark. Even then, I kept trying to keep myself comfortable by assuming that something could happen.  Even with this baby (I am 32 weeks pregnant), when we found out, I started spotting. I had myself convinced that we would lose the pregnancy so I did not attach. Once we got closer to 20 weeks, I was finally more attached. Don't beat yourself up over it. You went through something very painful.....it's normal to want to cushion yourself against that kind of pain happening again.

happymama2D
by Bronze Member on Nov. 17, 2011 at 3:17 PM

 That is a completely normal way to feel! I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and I was terrified when I got pregnant again.  I believe my exact words when I told my husband I was pregnant again were "well, I am pregnant again, but I don't even want to talk about it because I am having cramps and I am sure I am going to have another miscarriage".  Ummmmm .. ok? I can't imagine losing a baby at 18 weeks.  I am so sorry.   A good friend of mine also lost her first baby at around the same time you did, and she felt the same way.  She went on to have a beautiful daughter, and I am sure it will also be the same for you (although you might have a son!)  Best of luck to you!

Bknotnobody
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2011 at 3:20 PM

I lost a baby at about 9 weeks or so. 2 years later, or so I ended up pregnant again, and didn't want to be excited about it etc. So no you're not ungrateful. I think it's pretty normal. So *hugs* and good luck with this one! :) Try to focus on the positive. It's hard. I know, but it'll be okay. I heard that during my pregnancy and thought many people were nuts by the way...that it'd all be okay. In the end they were right.

MaNdYbEaR2010
by *Manda* on Nov. 17, 2011 at 3:21 PM

Normal. I wasn't really into my pregnancy with my first son because I had just miscarried six weeks before that. But in time I grew to love being pregnant with him, and I love him with my whole heart. :) Just don't hide your emotions.

spitfire06
by on Nov. 17, 2011 at 3:21 PM

hugs! 

medicmommy06
by on Nov. 17, 2011 at 3:23 PM

Good luck with your pregnancy! I hope everything turns out well for you.

luvhubandbabys
by Silver Member on Nov. 17, 2011 at 3:23 PM
Normal ur just mentally trying to protect urself from another heartache. Just take it one day at a time. Wishing u a happy n healthy 9 mos. :)
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Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on Nov. 17, 2011 at 3:31 PM

I lost my baby at 14 weeks and was pregnant a month later.  I also had issues getting attached to my baby.   It took until 20 weeks when I felt the kicks regularly and strong that I started to relax into things. (I had one premature that passed within a minute, and 6 other losses.)

Here are some ideas to help:
Talk openly to your DH and OB, explaining how you feel.  Many OBs support women getting pregnant again early, believing it helps them to get over the fear.  And they WILL support you!  Your OB can even refer you out for some counseling.
Ask your OB if he/she can order an extra ultrasound or two, for your peace of mind.  Explain you are worried about it happening again.  Many OBs will support this route, b/c they can just wheel in a machine and show you themselves in 10 mins or so.  This should help you relax that baby is fine so far, and help you bond when you see them growing.
Talk openly with your DH about keeping the pregnancies separate.  This baby DOES NOT replace the one you lost, so make a special place in your heart for them both.
Some mothers benefit from holding an "at home memorial" for the lost baby.  Take something that reminds you of hte baby, be it a test, appointment slip, baby socks, etc, and bury them in the backyard or place them on a shelf in a "shrine."
Name the lost baby.  It may be hard to think of naming it, but you may need to give it a name to properly addres it in the future.
Look forward to milestones!  By the time you have this baby, you may feel you've been pregnant forever!  And once you start feeling those kicks, it WILL get easier.

And finally, don't beat yourself up over it.  It is a very normal reaction.  It's not that you don't want this baby, it's that you are afraid.  Take things in your own time, and rely on your support network for now.  That's what they are there for.

Best of luck, and I'm sorry you had to go through this.

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