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He's Not Sure He's The Father..WWYD?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 52 Replies

So my boyfriend and i have a child together already.. we have been together for over 3 years and engaged for one of those years, but separated for a few months back in feb-june..

I moved out with our daughter (she lived with me but she got ot see her dad as well since we were ok terms, it wasn't an awkward situation, and during the whole separation, he and I were working on "us" and still in a relationship, just not cohabiting.).

ANYWAY.. when we moved back in together, I found out I was pregnant about 2  1/2 weeks after.

I am now almost in my 3rd trimester and he STILL is doubting he's the dad...My periods and ovulation are very regular and I definitely did NOT have sex with anyone else. He has been to all the ob appointments so he knows I'm not lying about how far along i am or anything. 

I understand his concern, but the question is where to go from here.. He says he'll sign the bc and an afidavit of paternity if I really want him to, but I know he'd still question it...

I'm considering not using the affidavit to establish paternity and instead use a legally binding dna test (you do one or the other, and both establish paternity legally) so there is never a doubt.  I can handle the filing for a DNA test while I am in the hospital immediately after the baby comes)  and it'd be taken care of in an extremely short amount of time....


What would you do?

(btw: in our state you do one OR the other..either both sign the affidavit OR you get paternity established through the court.

If I weren't sure he was the father, and since I'm in a relationship with him, I would just let him sign the affidavit and not mention anything else about it since if he weren't the dad and he got a DNA test, it could potentially ruin what we have as a family). So i have no doubts and would be doing a dna test to only prove that he is in fact the father.  It wouldn't do me any good to have him do a dna test if there was a chance he wouldn't be the dad.)


Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 18, 2011 at 7:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
owl0210
by Sapphire Member on Nov. 18, 2011 at 7:57 AM
Why don't you want him to sign if you're sure it's his baby? He wants to sign right? This isn't making much sense.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:00 AM
1 mom liked this

he said he would if i really want him to (it seemed more halfhearted than anything)...and i want to take the route of a dna test used to establish paternity because I don't want him to have doubts. What I'm saying is, since he is having doubts (regardless of the fact he said he'd sign it) I would like to have it proved to HIM beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is the dad by getting his paternity officially established by getting a legally binding dna test so there is never a question. I know he is the father, so I'd like to prove it to him where he can't question it by having him get a DNA test done instead of signing an afidavit (both establish paternity, in our state it's one or the other). (it'd be taken care of as soon as the baby is born and we are released from the hospital). (sorry i'm bad at explaining lol).

If I were the one doubting he were the dad, I'd just let him sign the affidavit and say nothing more of it since a dna test would have the potential of exposing if he weren't the father).. The fact I want him to get a dna test is basically saying "i know you're the dad, this is just to make sure you know it and never have another doubt."

Thus why I'd rather have a dna test with solid proof than having him sign the afidavit and potentially still questioning it (as i said you do one or the other and both establish paternity).

Quoting owl0210:

Why don't you want him to sign if you're sure it's his baby? He wants to sign right? This isn't making much sense.


0_o.Giggles.o_0
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:02 AM
It is only natural to have doubts when you have been separated for 6 mths and then immediately after getting back together you are pregnant. But if he is willing to sign, he knows he is the father.
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owl0210
by Sapphire Member on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:04 AM
That sounds like such a hassle, is that what happens when you're not married?

Quoting Anonymous:

because I don't want him to have doubts. What I'm saying is, since he is having doubts (regardless of the fact he said he'd sign it) I would like to have it proved to HIM beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is the dad by getting his paternity officially established by getting a legally binding dna test so there is never a question. I know he is the father, so I'd like to prove it to him where he can't question it by having him get a DNA test BEFORE he signs it. (it'd be taken care of as soon as the baby is born and we are released from the hospital). (sorry i'm bad at explaining lol)

Quoting owl0210:

Why don't you want him to sign if you're sure it's his baby? He wants to sign right? This isn't making much sense.


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0_o.Giggles.o_0
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:05 AM
It doesn't really matter if you sign the paternity ack before it after a DNA test if you are certain it is his. All this makes it sound like YOU are not certain.

Quoting Anonymous:

because I don't want him to have doubts. What I'm saying is, since he is having doubts (regardless of the fact he said he'd sign it) I would like to have it proved to HIM beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is the dad by getting his paternity officially established by getting a legally binding dna test so there is never a question. I know he is the father, so I'd like to prove it to him where he can't question it by having him get a DNA test BEFORE he signs it. (it'd be taken care of as soon as the baby is born and we are released from the hospital). (sorry i'm bad at explaining lol)

Quoting owl0210:

Why don't you want him to sign if you're sure it's his baby? He wants to sign right? This isn't making much sense.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:07 AM

In my state, if you are not married you have to both sign an affidavit of paternity or get paternity legally established through the court. There is no "presumed father" in legal terms. And if there are any doubts on either side, which the social worker asks when preparing everything along with the notary, they will not witness any signatures, but they will help you get a court hearing to establish paternity as soon as possible.

Quoting owl0210:

That sounds like such a hassle, is that what happens when you're not married?

Quoting Anonymous:

because I don't want him to have doubts. What I'm saying is, since he is having doubts (regardless of the fact he said he'd sign it) I would like to have it proved to HIM beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is the dad by getting his paternity officially established by getting a legally binding dna test so there is never a question. I know he is the father, so I'd like to prove it to him where he can't question it by having him get a DNA test BEFORE he signs it. (it'd be taken care of as soon as the baby is born and we are released from the hospital). (sorry i'm bad at explaining lol)

Quoting owl0210:

Why don't you want him to sign if you're sure it's his baby? He wants to sign right? This isn't making much sense.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:10 AM

i AM certain. If I weren't I wouldn't tell him to get a dna test to prove he's the dad when it could potentially ruin our family that we have now, i would just let him sign it and let it be done at that. You can't do both in this state. It's one or the other. If I weren't certain he's the dad, since I'm posting anonymously, I think I would just say that.  sorry, I mispoke in my reply. 

Quoting 0_o.Giggles.o_0:

It doesn't really matter if you sign the paternity ack before it after a DNA test if you are certain it is his. All this makes it sound like YOU are not certain.

Quoting Anonymous:

because I don't want him to have doubts. What I'm saying is, since he is having doubts (regardless of the fact he said he'd sign it) I would like to have it proved to HIM beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is the dad by getting his paternity officially established by getting a legally binding dna test so there is never a question. I know he is the father, so I'd like to prove it to him where he can't question it by having him get a DNA test BEFORE he signs it. (it'd be taken care of as soon as the baby is born and we are released from the hospital). (sorry i'm bad at explaining lol)

Quoting owl0210:

Why don't you want him to sign if you're sure it's his baby? He wants to sign right? This isn't making much sense.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:34 AM

http://www.dss.virginia.gov/pub/pdf/dcse_paternity.pdf


this document explains the methods of establishing paternity in my state.

(page 3 and 4 is where the info is)

.Pagan.
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:37 AM
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i would do the DNA test. my husband got a vasectomy but if i came up pregnant i would have one done anyways just to make sure there were no unspoken doubts back there anywhere KWIM. its easy for us to know we are the mother but it can be hard for men with all the trifling women out there that like to pin babies on men i would be cautious as a male too.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:46 AM

exactly :) I'm trying to avoid any doubts, spoken or unspoken. Either an affidavit or a dna test are both perfectly legal/legit ways of establishing paternity.

While I know the child is his, I want to make sure he is knows he is the father and will never have any doubts (which a dna test would alleviate).

. My intentions with getting a dna test are pure, because it makes it obvious I'm fully willing to prove he IS the father and not just say he is and have him "believe" it.


If I weren't sure, I'd avoid using a dna test route to establish paternity at all costs-or at least that would be the logical thing I'd think. ..


Quoting .Pagan.:

i would do the DNA test. my husband got a vasectomy but if i came up pregnant i would have one done anyways just to make sure there were no unspoken doubts back there anywhere KWIM. its easy for us to know we are the mother but it can be hard for men with all the trifling women out there that like to pin babies on men i would be cautious as a male too.


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