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He isn't my husband anymore

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 29 Replies

I love my husband.  He is a recovering drug addict and we have been through a lot.  He is my absolute best friend but lately that is all he is.  For a long time I felt unwanted and unloved because of his addiction.  His family hated me because he had them convinced that it was me and that I was making him look bad.  After he hit rock bottom they finally realized that he was lying.  We didn't have sex, he lied A LOT, there was just nothing coming from his end.  I stayed though because I knew the person he could be.  He is clean now and he is becoming everything I wanted but I feel no passion towards him. I have no real desire to be intimate with him. I just feel like he is my best friend nothing more.  He said it breaks his heart that I feel this way but I don't no how to change it.  I am not cheating on him and I don't know if I am going to leave. He still makes me laugh and I would rather spend time with him than anyone but I just feel like I have a room mate not a husband...

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 26, 2011 at 6:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
elizabeth.mary
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 6:56 PM
2 moms liked this

Sometime's people fuck up so much you just can't love them the same anymore.

anon1986East
by Kali on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:00 PM

Have you considered a support group for relatives of addicts? Or perhaps counseling? My DH isn't a recovering addict so I can't put myself in your shoes but one of my best friends is a recovering addict, I've seen him at his worse and I am always the one who drags him out of the gutter and it can put a lot of strain on any relationship. He's been clean for about 3 years now and it took awhile to feel like I got my friend back. It took time and patience to give him my trust, love and respect. Now he's back to being my friend, the friend he was before he was an addict. I hope things get better for you and your husband.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:04 PM

I hope they do too.  thank you

Quoting anon1986East:

Have you considered a support group for relatives of addicts? Or perhaps counseling? My DH isn't a recovering addict so I can't put myself in your shoes but one of my best friends is a recovering addict, I've seen him at his worse and I am always the one who drags him out of the gutter and it can put a lot of strain on any relationship. He's been clean for about 3 years now and it took awhile to feel like I got my friend back. It took time and patience to give him my trust, love and respect. Now he's back to being my friend, the friend he was before he was an addict. I hope things get better for you and your husband.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:05 PM

That is what I am afraid of

Quoting elizabeth.mary:

Sometime's people fuck up so much you just can't love them the same anymore.


sweet_island
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:06 PM

I went throught that for nearly 7 years.. I've learned you can kill love. love and passion require trust. once trust is gone for too long it cant come back. I say get out. If it's meant to be the break will help you each grow back together but I suspect that is not the case. If you are ever to fully trust him , you have to trust yourself and your judgment. There is always the chance that if he can remain sober without you , the relationship can start again.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:08 PM


Quoting sweet_island:

I went throught that for nearly 7 years.. I've learned you can kill love. love and passion require trust. once trust is gone for too long it cant come back. I say get out. If it's meant to be the break will help you each grow back together but I suspect that is not the case. If you are ever to fully trust him , you have to trust yourself and your judgment. There is always the chance that if he can remain sober without you , the relationship can start again.

I have considered this.  It isn't that the love is gone.  I still love him immensely and he loves me but there is just no passion/desire.  I could spend every second with him for the rest of my life and not grow old of it.

MamaLub
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:09 PM
Relationships have their ebbs and flow. Find a way to rekindle your love together. Good luck
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wintermermaid
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:10 PM
We've been through something similar... We had to make the decision to change and then actually start making changes even though it was awkward, uncomfortable, and even scary and vulnerable. Addiction is hard on anyone because there are so many layers to it. Addiction isn't going to go away no matter how clean and sober someone is. It is an aspect of our relationship that is always there and in many ways we are constantly addressing issues that are all tied up with the addiction issues. What saved us was a commitment to individual counseling for each of us and couples counseling. In addition to that we also had to start dating each other again. It was hard work and uncomfortable for both of us but it has been soooo worth it. Our relationship would never be at the point it is now if we hadn't gone through the process of falling in love again. Feel free to msg me if you want
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ColorMeCrazy
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:13 PM

It's true. My husband has messed up and been selfish for so long that I feel pretty much the same way that you do. He tries so hard now, but I feel nothing but friendship towards him. I don't want to be touched, hugged, kissed, nothing. I have no sex drive what-so-ever at the moment. Try counseling and part ways if you must. Don't wait forever, you know deep down if he is right for you or not.

Quoting elizabeth.mary:

Sometime's people fuck up so much you just can't love them the same anymore.


AerickMomi_MrsD
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:14 PM

hes a different person now.

So its almost like starting over with him,give him a chance and just take one day at a time that's all you can pretty much do is take one day at a time. Your use to the drug addict and hes not that person anymore. so its almost like a stranger in your home KWIM or just a close friend that you helped get though a hard patch. If you can you should go with him to A.A. meetings and group counselings if he goes, and maybe see if you could find couple group counselling with other couples going though the same thing. that always helps.

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