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Wanna know what I think of Submissive women?

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I love them, and I think you all rock, just saying.


by on Nov. 28, 2011 at 4:22 PM
Replies (201-205):
Rose87
by Ruby Member on Nov. 30, 2011 at 3:23 PM
I love you too. :-)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Crimsonia
by on Nov. 30, 2011 at 4:36 PM
Quoting Jess0915:
Quoting Crimsonia:

Ok, porn doesn't bother me personally, but then again, Hubby doesn't choose it over me.

I have some unconventional thoughts here, so bare with me for a few I'm more or less "troubleshooting" here...I'll share my thoughts shortly, but first I have a few general questions, just trying to get to the "bigger picture". 

So.....

I was mobile, so I had to jump on my computer to answer your quetions. . .

When this was an issue... specifically, in the past, not now... did the porn ITSELF bother you or just the fact that he was masturbating to it rather than coming to you instead? I know you mentioned he was choosing his hand over you, but did it start out that way or was that a gradual thing?

The porn actually does bother me, but more than that the lying bothers me the most. I thought something was wrong with me because he didn't want me.

Ok... I definitely get being upset about the lying... that would definitely get under my skin. 

Before he began watching the porn... again, in the past... were you guys having any problems sexually? I'm not asking for specific details just a very general picture.

He'd been watching porn before we met, I just didn't know it until after we were married and I was pregnant with our first (together). And before I found out about it, we had a good sex life.

Is it possible the sex suffered because your trust had been betrayed due to his lying about viewing it? Or was it perhaps because knowing he had been watching porn suddenly made you feel inadequate? more self conscious? 

When he stopped watching, did your sex life pick up? Did it stay the same? Did it get worse?

Yes, it got good again, but with me being pregnant we couldn't at the end of my pregnancy.

This I definitely understand.

Back then... was there a lot of stress in your lives? at work? at home?

He gets stressed easily, he kind of brings it on himself, he can't relax for shit. He should be on meds for PTSD, but he stopped taking them.

Stress can certainly affect a man's ability to "perform"... but meds can completely destroy his libido. So perhaps his choice to not take the meds has to do with that.

How about NOW? Has anything changed to cause a higher stress level recently?

Yes, a crapton of stuff is going on, but he was back looking at it before all this happened, and he just continued.

I'll start with those questions and then go from there?

K :)

I will also add HE doesn't want the addiction. Before I ever found out he was doing it, he joined a support group for men at our church and was going each week. I just didn't know what the meetings were for. He feels it's wrong becuase he feels bad when he looks, even back before, when he was single. 

I'm going to send you a PM for the rest.... I just feel it would be the most prudent thing right now. Far too many "sub haters" for me to say anything more on this issue with you, on this discussion. I would prefer to share my thoughts privately so as to avoid being the cause of starting any unnecessary drama over your personal matters. KWIM?

Jess0915
by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2011 at 4:48 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like a good plan. :) thanks.

Quoting Crimsonia:

Quoting Jess0915:
Quoting Crimsonia:

Ok, porn doesn't bother me personally, but then again, Hubby doesn't choose it over me.

I have some unconventional thoughts here, so bare with me for a few I'm more or less "troubleshooting" here...I'll share my thoughts shortly, but first I have a few general questions, just trying to get to the "bigger picture". 

So.....

I was mobile, so I had to jump on my computer to answer your quetions. . .

When this was an issue... specifically, in the past, not now... did the porn ITSELF bother you or just the fact that he was masturbating to it rather than coming to you instead? I know you mentioned he was choosing his hand over you, but did it start out that way or was that a gradual thing?

The porn actually does bother me, but more than that the lying bothers me the most. I thought something was wrong with me because he didn't want me.

Ok... I definitely get being upset about the lying... that would definitely get under my skin. 

Before he began watching the porn... again, in the past... were you guys having any problems sexually? I'm not asking for specific details just a very general picture.

He'd been watching porn before we met, I just didn't know it until after we were married and I was pregnant with our first (together). And before I found out about it, we had a good sex life.

Is it possible the sex suffered because your trust had been betrayed due to his lying about viewing it? Or was it perhaps because knowing he had been watching porn suddenly made you feel inadequate? more self conscious? 

When he stopped watching, did your sex life pick up? Did it stay the same? Did it get worse?

Yes, it got good again, but with me being pregnant we couldn't at the end of my pregnancy.

This I definitely understand.

Back then... was there a lot of stress in your lives? at work? at home?

He gets stressed easily, he kind of brings it on himself, he can't relax for shit. He should be on meds for PTSD, but he stopped taking them.

Stress can certainly affect a man's ability to "perform"... but meds can completely destroy his libido. So perhaps his choice to not take the meds has to do with that.

How about NOW? Has anything changed to cause a higher stress level recently?

Yes, a crapton of stuff is going on, but he was back looking at it before all this happened, and he just continued.

I'll start with those questions and then go from there?

K :)

I will also add HE doesn't want the addiction. Before I ever found out he was doing it, he joined a support group for men at our church and was going each week. I just didn't know what the meetings were for. He feels it's wrong becuase he feels bad when he looks, even back before, when he was single. 

I'm going to send you a PM for the rest.... I just feel it would be the most prudent thing right now. Far too many "sub haters" for me to say anything more on this issue with you, on this discussion. I would prefer to share my thoughts privately so as to avoid being the cause of starting any unnecessary drama over your personal matters. KWIM?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 30, 2011 at 4:58 PM

the ONLY place I'm 'submissive' is the bedroom... and then he's gotta work for it pretty hard, so it doesn't happen terribly often.

If I submitted to his decision making elsewhere, we'd live off pizza rolls and be on government assistance when we don't need it... probably living with MIL too.

Crimsonia
by on Nov. 30, 2011 at 5:58 PM

Ok... sent the PM... but need to shut down now that kidlets are home... and need to start supper. Will try to get on again later... but if not will check back tomorrow.

Quoting Jess0915:
Sounds like a good plan. :) thanks. (;-D)
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