my confession is that i am starting to resent my husband..
We are on section 8 and foodstamps, he works a minimum wage job. We have been married fir almost 5 years and we dont have shit to show for it. I was an honor student in highschool, i am by no means unintelligent, but after fleeing my abusive home and ending up in foster care i dropped out. My foster mom home schooled her kids and said she would help me to get a home school diploma...NEVER HAPPENED. They encouraged me to work, so i did, and i got married to my highschool sweetheart as soon as i turned 18. I worked full time and 3 months after I got married found out I was pregnant. I worked until I was 7 months pregnant and the doc told me i needed to stop because i had SEVERE pre eclampsia and being on my feet for 12 hrs a day was not helping my blood pressure or my severe adema. So i quit. His grandma had a bad fall and the family decided she shouldnt live alone anymore so we were volunteered to move in with her and I was to take care of her since i wasnt working.. I had no drivers liscense but was told MIL would teach me to drive since hubby worked nights and had to sleep during the day. But nobody could seem to spare the time to teach me no matter how often i asked and since it was easier to have me there to take care of her instead of working nobody bothered after a while. 2 years later DH parents decided that they and grandma were moving several hours away and we could wither come and find somewhere to live in the same town or be stuck there with no place to live or the money to pay for a place of our own. Section 8 helped us get on our feet and in an apartment in our new town and hubby is working @ Walmart, and my birth control fails... I started trying to get set up with some of the free GED classes out here so I can start taking some college courses to be able to get a good job. The day I was supposed to start he refused to get out of bed and take me because he was tired from working, and guess who still cant drive... Fast forward and now we have a 9 wk old, I'm saving to take drivers ed so i can be able to take classes and not have to rely on him for transport but them he gets very ill and has to have surgery... He is out of work for 5 weeks, There goes my drivers ed money. He is about to return to work when he gets a tip off about a job at the local jail, it pays $2000 a month (more than 2x what he is making now) and not only does he have a stae security license, we also have family that work for the sherrif's dept, he has a good chance to get this job if he applies... He refuses, he LIKES his job. He doesnt want to cut his long hair off for an interview for a job he might not get... He doesnt think he would be HAPPY working as a jailer. He doesn't seem to get that we could afford to do better if he took a chance and at least applied!! I love him dearly, I do, but i seriously contemplated punching him in the mouth. 2 kids, barely making by even with PA, and he wont even TRY. I want to go to college, I want to get a good job and do better than this for my family.... And all he can say id that I can't be happy with what we have..
Is it so bad to want to do better, to not have to be on PA and take care of our family?!
I'm just at a loss here
confession over, not looking for sympathy. just wanted to get it out because it feels like the urge to scream at him is choking me, I WANT TO DO BETTER. I know we can! Why wont he try?? I just want to do better for our kids, I want to be able to get my license and go to school and be able to earn a good living for my kids. Why is that wrong?