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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

my confession (long)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

my confession is that i am starting to resent my husband..

We are on section 8 and foodstamps, he works a minimum wage job. We have been married fir almost 5 years and we dont have shit to show for it. I was an honor student in highschool, i am by no means unintelligent, but after fleeing my abusive home and ending up in foster care i dropped out. My foster mom home schooled her kids and said she would help me to get a home school diploma...NEVER HAPPENED. They encouraged me to work, so i did, and i got married to my highschool sweetheart as soon as i turned 18. I worked full time and 3 months after I got married found out I was pregnant. I worked until I was 7 months pregnant and the doc told me i needed to stop because i had SEVERE pre eclampsia and being on my feet for 12 hrs a day was not helping my blood pressure or my severe adema. So i quit. His grandma had a bad fall and the family decided she shouldnt live alone anymore so we were volunteered to move in with her and I was to take care of her since i wasnt working.. I had no drivers liscense but was told MIL would teach me to drive since hubby worked nights and had to sleep during the day. But nobody could seem to spare the time to teach me no matter how often i asked and since it was easier to have me there to take care of her instead of working nobody bothered after a while. 2 years later DH parents decided that they and grandma were moving several hours away and we could wither come and find somewhere to live in the same town or be stuck there with no place to live or the money to pay for a place of our own.  Section 8 helped us get on our feet and in an apartment in our new town and hubby is working @ Walmart, and my birth control fails... I started trying to get set up with some of the free GED classes out here so I can start taking some college courses to be able to get a good job. The day I was supposed to start he refused to get out of bed and take me because he was tired from working, and guess who still cant drive... Fast forward and now we have a 9 wk old, I'm saving to take drivers ed so i can be able to take classes and not have to rely on him for transport but them he gets very ill and has to have surgery... He is out of work for 5 weeks, There goes my drivers ed money. He is about to return to work when he gets a tip off about a job at the local jail, it pays $2000 a month (more than 2x what he is making now) and not only does he have a stae security license, we also have family that work for the sherrif's dept, he has a good chance to get this job if he applies... He refuses, he LIKES his job. He doesnt want to cut his long hair off for an interview for a job he might not get... He doesnt think he would be HAPPY working as a jailer. He doesn't seem to get that we could afford to do better if he took a chance and at least applied!! I love him dearly, I do, but i seriously contemplated punching him in the mouth. 2 kids, barely making by even with PA, and he wont even TRY. I want to go to college, I want to get a good job and do better than this for my family.... And all he can say id that I can't be happy with  what we have..

Is it so bad to want to do better, to not have to be on PA and take care of our family?!

I'm just at a loss here

confession over, not looking for sympathy. just wanted to get it out because it feels like the urge to scream at him is choking me, I WANT TO DO BETTER. I know we can! Why wont he try?? I just want to do better for our kids, I want to be able to get my license and go to school and be able to earn a good living for my kids. Why is that wrong?

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 29, 2011 at 10:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
spastic_poodle
by Gold Member on Nov. 29, 2011 at 10:52 AM
:(

that sucks.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 29, 2011 at 11:04 AM

i just dont know what to do right now...

Faith4686
by on Nov. 29, 2011 at 11:05 AM

Wanting better for your family is never wrong!

Here's the best suggestion I can offer: have you heard of the serenity prayer?

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Sometimes we have to accept that we cannot change anybody but ourselves. The best you can do for yourself, your husband, and your children is to love them unconditionally and make a conscience choice to do something to better you. Your dear husband and children will see that in you and love you all the more for it.

 

HouseofFeast
by on Nov. 29, 2011 at 11:16 AM

I'm there too. My DH keeps telling me he'll make it up the ladder and I'm like, "Don't you have any ambition???" 

I'm in college myself, so after I get my degree I can pull some of our weight. 


It's a common thing for young adults to have so many problems. You are, by no means, alone. Your story read a lot like mine actually, I escaped a bad home life at 18, got married and pregnant within the same month, and am now scraping by.

Quoting Anonymous:

2 kids, barely making by even with PA, and he wont even TRY. I want to go to college, I want to get a good job and do better than this for my family.... And all he can say id that I can't be happy with  what we have..

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NDADanceMom
by on Nov. 29, 2011 at 11:24 AM

Id sit my husband down and tell him what my goals and expectations are.  I would tell him I loved him but I also love myself and the kids.  If he isnt a part of the solution he is part of the problem.  One day I will ask him to leave if he doesnt step up.  He would have the choice to do better for our family or make room for someone that will.

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Nov. 29, 2011 at 11:28 AM

what you're going through is hard ... i wish you well

BeAuTiFuL.BLiSs
by Platinum Member on Nov. 29, 2011 at 11:41 AM

I'm sorry. I hope things eventually get better for you and your family.

It's not right that he won't do all he can to help you get your GED. He doesn't have an interest at all in going to college, or even learn a trade? I mean, it's good that he atleast does have a job...maybe he has hopes of moving up, and making a career out of it? I personally think he should at least try for the job at the jail. It's decent money and benefits. Maybe eventually he would like it. But, I can see where he's coming from with being unhappy. I don't think being a prison guard is necessarily a job for everyone. If he doesn't think he's cut out for it, and would really be that unhappy...he shouldn't take the job. BUT...he does need to get the drive, to do something else. What he's doing now, obviously isn't working. That's what you need to talk to him about. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 29, 2011 at 2:48 PM

the problem is he HAS a trade, he is a level 3 licensed armed security guard, and he couldnt find a job doing that when we moved so he went with walmart....

he was going to school for IT before we moved and got discouraged when he was accepted to a major university here BUT we couldn't afford for him to go because they didnt take enough of his credits for him to qualify for scholarships (he had a 3.8 GPA!)

beautiful_life
by on Nov. 29, 2011 at 2:58 PM
Tell him to man up, he has a family to support. May I ask how old y'all are?
Jes23011
by on Nov. 29, 2011 at 3:18 PM

im sorry. sometimes i wish i could have the drive to further my schooling. i truely want to but know that if i got into school id be lazy about it just cuz i really dont like school. i wish that i could if that makes sense. i even filled out a fafsa which if financial aid and they were going to pay for all of my schooling!!! i dont have a lot to say about this. i really hope that you can get your liscense soon so you can better yourself. im not saying break up with you man but id tell him to that he needs to start trying to do better for your family or your going to have to rethink his commitment to your family. this will make him think more about it.

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