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divorcing for unhappiness?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

could/ would you divorce for just unhappiness? no cheating, no abuse, just straight up unhappiness and some arguing? and no sex, no romance, just roomates basically, and your husband wont go to counceling with you? but then again......divorcing would upset and sadden your families.....all this......you still do have some good days dont get me wrong.....like....still getting along some......but still not.......marriage-like?

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 1, 2011 at 5:02 PM
Replies (91-99):
.Angel.Eyes.
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:34 AM

Absolutely not. No one can make you happy. Your lack of happiness is caused by you and you alone. You must make a choice to be happy then involve your partner in your happiness.



I believe my Creator (Jeremiah 29:11) I walk forward in certainty that my life is secure.


dilateyourmind
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:38 AM

Its hard when it is not cut and dry with those severe reasons like you mentioned. But I do not believe in staying married and miserable. You think your kids can't feel the negative vibes from you two. That is not healthy either. Is he controling? Acts like he just doesn't care? Talks down to you? Don't let soem holy roller tell you its wrong. There is a reason for the unhappiness. She didn't say she just wanted to leave cause she is bored.

I do agree with trying counseling first.

dilateyourmind
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:42 AM


Quoting .Angel.Eyes.:

Absolutely not. No one can make you happy. Your lack of happiness is caused by you and you alone. You must make a choice to be happy then involve your partner in your happiness.

LOL riiiiight. My narciistic abuser ex-husband was not the reason I was so unhappily married. The why the F am I so much happier since I left him 6 years ago. He changed and heritarty mental illness kicked in as he aged. I had our duaghter an matured is how I changed. I have spent the last 6 years SO MUCH happier cause I left. your answer as is her explanation is way to vague!

dilateyourmind
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:45 AM


Quoting GirlWithANikon:

Sometimes people committ because they think they are gettin one thing and thats what they committ to. In reality they are getting another thing they are NOT willing to commit to.

Happiness comes from within but LOVE does not. She is saying she is in a marriage where they love each other but are not IN love, DONT have sex, are only LEGALLY married not emotionally which is what a marriage is - emotional- not legal. She doesn't seem to be asking for her spouse to make her happy or take responsibility for that. She seems to be saying she wont be happy until she has the type of love she dreams of, that will bring her warmth and allow her to find happiness with in because she is also expressing that type of love. Having sex, engaging in romance, not arguing ect. And he is not invested in it if he is not willing to try something such as counceling, thats another cue that the "IN love" just isn't there. There fore they have no marriage. I believe its proper to divorce if SO wont try and change with you. That paper means NOTHING. If you are friends, be best friends great. But if you are just friends, youre not truely married any how and EVENTUALLY your family and friends will understand and not be upset.

Quoting somethingtosay:

No way.  This is the part of "marriage" where the most work is done.  To me, "commitment" means choosing to make it work.  FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.  If my dh abused me I'd leave him for sure, but unhappiness needs to be resolved by ME.  Happiness is created within.. it is NOT the spouse's responsibility to make a person happy, it is the person's responsibility.  Try to get a hobby, make time for yourself, do things YOU enjoy, and come home and share them with your husband!  REMIND yourself WHY you loved him in the first place, or at least why you married him, and convince yourself to get back to that place.  On your own.  Good luck.


Right on Girl with a Nikon.

.Angel.Eyes.
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:50 AM

HELLO! - My answer is directed to the OP! Please re-read NO CHEATING / NO ABUSE.

Quoting dilateyourmind:


Quoting .Angel.Eyes.:

Absolutely not. No one can make you happy. Your lack of happiness is caused by you and you alone. You must make a choice to be happy then involve your partner in your happiness.

LOL riiiiight. My narciistic abuser ex-husband was not the reason I was so unhappily married. The why the F am I so much happier since I left him 6 years ago. He changed and heritarty mental illness kicked in as he aged. I had our duaghter an matured is how I changed. I have spent the last 6 years SO MUCH happier cause I left. your answer as is her explanation is way to vague!




I believe my Creator (Jeremiah 29:11) I walk forward in certainty that my life is secure.


metalhealthmom
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:51 AM
This

Quoting somethingtosay:

No way.  This is the part of "marriage" where the most work is done.  To me, "commitment" means choosing to make it work.  FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.  If my dh abused me I'd leave him for sure, but unhappiness needs to be resolved by ME.  Happiness is created within.. it is NOT the spouse's responsibility to make a person happy, it is the person's responsibility.  Try to get a hobby, make time for yourself, do things YOU enjoy, and come home and share them with your husband!  REMIND yourself WHY you loved him in the first place, or at least why you married him, and convince yourself to get back to that place.  On your own.  Good luck.

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MrS.GiFFord
by Platinum Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:58 AM
Yup!!!!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:14 AM

Been there and done that. I tried everything, counseling, having my own friends, making time for 'us', . He flat out refused to go anywhere with me and dd. He refused to talk about it. He refused to attempted to do anything that involved me in it. Sex was a joke, unless he wanted it. He would go days with out talking to me. No intimancy,flat out nothing.

I could be in a very happy mood, up beat and positive, he would come home and literaly drain all that from me. BELIEVE ME I TRIED EVERYTHING.

He was the one that was unhappy, so what did he do...left finally and what a blessing it has been. Rough and hard at times, but so worth the hard times.

 

So, if you have tried everything and still so unhappy, only you can make the choice to leave.....

 

Staying in a marriage because one feels it is the right thing to do , is not always the righ thing to do....

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 4, 2011 at 8:20 AM
It seems as if u r going through the same thing as I am. I have been unhappy the last five years! I cheat but I dont want to do that anymore. I want us to be happy but he isn't willing to change. I have suggested counselling just like u and he isn't willing to meet me halfway. He doesn't satisfy me sexually anymore and everytime we have sex as soon as its over I go in the bathroom and cry. He doesn't like to kiss or cuddle or even try anything new. My husband is a good man but it just isn't working anymore. There is no connection at all anymore. Dont get me wrong we get along and I fake a lot to spare his feelings. I have prayed read scriptures and everything I can possibly do to make myself be happy but or just isn't happening! So im counting down the days until my daughter graduates in 2014 and then im gone! U probably have little ones and if u do it is just best to stay for them. I know its hard but that is the reason why I have stayed because of the kids. It was more important for them to be happy than for me to make them unhappy because of my selfishness! GOOD LUCK WITH WHATEVER U DECIDE!
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