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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is it Fair ? DH vs. Me

Posted by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 11:07 PM
  • 43 Replies

I wrote this already and it doesn't seem like it posted. Sorry if this shows up a 2nd time.

My DH went to work early one day, 2-1/2 hrs. I had a very stressful day with the two babies who had colds. I asked him to leave a half hour early which would mean he got 2 hours of O/T. He wouldn't compromise with me.

The next day, he said he was working late. Usually that means 1-2 hours. Instead, he comes home 5-1/2 hours later ! Yes, that's in addition to a normal 8 hr day. And he never bothered to call me at any point. I called him at work about 8 :00 pm to see what was up, and he said he was leaving soon, but wasn't home for another hour (commute time 20-30 min.).

I was resentful that the first time he wouldn't compromise with me, and he knew I was irritated. Then he pulls this the very next night?

I don't just have two babies. I have a dd in middle school, and 4 pets. I rely on my DH. We do chores together when he gets home...neither one of us gets break. I have not had time away from the children in well over a month. One baby gets up 1-3 times a night.

I know he's trying to provide for us and he's at work. But I resent the fact that he makes a decision regardless of my pleas that I'm stressed out and he won't even compromise a little. I think he could've given me that extra half hour, and I also think working 5-1/2 hours O/T was excessive, especially without calling me once that whole day.

I think hes being unfair. He acts like he doesn't see it. I think he just wants to play dumb so he can get his way.

by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 11:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
miss_lisa
by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 11:17 PM
Do you have a friend or family member who could watch the kids for a couple hours?

My DH works long hours and is sometimes not home for days. I've gotten used to it but at first it can be really stressful.
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mom2the.rescue
by Gold Member on Dec. 1, 2011 at 11:48 PM

You need a break sweetie.  Men are stupid.  He probably sees the unfairness alittle, but not nearly enough.  Sometimes I think about that Spongebob episode where Spongebob is at home taking care of a baby all day and Patrick's at work (or he's supposed to be)...very similiar to a mom life.  I feel like a slave all the f*n time.

buttersworth
by Silver Member on Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:39 AM

thank you!

commiseration loves company :)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:48 AM
1 mom liked this
Make it work for yourself. Love the fact your husband is not only working but making over time! Woot!

More money for the honey.
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buttersworth
by Silver Member on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:00 AM

Yeah, you're right, I should be positive like that. I know I sound a little childish trying to make things fair because life isn't fair. THe day is over and he's not got O/T again for a while. But that part was not really the issue with me. The underlying issue, which I don't think is childish, is that I couldn't rely on him when I was desperate. That, and the fact that he couldn't even perceive my desperation (I was pretty clear about it, but I think he wasn't thinking of me). It's the thought that counts, is what I'm getting at.

My parents are gone now, my best girl friend lives far away, and my numerous siblings all got hyper-dysfunctional after our parents died. My sisters and brothers were screwing each other over, screwing me over....it was worse than losing my parents to see true colors come out. I have no one in the world to rely on, and not having my husband hear me is like having no one to trust at all.

Yeah money's good at Christmas time, but he disregarded me and that hurt more.

Quoting Anonymous:

Make it work for yourself. Love the fact your husband is not only working but making over time! Woot!

More money for the honey.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:03 AM
3 moms liked this
I cant stand it when women like you complain about hubby working long hours!! He is home every night in your bed and he is providing for your family. Quit crying about it!! He isnt out cheating on you.
my husband is a long haul truck driver, I am pregnant with our third baby. He just left tuesday and probably wont be back until right before christmas. I have a 10yr old & 2yr old. Plus I have high risk pregnancies and my last one I went into labor at 31weeks and had to go on bedrest. I have no family within 1000 miles of me and dont really have any friends. I have been praying the pregnancy goes well and as long as he is here for the birth ill be ok. But even if he isnt I wont complain. I have never spent a night away from our 2 yr old & we havent been out alone since my bday last year, in december. I dont ever get a break from my two year old. Even when hubby is home I let him rest & if he wants to help fine, if not I dont complain. Oh and did I mention the 2 yr old has never slept thru the night.
Quit being a weak crybaby! It is your job to take care of your husband, house & kids and if you chose to take on pets its your job too. As an adult and as a woman. Plus if you start to nag you are going to push him away.
God never gives us more than we can handle so you should pray to find a way to make it work.
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amomynous_j
by on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:28 AM

life isn't fair.

he's at work, providing for his family.  

you need a break, so take one. hire a sitter, ship the kids to a family member's. go see a movie, go shopping, hell, stay home and sleep! 


mommyrustina
by Platinum Member on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:30 AM

I understand it can get difficult, but he is at least working and not out playing with his man friends.

Although, my husband is gone for the next seven months so I  am probably not the best person to commiserate with :) Plus, when he is home, he leaves at 530am and there are many times he does not get home until 900pm. What I have done is just plan my days with the assumption that he will not be there so when he is here, it is like an unexpected bonus!

miss_lisa
by on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:51 AM
3 moms liked this

 Oh what a bunch of BS.

EVERYONE has it worse than someone. You think what you have to deal with is bad? Someone ALWAYS has it worse than you. That doesn't mean that YOU don't feel stressed out about your own situation sometimes. You are still a human being, and just because you may be able to deal with something OK doesn't mean that someone else can. We all have differences and we all have different levels of what we can and can't handle, or did you forget that your God also made us all differently so comparing your situation to hers is pointless.

Btw, if your God never gave you too much to handle, then why do people committ suicide or mentally check out?

Quoting Anonymous:

I cant stand it when women like you complain about hubby working long hours!! He is home every night in your bed and he is providing for your family. Quit crying about it!! He isnt out cheating on you.
my husband is a long haul truck driver, I am pregnant with our third baby. He just left tuesday and probably wont be back until right before christmas. I have a 10yr old & 2yr old. Plus I have high risk pregnancies and my last one I went into labor at 31weeks and had to go on bedrest. I have no family within 1000 miles of me and dont really have any friends. I have been praying the pregnancy goes well and as long as he is here for the birth ill be ok. But even if he isnt I wont complain. I have never spent a night away from our 2 yr old & we havent been out alone since my bday last year, in december. I dont ever get a break from my two year old. Even when hubby is home I let him rest & if he wants to help fine, if not I dont complain. Oh and did I mention the 2 yr old has never slept thru the night.
Quit being a weak crybaby! It is your job to take care of your husband, house & kids and if you chose to take on pets its your job too. As an adult and as a woman. Plus if you start to nag you are going to push him away.
God never gives us more than we can handle so you should pray to find a way to make it work.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:53 AM
To answer your question it is because they are weak and do not have faith in God or higher power. Oh and I am not comparing my situation. I dont complain. I am happy with my life. I am blessed to have healthy kids, mine and hubbys health, beautiful home, nice cars and a man who isnt a sorry ass and works hard to take care of us financially so it is my responsibility to take care of everything else.
I am happy with my life.


Quoting miss_lisa:

 Oh what a bunch of BS.


EVERYONE has it worse than someone. You think what you have to deal with is bad? Someone ALWAYS has it worse than you. That doesn't mean that YOU don't feel stressed out about your own situation sometimes. You are still a human being, and just because you may be able to deal with something OK doesn't mean that someone else can. We all have differences and we all have different levels of what we can and can't handle, or did you forget that your God also made us all differently so comparing your situation to hers is pointless.


Btw, if your God never gave you too much to handle, then why do people committ suicide or mentally check out?


Quoting Anonymous:

I cant stand it when women like you complain about hubby working long hours!! He is home every night in your bed and he is providing for your family. Quit crying about it!! He isnt out cheating on you.
my husband is a long haul truck driver, I am pregnant with our third baby. He just left tuesday and probably wont be back until right before christmas. I have a 10yr old & 2yr old. Plus I have high risk pregnancies and my last one I went into labor at 31weeks and had to go on bedrest. I have no family within 1000 miles of me and dont really have any friends. I have been praying the pregnancy goes well and as long as he is here for the birth ill be ok. But even if he isnt I wont complain. I have never spent a night away from our 2 yr old & we havent been out alone since my bday last year, in december. I dont ever get a break from my two year old. Even when hubby is home I let him rest & if he wants to help fine, if not I dont complain. Oh and did I mention the 2 yr old has never slept thru the night.
Quit being a weak crybaby! It is your job to take care of your husband, house & kids and if you chose to take on pets its your job too. As an adult and as a woman. Plus if you start to nag you are going to push him away.
God never gives us more than we can handle so you should pray to find a way to make it work.

 



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