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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I wrote this already and it doesn't seem like it posted. Sorry if this shows up a 2nd time.

My DH went to work early one day, 2-1/2 hrs. I had a very stressful day with the two babies who had colds. I asked him to leave a half hour early which would mean he got 2 hours of O/T. He wouldn't compromise with me.

The next day, he said he was working late. Usually that means 1-2 hours. Instead, he comes home 5-1/2 hours later ! Yes, that's in addition to a normal 8 hr day. And he never bothered to call me at any point. I called him at work about 8 :00 pm to see what was up, and he said he was leaving soon, but wasn't home for another hour (commute time 20-30 min.).

I was resentful that the first time he wouldn't compromise with me, and he knew I was irritated. Then he pulls this the very next night?

I don't just have two babies. I have a dd in middle school, and 4 pets. I rely on my DH. We do chores together when he gets home...neither one of us gets break. I have not had time away from the children in well over a month. One baby gets up 1-3 times a night.

I know he's trying to provide for us and he's at work. But I resent the fact that he makes a decision regardless of my pleas that I'm stressed out and he won't even compromise a little. I think he could've given me that extra half hour, and I also think working 5-1/2 hours O/T was excessive, especially without calling me once that whole day.

I think hes being unfair. He acts like he doesn't see it. I think he just wants to play dumb so he can get his way.

by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 11:07 PM
Replies (31-40):
buttersworth
by Silver Member on Dec. 2, 2011 at 9:44 PM

Wow saying I don't have faith in God is an extreme response to my post. Thank you for judging me based upon your own beautiful house and nice cars.

Quoting Anonymous:

To answer your question it is because they are weak and do not have faith in God or higher power. Oh and I am not comparing my situation. I dont complain. I am happy with my life. I am blessed to have healthy kids, mine and hubbys health, beautiful home, nice cars and a man who isnt a sorry ass and works hard to take care of us financially so it is my responsibility to take care of everything else.
I am happy with my life.


Quoting miss_lisa:

 Oh what a bunch of BS.


EVERYONE has it worse than someone. You think what you have to deal with is bad? Someone ALWAYS has it worse than you. That doesn't mean that YOU don't feel stressed out about your own situation sometimes. You are still a human being, and just because you may be able to deal with something OK doesn't mean that someone else can. We all have differences and we all have different levels of what we can and can't handle, or did you forget that your God also made us all differently so comparing your situation to hers is pointless.


Btw, if your God never gave you too much to handle, then why do people committ suicide or mentally check out?


Quoting Anonymous:

I cant stand it when women like you complain about hubby working long hours!! He is home every night in your bed and he is providing for your family. Quit crying about it!! He isnt out cheating on you.
my husband is a long haul truck driver, I am pregnant with our third baby. He just left tuesday and probably wont be back until right before christmas. I have a 10yr old & 2yr old. Plus I have high risk pregnancies and my last one I went into labor at 31weeks and had to go on bedrest. I have no family within 1000 miles of me and dont really have any friends. I have been praying the pregnancy goes well and as long as he is here for the birth ill be ok. But even if he isnt I wont complain. I have never spent a night away from our 2 yr old & we havent been out alone since my bday last year, in december. I dont ever get a break from my two year old. Even when hubby is home I let him rest & if he wants to help fine, if not I dont complain. Oh and did I mention the 2 yr old has never slept thru the night.
Quit being a weak crybaby! It is your job to take care of your husband, house & kids and if you chose to take on pets its your job too. As an adult and as a woman. Plus if you start to nag you are going to push him away.
God never gives us more than we can handle so you should pray to find a way to make it work.

 




navybeauty88
by Silver Member on Dec. 2, 2011 at 9:52 PM
1 mom liked this
I totally agree! And theres nothing wrong with that.

Quoting buttersworth:

My DH isn't complaining about doing work at home. That isn 't even the issue.


Why do women always think they've got it good as long as their man isn't cheating or drinking?


Is that really the standard some women hold for themselves?


Woohoo. Yeah. My husband who took his vows just like I did, has decided not to cheat on me. I should worship the throne he sits on.


I'm a sahm. I'm not a doormat.


So I want the common courtesy of a phone call so I know he's not in an accident, or I know whether or not to put his dinner in the refrigerator, and I'm a whiney princess?


buttersworth
by Silver Member on Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:01 PM
1 mom liked this

This is not the first time my DH has done O/T..he's worked there 22 years and I've been with him for half of that. The first 7 years we were together he worked nights with nightly O/T. I was like a single mom to our first child who, even though we all lived together, she didn't get to see him until weekend evenings because of all the freakin O/T he worked.

He had a doctor's note to move him to day shift because he was heading towards heart attack and on medication for anxiety. After 13 years working nights, your body needs to see the sun.

I've taken a LOT of O/T in this marriage. I don't have a problem with that. I have a problem with it being decided for me when and how much O/T I must take, and being given no consideration by my spouse.

When he is offered O/T, he decides if he wants it. He's declined before. He also can decide how much extra time he will put in.

But I don't get to decide. And it impacts me and the kids.

BTW, I did have to suck it up, as usual, because he just did what he wanted.

I just resent anyone here (maybe not you specifically) that reads my post and immediately assumes I'm some priveleged crybaby.

As for babysitting, my dd helps but her homework should be her priority and we're talking about 2 babies not one so she should never be in charge of babysitting. Besides she's not 12 yet, she's too young. I would love to pay a babysitter but we're too broke and besides that my youngest was a preemie who's only 9 mos old. I would not leave him with anyone I didn't know really well, esp. not someone who's so young.

Quoting TMommyx2:

 IMO I think you are wrong. He is working overtime to take of his family. You should step up and take your overtime too. He already works full time and overtime and you said he comes home and helps you with chores and your still unsatisfied. How much do you want from him?


buttersworth
by Silver Member on Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:16 PM
1 mom liked this

Again,...this post is NOT about "how tough my life is".

This is about a relationship issue. One person being thoughtful and considerate of another's feelings.

I think all the moms whose husbands don't contribute at home at all...are using this post to vent. I mean, you say it's not the man's job to do this, this and that...you defend your husbands and then go on to say how much "worse"  you have it

News flash, we're not competing.

Many of you are not happy though you say you are

You're certainly yelling here, loud and clear

you need to be greatful...he works and overtime which means extra pay. he helps out.

There are sooooo...many women who's husbands are laid off and do jack chit to help out with the house and kids...there are so many men who do not lift a finger leaving their wives to feel like a single mom.

quit thinking about how tough your life is and think of how tough it isn't


NDADanceMom
by on Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:21 PM
1 mom liked this

 My husband used to do this but he doesnt get OT pay.  He has a salary.  He was always working on that next promotion and was at work till 9pm sometimes.  He works in the financial district so his offices close at 5.  He would come home but still keep working.  It took years but he has since learned Id rather have less money and more him.

imafuswb
by ★Rainbow Brite★ on Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:32 PM

I don't understand what some of the moms replying to this post don't get.  OP isn't complaining about her husband having a job where he is privileged enough to get overtime pay.  She's complaining because:

1. she has two small kids plus a middle schooler that she cares for all day long with no help, since she unfortunately doesn't have someone in her life to help her out right now to get an hour for herself here or there, and

2. ON TOP OF THAT, her husband just decides on a whim when he wants to go in early or late with NO consideration to whether or not that is what's best for the family, and

3. WITHOUT consulting his wife as though she is his child and not his partner.

Who of you would NOT be pissed if your husband was doing that???!??!?  Jesus, people!!!

OP - yes, that sucks ass!  You are NOT wrong, and the least your husband could have done was given you a call.  I also think he should have come home that half hour early that you nicely requested him to the previous day.  He sounds like he's being an inconsiderate jerk, to me.

PEEK05
by on Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:34 PM

It might not seem fair, but he is doing what he thinks is best for your family.

buttersworth
by Silver Member on Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:37 PM

THANK YOU!

I loved that you agreed with me, but more importantly is that you understood what the heck I was saying

Quoting imafuswb:

I don't understand what some of the moms replying to this post don't get.  OP isn't complaining about her husband having a job where he is privileged enough to get overtime pay.  She's complaining because:

1. she has two small kids plus a middle schooler that she cares for all day long with no help, since she unfortunately doesn't have someone in her life to help her out right now to get an hour for herself here or there, and

2. ON TOP OF THAT, her husband just decides on a whim when he wants to go in early or late with NO consideration to whether or not that is what's best for the family, and

3. WITHOUT consulting his wife as though she is his child and not his partner.

Who of you would NOT be pissed if your husband was doing that???!??!?  Jesus, people!!!

OP - yes, that sucks ass!  You are NOT wrong, and the least your husband could have done was given you a call.  I also think he should have come home that half hour early that you nicely requested him to the previous day.  He sounds like he's being an inconsiderate jerk, to me.


august_baby_09
by on Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:54 PM
I agree with u and understand what ur saying. My dh works long hrs like 3pm until 6am so if he is working later like one day last week he worked for 23 hrs yes I expect a call it's not so hard to pick up the phone and let me know u won't be home for a while instead of me worrying and pacing (he works on natural gas well pads). I call or text him if I'm running late at work so he returns the favor if he is and I don't mean half an hr I mean a couple hrs like u said about ur dh.


Quoting buttersworth:

My DH isn't complaining about doing work at home. That isn 't even the issue.


Why do women always think they've got it good as long as their man isn't cheating or drinking?


Is that really the standard some women hold for themselves?


Woohoo. Yeah. My husband who took his vows just like I did, has decided not to cheat on me. I should worship the throne he sits on.


I'm a sahm. I'm not a doormat.


So I want the common courtesy of a phone call so I know he's not in an accident, or I know whether or not to put his dinner in the refrigerator, and I'm a whiney princess?


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:58 PM

Frankly if you are a full time SAHM the kids, pets and household chores are your job. It's not like your dh is out with friends or having fun, he's working.  Yes everyone needs a break and to get out but right now you each have your jobs to do.  Out of courtesy he should let you know if he won't be home at his usual time so you can plan accordingly.  Can you let some of the household stuff drop?  Don't stress about a bit of dust or unwashed dishes, let some stuff go when you feel overwhelmed.  Set the kids up with a video once in a while or put them to bed early.  Get takeout instead of cook, etc.

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