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Hating DH a little right now

Posted by Anonymous
  • 25 Replies

 I have to say that today is not a good day.  I am sick and have a million things to get done today as we are taking 3 of the kids to a hotel tonight to swim for my oldest ds's bday.  I have cupcakes to make, laundry to do, bags to pack, plus getting everything ready for the sitter who will be staying with the 2 little ones tonight.  I hate that I am the one who always does all the packing and planning for anything that takes us away for a night or a week.  I wash, dry, fold, and pack everything, I make lists of everything that needs to be done and if we are going on a vacation I also make a list of what needs to be repacked and broguht back after our trips.  DH comes home from work, loads the car and we go, he usually doesn't even pack his own stuff,  I want to go to work some days so bad so I can leave all of the home responsibilities behind and enjoy a day of nothing but adults.  I have 2 in diapers and also into everything else and now that the Christmas tree is up it is even worse.  I don't really hate my DH and he does help with the kids, takes the older ones to school and picks them up so I don't have to load up the babies twice a day to do that and that is a huge help.  I am trying to sort through all of our junk as we are moving in 6 months and I don't want to move stuff we haven't used in the 5 years we have been here but it is hard to leave the room with toddlers behind to do anything.  Laundry is almost impossible because it is in the basement and the babies can't go down there, it is where all the little toys (barbies, polly pockets, legos, etc) are so unless I put them both in their cribs to run down and switch out a load it doesn't get done until naptime or bedtime.  If I wait for DH to get home and the babies are awake I am not downstairs 3 seconds and he is yelling at the babies to leave stuff alone so I feel guilty being down there.  I would love to go away by myself, no kids, no one else just me for 24 hours, stay in a hotel and just be able to watch a little tv, read a book, take a nice long bath, just relax and not have to worry about whether or not a diaper is being changed, kids are really being watched.  I say really because I spent 32 hours in the hospital with my oldest dd and DH was home with the others and the 2 year old found the finger nail polish, painted herself, her clothes, my chair, and the living room carpet, and DH swears he just left her for a minute.  It isn't the DH I hate so much as it is my lack of freedom, I always wanted to be a SAHM but I guess my own mom made it all look so easy and it isn't.  I also am feeling the yearly holiday depression setting in and to add to it I have caught a cold and have a horrible sinus headache and just feel the need to whine a little.  Thanks

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:42 AM
Wow.... I suggest you go right out a get a paying job. Hire a nanny, have her pack the bags when needed.
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by on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:35 AM

I feel your pain! My husband is my fourth child and it's sooo annoying. Either he plays stupid or he really can't wash dishes, make ice, pack a suitcase, or make his own food. (I'm leaning towards plays stupid) Sometimes you have to be selfish, you can't always live for others. I told my husband I needed one day a month to recharge, and I don't always get one a month, sometimes it's longer. Verbalize your needs in a way he'll understand. It might be hard for him at first, but they're his kids too he's going to have to learn at some point to take care of them without you. How he handles situations will be different from how you would but if you want to de-stress you'll have to accept that. A day off is useless if all you do is worry about how he's handling things. Hang in there!!!! 

by on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:38 AM
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I enjoy doing all those things, that is my job as a SAHM, that is what I signed up for and my husband knows he works at his job so I don't have to and I will take care of everything. If I need help I just ask and he helps with a smile on his face. He just wants me and the kids to be safe and happy. Good luck! Try talking to your hubs

by Kali on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:48 AM

I'm sorry for the stress you're feeling. I know it well. I have five children, ages 7, 5, 3 year old twins, and a baby who will be six months old in a few days. I work, though most of it I can do at home so household stuff falls into my hands and usually I like it that way because I don't like the way my DH loads the dishwasher, folds laundry, or when he organizes anything. My DH shows his appreciation well though - he keeps the kids occupied, can manage grocery shopping, will load the washer and/or dryer for me, and he can do some general cleaning.

Is there anyone that can help out a little while DH is at work? Things get hectic at my house when we're getting ready for a trip so my sister always comes over and helps out, and I do the same for her. I think your DH could use a little more patience while watching the kids, though honestly I'm not sure how you'd approach that subject without him becoming defensive.

by on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:50 AM

 I understand your pain. I stayed at home for 3 1/2 years before I couldn't handle it any longer. I work a part time evening job. 2 to 3 evenings a week. It has helped me feel more like a person, instead of just wife and mommy. Although, when i come home the dishes are still in the sink and i still do everything i did before. The difference is i get a few hours to be an adult and have adult conversation.

Maybe you should take a trip. Even if it is just a day trip. Go to the spa or something. Its amazing what one day of "you" time will do. It is rejuvinating :)

by on Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:55 AM
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This is why I am glad for my piddly 8 days a month I work. Lol. My husband brings home the bacon. I just have my part time job, because I NEED it. We only have one little one and he's 10.5 months old. Lol. I feel more like a person, and not just a mom. It's nice to get out and be an adult, with adult conversation every so often. :)

Go pamper yourself. Seriously. You'll feel better. Also don't feel guilty, they're his kids too!

by Platinum Member on Dec. 2, 2011 at 12:37 PM

Can you get one of those play yards (The big octagon ones) to put them in while you are downstairs and put some of their toys in it so they can still see you? Just keep toys down there for them and put them in there while you are doing the laundry. Also, how old are the older kids? My son is 7 and he is learning how to fold clothes and he can put his own clothes away, other than the stuff that hangs in the closet as he can't reach the rod. No reason the older kids can't pitch in.

by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 2, 2011 at 12:44 PM

How many kids do you have? She has 5 kids, so that is a lot of laundry, dishes, etc. It's easy if you have a husband that will help, but her husband doesn't. He can't even handle watching them for a little bit while she does laundry! Did you even bother to read the entire post? When my husband was out of work I worked 4 freaking jobs and he wouldn't lift a finger to do anything even when I asked unless I got to my breaking point and yelled. Not everyone has a husband that will actually do something around the house.

by Platinum Member on Dec. 2, 2011 at 12:55 PM

I know exactly what you're talking about, lol! I've told DH that sometimes I feel like I have to make sure everyone's ready to go, including him, even if we take a trip to the grocery. We recently went to a hotel for DD1's bday and I packed every bag, made sure the baby had diapers- everything. I don't know if DH is forgetful on purpose or if he's shirking responsibilities but I KNOW that if I don't remember something it's getting left behind because he won't even think about it. I make sure bottles are made at night, the coffee is ready to brew in the morning, dishes loaded, you name it, I have to remember to do it. I stopped folding DH's clothes a long time ago because even if I put them on our bed 2 feet from our dresser, they end up in a pile on the floor, mixed with the dirty clothes. I do not like SAHM's who say that everything in the house is their responsibility because their DH works outside the home. There is no way working for 8-10 hrs and getting PAID is equal to 12-16hrs of unpaid labor at home. Plus, working parents get some time off, that's why they like Friday so much. When do SAHM's get time off? You know, to just sit down and know that the kids are taken care of, the house isn't getting destroyed, and they can relax and not worry about anything? Pretty much never. It's not an easy job and it shouldn't be a never-ending one. I don't ask DH if I can have a break. If I've had a hard day and the kids have been up my butt since 6am, I TELL him that I'm going to take some time for myself. He can handle the kids while I spend two hours at Starbuck's or the mall or something. I feel your pain, OP.

by on Dec. 2, 2011 at 1:02 PM

 So the kids came and then he stopped helping... Oh wait you had a billion kids and thought he would step up???

Another case of a woman who started her house on fire and is complaining that she only has a bucket to put it out.  My advice is, as always, dont start your house on fire.

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