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The product of an affair...

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:44 AM
  • 25 Replies
1 mom liked this

...is ME!

After 33 years and many years of low self-esteem, I will admit...My father(bio man) had an adulterous affair with my mother (yes she knew he was married).

For all the women out there that think, he will leave his wife once you get pregnant and you will live happily ever after...probably won't happen.

Why bring an innocent child into an adulterous affair, a lifetime of questions, a lifetimes of half-sibling hatred, family members staring at you (oh, she's THE one).

I have a mother that loves me to bits, from the moment I was born, and a father that tried to bury me under the table from the moment he found out.  I ruined his life, but it was him and his bad decisions.

All I want to say, my mother was not perfect, should have slept with a married man...NO, but I'm here now

Ladies, if you are having an affir with a married man and think you'd like to "trap" him with a baby, PLEASE be ready for a child with many questions, many issues, and lots of hurt.

Please don't bash me, I was an innocent child and now an adult living with adult parents decsions.

Ask questions if you'd like, I will try to answer them.

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:49 AM
I wont bash you. It must be hard for you. But I recently caught my husband, im pregnant with our third child. It makes me sick what he did but I am trying to think of our family. It hurts. Alot. And she started shyt with me asking me why I want somebody that doesnt want me. But hasnt left or asked for a divorce. But I still see them texting eachother. I pray she doesnt get pregnant, I dont think he will leave me but to think someone else could have his child really hurts.
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RhondaVeggie
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:50 AM
Thank you for posting this. Some people just never think about how their actions will affect their offspring. It's always bugged me that I was conceived out of wedlock, ever since I was about six or seven and did the math. Did my parents ever consider that? Apparently not.
DAHLONEGAMOMMY
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:51 AM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry. I can relate, somewhat. My BM had me when she was 15 and my sister at 16. She abandoned us when I was 6. About ten or so years ago I found out that I am the oldest of ten kids she has. My sister and I are the only ones who finished high school and went to college. We didnt get pregnant in our teens. We have provided for ourselves and our children. We have no arrest records. However, it is the 8 that followed us that she claims. They have all had kids before they could drive, police records before they turned 18 and everyone of them have left their children for her to take care of. It can be so hard on the heart to try and figure out why a parent didnt want you. I eventually realized that I was simply a reminder of my father and she didnt want to be reminded of him. It doesnt justify what she did but I am not a mistake. Her decisions were. I try to use her as a model of what NOT to do as a parent. I wish I had a loving mother to turn to but all I can do is be a loving mother for mine children to turn to. I pity her more than anything. I am sorry it hurt so much to go through what you have lived with. Dont let it define you. 

dtristan78
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:55 AM

My half-brother is 3 month older than me

Bio-man had his wife and mistress pregnant at the same time, he disgusts me.

I love my mother, but I don't agree with anything that she did.

My first husband cheated on me when our daughter was 18 months old and I had to leave.I can't let my daughter think that type of behavior is acceptable.

I have a deep love in my heart for women whose spouses cheat, I'm so deeply sorry for you and your family.  I wish men would realize their actions and what they will do to their children in the long wun.  It's horribly sad.  Good luck honey

hugs

Quoting Anonymous:

I wont bash you. It must be hard for you. But I recently caught my husband, im pregnant with our third child. It makes me sick what he did but I am trying to think of our family. It hurts. Alot. And she started shyt with me asking me why I want somebody that doesnt want me. But hasnt left or asked for a divorce. But I still see them texting eachother. I pray she doesnt get pregnant, I dont think he will leave me but to think someone else could have his child really hurts.


dtristan78
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:57 AM

Most adults don't realize what their actions will do their children.  It's sad.  I have spent MANY a day trying to figure out why certain family members hate me, I was innocent...hate him or hate my mother, just don't hate me

Quoting RhondaVeggie:

Thank you for posting this. Some people just never think about how their actions will affect their offspring. It's always bugged me that I was conceived out of wedlock, ever since I was about six or seven and did the math. Did my parents ever consider that? Apparently not.


dtristan78
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:00 PM

WOW!!  Sounds like you might have gotten lucky, but even with that I'm sure it hurts.  It's amazing how much actions from ones childhood can mold us as adults.  All we can do is love the children we have and be grateful for what we have.

Quoting DAHLONEGAMOMMY:

I am so sorry. I can relate, somewhat. My BM had me when she was 15 and my sister at 16. She abandoned us when I was 6. About ten or so years ago I found out that I am the oldest of ten kids she has. My sister and I are the only ones who finished high school and went to college. We didnt get pregnant in our teens. We have provided for ourselves and our children. We have no arrest records. However, it is the 8 that followed us that she claims. They have all had kids before they could drive, police records before they turned 18 and everyone of them have left their children for her to take care of. It can be so hard on the heart to try and figure out why a parent didnt want you. I eventually realized that I was simply a reminder of my father and she didnt want to be reminded of him. It doesnt justify what she did but I am not a mistake. Her decisions were. I try to use her as a model of what NOT to do as a parent. I wish I had a loving mother to turn to but all I can do is be a loving mother for mine children to turn to. I pity her more than anything. I am sorry it hurt so much to go through what you have lived with. Dont let it define you. 


DAHLONEGAMOMMY
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:05 PM
1 mom liked this

They dont hate you. they hate the lie you respresent in their eyes. You remind them that humans are flawed and worse yet, one of their own is flawed. You are not a mistake. You are the product of someone's selfish choices. People dont like to be reminded of their poor decisions. That doesnt mean you are not here for a reason or deserve any less of a wonderful life. If you let their behavior determine your quality of life, you will never get out of the bargain basement mentality. You are no less a christy's diamond that one sitting all polished and shiney under a soft light. You sparkle too. 

Quoting dtristan78:

Most adults don't realize what their actions will do their children.  It's sad.  I have spent MANY a day trying to figure out why certain family members hate me, I was innocent...hate him or hate my mother, just don't hate me

Quoting RhondaVeggie:

Thank you for posting this. Some people just never think about how their actions will affect their offspring. It's always bugged me that I was conceived out of wedlock, ever since I was about six or seven and did the math. Did my parents ever consider that? Apparently not.



TeeJai
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this

Thanks for being brave a posting!  Yours is a unique perspective and hopefully it will make people think!  I appreciate you and wish you all the best in your life and like DAHLONEGAMOMMY said, you sparkle!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:21 PM
Thank you! Me too! I wish I had strength and resources to leave. I hate how I feel.


Quoting dtristan78:

My half-brother is 3 month older than me

Bio-man had his wife and mistress pregnant at the same time, he disgusts me.

I love my mother, but I don't agree with anything that she did.

My first husband cheated on me when our daughter was 18 months old and I had to leave.I can't let my daughter think that type of behavior is acceptable.

I have a deep love in my heart for women whose spouses cheat, I'm so deeply sorry for you and your family.  I wish men would realize their actions and what they will do to their children in the long wun.  It's horribly sad.  Good luck honey

hugs


Quoting Anonymous:

I wont bash you. It must be hard for you. But I recently caught my husband, im pregnant with our third child. It makes me sick what he did but I am trying to think of our family. It hurts. Alot. And she started shyt with me asking me why I want somebody that doesnt want me. But hasnt left or asked for a divorce. But I still see them texting eachother. I pray she doesnt get pregnant, I dont think he will leave me but to think someone else could have his child really hurts.



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dmarie2101
by Ruby Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:29 PM

my real fathers family wont speak with me at all, bc he has a daughter with his wife the same age as me.

and? lol thats not my fault. my sister that is a year older than me is his, too. neither of us have ever spoken with him. but its ok. we were both raised by different great aunts, and have had lives much better than we would have with our mother or him. my uncle has been my dad since i was 4 months old. i honestly dont feel the need to have a relationship or even a conversation with my father, i was curious and that has been satisfied. i have a dad. he stayed with me in the hospital when i was 9 and had food poisoning, went to my school plays, took me to the dentist, helped me with my homework, we fought about homework, boys, and the phone, and he and my aunt are mawmaw and pawpaw to my kids...thats my dad. i dont hate my father, or even dislike him. hes just a name.

my husband was on the other end of this...his father was married to his mother, and had a woman on the side. daniel has a brother thats 2 months younger than him. in their case, he did leave my mil for the other woman, when daniel and his older brother (fil is his father) were 2 and 3. they didnt speak to him again until they were 22 and 23. by that time, my fil and his new wife (they did eventually get married) had their son and a daughter. no one even spoke of his "first" family...his kids had no idea they had 2 older brothers. cousins never knew, bc no one in that family talked about them.

they have a good relationship now, but it took several years. my fil tried to step back into the role of "father" and that didnt go over well. you also dont insult the mother of the 2 boys you abandoned, who raised 5 boys by herself. (her first husband died, fil was her second) they have a friendly relationship now, hes learned that he cant make up for the 20 years he missed, and he can give advice, but not orders. (40 yrs in the air force tends to do that to you lol) it took daniel a while to get used to the fact that he has 5 brothers and a sister, instead of just the 4 brothers he grew up with.

his sister and brother are great, though...obviously they were shocked at first, but theyre ok now.


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