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Competing over Christmas (kinda long, venting)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

Ok so my sil and sister have been doing this for as long as I can remember my sil being in the family (almost 10 years I think). A little background- My sil is married to my sisters twin brother, and my sil's family lives about 3 states away.

It started with my brother and sisters birthday. Sil thinks that because he grew up a twin my bro would always like his b-day parties by himself. Understandable, BUT he has already mentioned year after year that he doesn't mind. Sil was always throwing him a party on his bday and inviting my sister, but at the party my sis gets no attention or recognition, and she always left with her feelings hurt. And half of the time everyone can't make it to both parties. My sisters husband has tried to work with my sil several times on doing a party for both thier spouses at the same time. Save time and money for everyone right? Well I think they ended up only doing that once and my sil wasn't happy that day at all. I can't remember why. Anyway it was always such an issue, that it has come down to the fact that niether one of them has had a party in the last two-three years.

Because of this competing they had going on in June, Christmas would be the same. My sil wants it at her house, my sister wants it at her house. A few times we ended up doing two seperate get togethers so they can both have thier way, my sil using the excuse that she was going to her families on Christmas, so she wanted us all to go to her house on the 18th or whatever. Then my sister wants everyone to get together again on Christmas eve/day because she won't be done shopping for my sil's day. We all know that it is because they both want to do what they plan without working together. But again, the past 3 years we have gone to my OTHER sisters house (lets call her sister2), and it seemed to have solved to problem.

Now, they are at it again, and this time there was almost a fight. Me and sister2 spent two hours calling back and forth between the two trying to keep the peace. End result- My sil is having everyone over a week before christmas and my sister is having everyone over on Christmas day. I cannot go to both. I live more than 2 hrs away from both of them, and financially I can barely afford gas to get back and forth to work, my kids christmas and what not. I am not choosing sides either. No way. So now I guess it's Christmas with my SO's family only. It will be the first Christmas I haven't spent with my family. Everyone is prob gonna be mad at me but I don't care. Things have been going so well when it came to holiday's these past few years, and suddenly they are back to thier same old shit. Do you think it's mean of me not to go at all?

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:15 PM

BUMP!

BEast915
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:21 PM

I'm not sure if this helps you, but I have 5 siblings all with spouses. We pick a different house to go to every Christmas Eve. We don't do Christmas day we leave that for whatever everyone else wants to do (like go to the in-laws or stay home). Maybe your family can do the same? Only 1 of my sisters lives out of town so her house is not in the mix because it is easier for her to come down, then everyone else to come up there. Good luck there are 4 of us girls so if one of our SIL's started acting like yours is we would all say something to her. We don't even let each other act crazy.

newfound09
by Platinum Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:24 PM
No its not mean. If ya can't make it to both don't go to either. I am sorry this is all going on.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:33 PM


Quoting BEast915:

I'm not sure if this helps you, but I have 5 siblings all with spouses. We pick a different house to go to every Christmas Eve. We don't do Christmas day we leave that for whatever everyone else wants to do (like go to the in-laws or stay home). Maybe your family can do the same? Only 1 of my sisters lives out of town so her house is not in the mix because it is easier for her to come down, then everyone else to come up there. Good luck there are 4 of us girls so if one of our SIL's started acting like yours is we would all say something to her. We don't even let each other act crazy.

I have 5 siblings too, only one isn't married. My situation is sort of like yours but I'm the one who lives far away. My sister2 had Thanksgiving at her house and she doesn't want to do christmas too because her house doesn't really have heat, and only 3 rooms stay warm from a space heater. Between us all there are  6 kids under 6 so space heaters aren't ideal. I live at my so's parents house so it can't be here. Two of my brothers live together, one is single with no kids and the other is married. But Idk my married brother has been having some issues lately, been depressed and stuff, he hasn't left his house in the past two years besides for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Not even to go to the store. I know he isn't going to want everyone in his house. So it's between the two of them. I think when they both realized that they both jumped at the opportunity, and now it's all drama.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:40 PM

Solve the problem - Have it at YOUR house !  :)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:44 PM


Quoting newfound09:

No its not mean. If ya can't make it to both don't go to either. I am sorry this is all going on.

I really hate it. But thanks. This will be my first Christmas with SO so maybe my family will understand. He spent Thanksgiving with my family, without one complaint of missing his own family. So I know this will work as an excuse on christmas day. But I'm trying to figure out what to tell my sil. I guess I will tell her I'm working idk. I don't want it to be more drama than it already is by me not going, I just hope she buys it. I'm not one to go telling everyone in my family that I'm broke.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:48 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

Solve the problem - Have it at YOUR house !  :)

I can't, it isn't my house. I live with SO's parents. Not just that but the plans are already made, they will be attacking me next if I suggest we do it here. With them, the issue is really about where it's at, but they want everyone to think it's about when it is. So even if I do suggest to have it here, it wouldn't solve anything.

newfound09
by Platinum Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:54 PM
Just tell her that you and your SO have decided since you missed his family thanksgiving that you want to attend their christmas.

Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting newfound09:

No its not mean. If ya can't make it to both don't go to either. I am sorry this is all going on.

I really hate it. But thanks. This will be my first Christmas with SO so maybe my family will understand. He spent Thanksgiving with my family, without one complaint of missing his own family. So I know this will work as an excuse on christmas day. But I'm trying to figure out what to tell my sil. I guess I will tell her I'm working idk. I don't want it to be more drama than it already is by me not going, I just hope she buys it. I'm not one to go telling everyone in my family that I'm broke.

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Litlmama87
by Platinum Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:00 PM
Tell them you refuse to pick between one of the two days, so it's neither.

It's stupid, really, and don't care what your sil has to say about it. Enjoy your first christmas with SO.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:00 PM

Christmas day is at my sisters, and that's what i'm telling her. my sil is having everyone over a week before christmas, so thats why i'm going to tell her I am working. I just hope no one calls me at work, like they do sometimes. I was thinking i could tell her we are going to my so's dad's house then, but what are the chances his family will be doing the same thing as mine? lol. Idk I will figure it out but my family is usually good about seeing the truth. they will know I'm just bailing on them. Maybe it will be a good thing, them realizing this. Maybe it will make my sister and sil realize they need to stop being so childish about it.

Quoting newfound09:

Just tell her that you and your SO have decided since you missed his family thanksgiving that you want to attend their christmas.

Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting newfound09:

No its not mean. If ya can't make it to both don't go to either. I am sorry this is all going on.

I really hate it. But thanks. This will be my first Christmas with SO so maybe my family will understand. He spent Thanksgiving with my family, without one complaint of missing his own family. So I know this will work as an excuse on christmas day. But I'm trying to figure out what to tell my sil. I guess I will tell her I'm working idk. I don't want it to be more drama than it already is by me not going, I just hope she buys it. I'm not one to go telling everyone in my family that I'm broke.


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