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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

should DS be taken away from me?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

i dont care about my life... recently, i was given high blood pressure meds to take... i was asked if i was on any birth control- and i said no, there was no reason to be.... he said that the blood pressure meds are VERY bad if i'm pregnant/planning on becoming pregnant.

i shouldn't have lied. we've only had sex 3-5 times (2 times he orgasmed twice) in the last 3 weeks... no protection.... i've taken about 3 of the daily blood pressure meds- again, within the last 20 days of supposing to take them.

if i become pregnant- horray. i want kids close in age... but i also know that means my haelth wont get any better. they took a blood sample, for other issues with me (diabetes, sugar, thyroid, etc)- and i wont hear about it for another few weeks. but i know its bad news. i know it is... but i dont care.


i want to go to the store and buy an ice cream cake adn eat it all before DS wakes up. i cant/wont b/c the store is closed... but i want to. i know its bad for me. but i dont care.


it makes me sad. i dont care about my life. why dont i care? i try to change it- try to act like i care... but its just an act and the saying "fake it til you make it" doesnt work with this one.


i feel like a shit of a mother for being like this- for not caring. i made DS a good meal tonight for dinner; him- i care about... it had meat, rice, veggies. afterwards, he got a VERY small bowl of ice cream (about the size of a baby food glass container)... me? i had an entire box of mashed potatoes. carbs are almost deadly to me-- but i dont care. i cant even care about my life enough to want to be here for DS when he's older-- i want to think that i do,but its obvious that i dont, since my actions are the opposite of what i want to think is true

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 4, 2011 at 1:40 AM
Replies (11-15):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 4, 2011 at 2:06 AM

i guess i ask more of a "should a child have their only care giver care so less about themselves?" the only person DS looks up to, is me. if anything happens to me, he's out of a family as well as a home.... and since i care so little, should he be given certain stability with adults who DO care?

holls2188
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2011 at 2:11 AM

Please dont take this the wrong way but have you talked to someone about how you have been feeling??? maybe your doctor? I know you wanna be there for your son and watch him grow, you obviously take care of him and care. maybe having that person to talk to and help you with ways to work on feeling better will be good for you! Its deff a better idea to focus on your son and yourself and get to a good spot before trying to have another baby, like feeling better about yourself and getting your health in order!  I wish you the best sweetie and i really hope you start to feel better for yourself and your little one!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 4, 2011 at 2:26 AM

not taking it the wrong way.... but if i talk to the doctor, all he can do is prescribe me anti-depressent meds. then tell me to come back in a month to see how they are working (suicidal thoughts, etc)... which will get me in even deeper shit with my boss.. having to take off another day- in a month. for a therapist; i work during their hours (i've called and checked around)... i cant change my schedule, cant work less hours- so i'm stuck. stuck asking CM for advice and stuck feeling like a shit of a mom

each day, i tell myself that i plan on taking my blood pressure meds so i never take my birth control meds. i have no idea how they can counteract with each other.. which is stupid. part of me is scared that it could be fatal.. but the other part of me is like "why the fuck do you even care?"

overall, i've survived 6 years like this. i can do another 12- depending on my health.

Quoting holls2188:

Please dont take this the wrong way but have you talked to someone about how you have been feeling??? maybe your doctor? I know you wanna be there for your son and watch him grow, you obviously take care of him and care. maybe having that person to talk to and help you with ways to work on feeling better will be good for you! Its deff a better idea to focus on your son and yourself and get to a good spot before trying to have another baby, like feeling better about yourself and getting your health in order!  I wish you the best sweetie and i really hope you start to feel better for yourself and your little one!


MlkandCookies
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 3:01 AM

Why would you lie to your doctor?  If you  were considering getting pregnant he could have prescribed blood pressure medication that would be safer for you to take if you plan on getting preganant.  Chronic high blood pressure is dangerous for a fetus too.

There are groups you can attend outside of working hours.  Maybe weight-watchers or overeaters anonymous if you are that upset about your dietary problems.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 4, 2011 at 3:08 AM

i didnt think about it- it just came out. i do plan on telling him that i had unprotected sex in this past month though and go from there.

i tried weight watchers and it didnt work/help (my lack of care for my life...?)... and i dont overeat.. infact, the mashed potatoes was the only thing i ate all day and i've been up for 19hrs... sleeping only 5 hrs last night and yesterday- i had a soft taco from taco bell for lunch, with chipotle (a big burrito) for dinner-- i was up for almost 22 hrs then.


(friday- woke up at 5am; only slept like 3 hrs.. didnt go to bed until 3am on sat morning.. sat morning, i woke up at 8am... and its now 3am, sunday morning)

Quoting MlkandCookies:

Why would you lie to your doctor?  If you  were considering getting pregnant he could have prescribed blood pressure medication that would be safer for you to take if you plan on getting preganant.  Chronic high blood pressure is dangerous for a fetus too.

There are groups you can attend outside of working hours.  Maybe weight-watchers or overeaters anonymous if you are that upset about your dietary problems.


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