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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

rambling!!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 5 Replies

i miss the way my relationship with my SO was before we had kids. things just aren't the same. i feel like he doesn't "want" me anymore. my body has changed so much since kids and i feel like that's why he doesn't "want" me. he has never said anything about it but he doesn't show me the same affection he use to. i'm gettin really upset about how i look. i do not regret having my children, i love them so much. i just hate how my body is now. i have stretch marks really bad. i just want my body back! gosh, i sound so selfish. omg! i'm really not trying to sound selfish at all. i don't know. i'm just rambling. sorry!

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 5, 2011 at 7:40 PM
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Replies (1-5):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 5, 2011 at 8:00 PM

 bump!

spicy_n_sweet
by on Dec. 5, 2011 at 8:03 PM

Do you show him affection the same way you used to?  Could it actually be a case of you transferring what you feel onto him which makes you pull away some?

I've felt the way you felt before. The reality for me was that I quit showing affection to him way before he began pulling back from me. I didn't find myself attractive at one point, I wasn't happy with myself and I transferred those feelings onto him. He didn't feel that way about me, but I treated him like he did because if I felt that way about myself surely he felt the same. He didn't, and my own issues drove a wedge between us for awhile.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 5, 2011 at 8:06 PM

 i don't find myself attractive at all. i feel awful about myself. maybe i am pushing him away. how do i fix this?

Quoting spicy_n_sweet:

Do you show him affection the same way you used to?  Could it actually be a case of you transferring what you feel onto him which makes you pull away some?

I've felt the way you felt before. The reality for me was that I quit showing affection to him way before he began pulling back from me. I didn't find myself attractive at one point, I wasn't happy with myself and I transferred those feelings onto him. He didn't feel that way about me, but I treated him like he did because if I felt that way about myself surely he felt the same. He didn't, and my own issues drove a wedge between us for awhile.

 

spicy_n_sweet
by on Dec. 5, 2011 at 8:13 PM

It's really easy to get caught in pushing away without even knowing it. When I wasn't happy with myself, when I didn't feel attractive, I just couldn't imagine him not feeling the same way. If I thought I looked gross, then he must as well. So I didn't share myself visually as much any more. If I thought I felt gross to the touch, the he must as well. So I didn't really let him touch me anymore. I didn't get at that the time how that was me pushing him away, but me feeling like he was pulling away. I had to fix myself. I had to be happy with myself again before I could see his happiness with me. I had to find myself attractive again in order to accept that he found me attractive. I had to learn to love and accept the things I couldn't change, and change the things that I wanted to and could. It was hard learning that happiness and feeling attractive both come from within me not from outside entity. But once I finally figured it out, I've never been happier or more comfortable in my own skin.

Quoting Anonymous:

 i don't find myself attractive at all. i feel awful about myself. maybe i am pushing him away. how do i fix this?

Quoting spicy_n_sweet:

Do you show him affection the same way you used to?  Could it actually be a case of you transferring what you feel onto him which makes you pull away some?

I've felt the way you felt before. The reality for me was that I quit showing affection to him way before he began pulling back from me. I didn't find myself attractive at one point, I wasn't happy with myself and I transferred those feelings onto him. He didn't feel that way about me, but I treated him like he did because if I felt that way about myself surely he felt the same. He didn't, and my own issues drove a wedge between us for awhile.

 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 5, 2011 at 8:28 PM

thanks for sharing all that with me. everything you said is exactyly how i feel. i guess i need to work on it! 

Quoting spicy_n_sweet:

It's really easy to get caught in pushing away without even knowing it. When I wasn't happy with myself, when I didn't feel attractive, I just couldn't imagine him not feeling the same way. If I thought I looked gross, then he must as well. So I didn't share myself visually as much any more. If I thought I felt gross to the touch, the he must as well. So I didn't really let him touch me anymore. I didn't get at that the time how that was me pushing him away, but me feeling like he was pulling away. I had to fix myself. I had to be happy with myself again before I could see his happiness with me. I had to find myself attractive again in order to accept that he found me attractive. I had to learn to love and accept the things I couldn't change, and change the things that I wanted to and could. It was hard learning that happiness and feeling attractive both come from within me not from outside entity. But once I finally figured it out, I've never been happier or more comfortable in my own skin.

Quoting Anonymous:

 i don't find myself attractive at all. i feel awful about myself. maybe i am pushing him away. how do i fix this?

Quoting spicy_n_sweet:

Do you show him affection the same way you used to?  Could it actually be a case of you transferring what you feel onto him which makes you pull away some?

I've felt the way you felt before. The reality for me was that I quit showing affection to him way before he began pulling back from me. I didn't find myself attractive at one point, I wasn't happy with myself and I transferred those feelings onto him. He didn't feel that way about me, but I treated him like he did because if I felt that way about myself surely he felt the same. He didn't, and my own issues drove a wedge between us for awhile.

 

 

 

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