Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My oldest Daughter Doesn't know she has a younger Sister.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 48 Replies

My oldest daughter was put in her grandmother's custody right before she turned 3.  She is now 9.  I was at a very dark place in my life and I had a real problem with alcohol.  I moved not to long afterwards to be near supportive family and to try to get sober.  Fast forward to today.  I am well over 4 years sober but 3 months into my sobriety I got pregnant.  I have a beautiful 3 year old!  I AM NOT ALLOWED TO TELL MY 9 YEAR OLD SHE HAS A YOUNGER SISTER!  I have to find a secluded room to call her in case she hears her younger sister in the background.  She has said to me on a few occasions how happy she is that she is an only child because she would be jealous If she had to share her father or me.  It breaks my heart and I can barely speak to her without feeling such extreme guilt about not being able to tell her.  I feel like I am lying.  When I do go to visit, she begs me to sleep over.  I always have to make up some bs to leave because I have to have a babysitter for my youngest and I have to take care of her.  When she calls or I call, I have to either hide in the bathroom or go into a room and lock the door to keep my youngest from finding me.  I don't want to rip her from her home, she is happy where she is at and has tons of friends.  I just keep thinking that I can one day let her know everything!  I dream about her everynight, I cry all the time.  I keep hoping that one day she will understand, but Its been 3 years and her grandmother still won't let me tell her.  My oldest DD now has 2 step-siblings yet I am still unable to let her know I have another daughter and that she has a sister that loves her! I can't even pick up the phone to call her because I know I am lying to her.  This is my confession.

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 6, 2011 at 3:16 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
beautiful_life
by on Dec. 6, 2011 at 3:18 PM
I'd tell her, why on earth could you not
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Freela
by Gold Member on Dec. 6, 2011 at 3:19 PM

I'm confused- why are you not allowed to be honest with her?  It is court-ordered or something?

Ber-Lynn
by Count Me In on Dec. 6, 2011 at 3:21 PM
I would tell her. I really don't understand why you would keep that from her.
GomezMami2908
by on Dec. 6, 2011 at 3:22 PM

Why aren't you allowed to tell them about each other? I understand that your oldest lives with her grandmother and that doesn't have to change at all if you let her know she has a sister. You feel like you are lying because you are, this cannot go on for the rest of their lives. 

yalieh0713
by on Dec. 6, 2011 at 3:22 PM

Why cant you tell her? you got your live together yes she is too young to understand your reasons but she needs to know she has a little sister. Good luck

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 6, 2011 at 3:23 PM

 It's not court ordered for me not to tell her.  Her grandmother controls everything with her.  She is very vindictive and honestly she has scared me since I was 15.  I also don't want my oldest DD to find out over the phone or on accident.  I want to be able to sit her down and tell her, but I never get that chance.  Her Grandmother would seriously beat me If I did....

Quoting Freela:

I'm confused- why are you not allowed to be honest with her?  It is court-ordered or something?

 

fallenangel7386
by on Dec. 6, 2011 at 3:23 PM

Why are you not allowed to tell her? Have you tried to get her back?

bellanoelsmom
by on Dec. 6, 2011 at 3:24 PM
That's terrible! Part of you getting sober was to take back control of your life right? Sounds to me like you are giving your mother way to much control! I have two year old twins who miss their step stepsisters terribly when they are not here, I cant imagine taking that relationship away. I do not think she will thank you years from now when she finds out and realizes all she lost because of it. Maybe your mother is afraid she would loose your daughter if she begins to love her sister. What is your moms relationship with your youngest daughter? it sounds to me like both your daughters are missing out because of this. My dh's sister found dh when he was almost 20, she was 16. They are both very close and resent their father for the time they lost. Do what you think is best for your children not anyone else.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
poohlover515
by on Dec. 6, 2011 at 3:26 PM

Can't you get your daughter back from her grandmother? I know you said that you don't want to uproot her, but wouldn't that be better to have your WHOLE family together. And why is it such a big deal NOT to tell her? Good luck with this one honey.

MamaRockett
by on Dec. 6, 2011 at 3:26 PM
2 moms liked this
If ANYONE beats you call the cops and press charges! And holy hell, how can you let and abuser raise your child???!


Quoting Anonymous:

 It's not court ordered for me not to tell her.  Her grandmother controls everything with her.  She is very vindictive and honestly she has scared me since I was 15.  I also don't want my oldest DD to find out over the phone or on accident.  I want to be able to sit her down and tell her, but I never get that chance.  Her Grandmother would seriously beat me If I did....


Quoting Freela:


I'm confused- why are you not allowed to be honest with her?  It is court-ordered or something?


 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured