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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions
I feel so numb lately...

Nothing matters anymore.
I'm not eating
I barely sleep
I can't concentrate on anything.

I am just going through the motions of my day, every day. Wake up, go to class, pick ds up make him dinner, push my food around throw it out put ds in the tub then in bed sleep. And I do it all over again the next day. I am at the point where I ask myself "did I eat today? Did I eat yesterday" I think I ate a sandwich... I can't remember. I'm not hungry. I think I haven't eaten more than a nibble all week...

My friends are worried. They know something is wrong. They try to cheer me up it doesn't work.

Nothing works.


I need to see my therapist again but my insurance stopped covering it and I can't afford to go...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 7, 2011 at 7:03 AM
Replies (11-20):
colins_mom
by Ruby Member on Dec. 7, 2011 at 3:20 PM
That's where I have my problem. I have a hard time finding reasons not to feel this way. My therapist helps because she specializes in management. She helps me live with it. I won't take antidepressants, they make it so that I act happy but I'm still dead inside, I just can't show it. Like I'm locked inside a glass box. My therapist knows that I feel like that and knows that I need ways to cope. Everything I have tried isn't working long term anymore.

Quoting .Angel.Eyes.:

You said you need to see your therapist, but you don't have the money. You saw a therapist and it only helped with you were being seen, I will assume - doesn't that tell you something? The peace of mind you felt when seeing your therapist was only temporary.

You don't have a choice, other than to choose happiness. I'm very sorry but I am going to be blunt: What you have written hear sounds like your already dead, you've died inside - You're not dead yet - LIVE, dammit!! You're choosing giving away your power. Live your life as you are meant to live it. Your life was meant to be lived in gladness. Life IS a thrill and an lovely adventure!! Don't give up on yourself, your life! Believe in yourself! You are here for a reason... you're wasting your reason! Act like kid again, learn from you child! Live with a song in your heart, a wonderful warm peaceful song.

Quoting colins_mom:

don't you think I've tried that? forcing a smile cant fix a chemical imbalance. if getting rid of depression was as easy as faking being happy i would have been cured years ago. positive up beat music doesn't work forcing a smile makes me feel worse because it isn't real. laughing physically hurts. its like the only emotion i can feel is sadness.

Quoting .Angel.Eyes.:

I don't mean to sound insensitive, I am one of those "Just get over it" type of people.Your thoughts are powerful, you totally are what you think. You cannot live a positive life with negative mind. You can choose happiness. You do have control of what you think about. When people focus on gloom and doom, they become depressed. Fixate your mind on all that is good. Walk tall with a smile upon your face, even if you don't feel like it - it releases endorphins. Turn on some positive upbeat music and dance like there is no tomorrow. Be silly - let lose. Today is another beautiful day to be happy, but you must choose to see it. Make up your mind - Do you want to be depressed today or do you want to live with joy in your heart? You must be happy on purpose. I choose to made this day happy, I am not going to waste anymore days. Celebrate each and every day with sheer joy. I am alive! I am happy! I will live this day with enthusiasm! I will be a blessing to all of those around me, I will brighten someone else's day! Stop complaining and be who you want to be, feel what you want to feel.

Quoting colins_mom:

And as to 'why am I (I'm assuming you meant doing) this' I'm not choosing to feel this way I can't force happy. I can't even force contentedness. I needed to get it out as to how I really feel since I don't have anyone IRL that wouldn't just say 'Just get over it' no one gets it...




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 7, 2011 at 3:27 PM
I'm so sorry :( have you tried getting some extra sun? Might help take the edge off. That's all I got. I hope your body can eventually even itself out, I know what you are talking about not wanting to take the meds...yuck :p good luck mama
grey7399
by Gold Member on Dec. 7, 2011 at 3:36 PM

I'll tell you what I tell everyone.

it isn't an instant cure, it isn't a perfect cure...

replace all the bulbs in your house with sun light simulating bulbs.  Take extra vitamin d.  Get outside often.  Breathe deep & try to think about those things you SHOULD be happy about.  Not WHY you aren't.

don't fake it anymore.  Start telling those people who love & support you what you need to be able to cope again.

anon1986East
by Kali on Dec. 7, 2011 at 3:41 PM

Have you tried looking into support groups or a counseling center that offers a sliding scale fee?

catharsis
by on Dec. 7, 2011 at 3:51 PM
Medication changed my life. Now, I have the option of feeling happy. It doesn't change who I am or how I feel, it's like it gives me a choice I didn't have before. Just this morning I was feeling super lethargic and bummed, then I thought about it and just got up and moving. And now I'm ok again. Before the meds I wouldn't have been able to get up. I used to just go through the motions, and now I'm actually ok. My house is clean for the first time in forever, laundry is done, I cook almost every meal. These are things I physically couldn't do before (nevermind doing them now that dh is deployed and I'm more stressed than usual), and no amount of therapy changed it. Chemical imbalance requires chemical correction, or at least it does in my case. I hope you find ways to cope so you can be happy!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
.Angel.Eyes.
by on Dec. 7, 2011 at 4:13 PM

I was once dead inside too. I found great success, success meaning happiness. I am happy, excited and full of hope. No one wants to be around a stick-in-the mud. I am going to warn you; Your family and friends will get frustrated when you rebuke them when they try to give you advice and help. It will lead you to feel like no one cares, but that's a lie! They will give up, because it makes them feel bad/sad that they don't have the 'magical' words to help you pull though this. They can't help someone who is not willing to help themselves. I have been on both side of this battle. You need to fight for your life. You must tell yourself; I will have a great day! I will enjoy people that are around me. I will be productive! I will bloom like a beautiful flower in an open field, so colorful, so bright, so refreshing. People will be drawn to you, you will be victorious! Be aware of all the positive worlds wonders that you are surrounded by. The truth is there is PLENTY to be grateful for! Choose life every day! What are your aspirations in life, your dreams? Don't have any? Dream a little dream and turn it into realty. If you can dream it you can absolutely create it. Live with intention, choose to live fully alive. Live every day like there will be no other. Laugh and play. Your possibilities are numerous once you decide to act. One day you will discover your greatest that lies within, far greater than you have ever dreamed yourself to be. Life is meant to be rewarding and enriching - don't waste one more moment. Step outside of your doubts, your greatness will shine, so heavenly. Banish the barrier and be your very best. I will leave you with this being said. When the world fails, turn to Jesus pour out your heart and soul to Him. He will hear your cry and rescue you, because He loves you so very much. Good day!

Quoting colins_mom:

That's where I have my problem. I have a hard time finding reasons not to feel this way. My therapist helps because she specializes in management. She helps me live with it. I won't take antidepressants, they make it so that I act happy but I'm still dead inside, I just can't show it. Like I'm locked inside a glass box. My therapist knows that I feel like that and knows that I need ways to cope. Everything I have tried isn't working long term anymore.

Quoting .Angel.Eyes.:

You said you need to see your therapist, but you don't have the money. You saw a therapist and it only helped with you were being seen, I will assume - doesn't that tell you something? The peace of mind you felt when seeing your therapist was only temporary.

You don't have a choice, other than to choose happiness. I'm very sorry but I am going to be blunt: What you have written hear sounds like your already dead, you've died inside - You're not dead yet - LIVE, dammit!! You're choosing giving away your power. Live your life as you are meant to live it. Your life was meant to be lived in gladness. Life IS a thrill and an lovely adventure!! Don't give up on yourself, your life! Believe in yourself! You are here for a reason... you're wasting your reason! Act like kid again, learn from you child! Live with a song in your heart, a wonderful warm peaceful song.

Quoting colins_mom:

don't you think I've tried that? forcing a smile cant fix a chemical imbalance. if getting rid of depression was as easy as faking being happy i would have been cured years ago. positive up beat music doesn't work forcing a smile makes me feel worse because it isn't real. laughing physically hurts. its like the only emotion i can feel is sadness.

Quoting .Angel.Eyes.:

I don't mean to sound insensitive, I am one of those "Just get over it" type of people.Your thoughts are powerful, you totally are what you think. You cannot live a positive life with negative mind. You can choose happiness. You do have control of what you think about. When people focus on gloom and doom, they become depressed. Fixate your mind on all that is good. Walk tall with a smile upon your face, even if you don't feel like it - it releases endorphins. Turn on some positive upbeat music and dance like there is no tomorrow. Be silly - let lose. Today is another beautiful day to be happy, but you must choose to see it. Make up your mind - Do you want to be depressed today or do you want to live with joy in your heart? You must be happy on purpose. I choose to made this day happy, I am not going to waste anymore days. Celebrate each and every day with sheer joy. I am alive! I am happy! I will live this day with enthusiasm! I will be a blessing to all of those around me, I will brighten someone else's day! Stop complaining and be who you want to be, feel what you want to feel.

Quoting colins_mom:

And as to 'why am I (I'm assuming you meant doing) this' I'm not choosing to feel this way I can't force happy. I can't even force contentedness. I needed to get it out as to how I really feel since I don't have anyone IRL that wouldn't just say 'Just get over it' no one gets it...







I believe my Creator (Jeremiah 29:11) I walk forward in certainty that my life is secure.


colins_mom
by Ruby Member on Dec. 7, 2011 at 5:05 PM
I've tried prayer/turning to god.

He isn't listening.


Quoting .Angel.Eyes.:

I was once dead inside too. I found great success, success meaning happiness. I am happy, excited and full of hope. No one wants to be around a stick-in-the mud. I am going to warn you; Your family and friends will get frustrated when you rebuke them when they try to give you advice and help. It will lead you to feel like no one cares, but that's a lie! They will give up, because it makes them feel bad/sad that they don't have the 'magical' words to help you pull though this. They can't help someone who is not willing to help themselves. I have been on both side of this battle. You need to fight for your life. You must tell yourself; I will have a great day! I will enjoy people that are around me. I will be productive! I will bloom like a beautiful flower in an open field, so colorful, so bright, so refreshing. People will be drawn to you, you will be victorious! Be aware of all the positive worlds wonders that you are surrounded by. The truth is there is PLENTY to be grateful for! Choose life every day! What are your aspirations in life, your dreams? Don't have any? Dream a little dream and turn it into realty. If you can dream it you can absolutely create it. Live with intention, choose to live fully alive. Live every day like there will be no other. Laugh and play. Your possibilities are numerous once you decide to act. One day you will discover your greatest that lies within, far greater than you have ever dreamed yourself to be. Life is meant to be rewarding and enriching - don't waste one more moment. Step outside of your doubts, your greatness will shine, so heavenly. Banish the barrier and be your very best. I will leave you with this being said. When the world fails, turn to Jesus pour out your heart and soul to Him. He will hear your cry and rescue you, because He loves you so very much. Good day!

Quoting colins_mom:

That's where I have my problem. I have a hard time finding reasons not to feel this way. My therapist helps because she specializes in management. She helps me live with it. I won't take antidepressants, they make it so that I act happy but I'm still dead inside, I just can't show it. Like I'm locked inside a glass box. My therapist knows that I feel like that and knows that I need ways to cope. Everything I have tried isn't working long term anymore.



Quoting .Angel.Eyes.:

You said you need to see your therapist, but you don't have the money. You saw a therapist and it only helped with you were being seen, I will assume - doesn't that tell you something? The peace of mind you felt when seeing your therapist was only temporary.

You don't have a choice, other than to choose happiness. I'm very sorry but I am going to be blunt: What you have written hear sounds like your already dead, you've died inside - You're not dead yet - LIVE, dammit!! You're choosing giving away your power. Live your life as you are meant to live it. Your life was meant to be lived in gladness. Life IS a thrill and an lovely adventure!! Don't give up on yourself, your life! Believe in yourself! You are here for a reason... you're wasting your reason! Act like kid again, learn from you child! Live with a song in your heart, a wonderful warm peaceful song.

Quoting colins_mom:

don't you think I've tried that? forcing a smile cant fix a chemical imbalance. if getting rid of depression was as easy as faking being happy i would have been cured years ago. positive up beat music doesn't work forcing a smile makes me feel worse because it isn't real. laughing physically hurts. its like the only emotion i can feel is sadness.

Quoting .Angel.Eyes.:

I don't mean to sound insensitive, I am one of those "Just get over it" type of people.Your thoughts are powerful, you totally are what you think. You cannot live a positive life with negative mind. You can choose happiness. You do have control of what you think about. When people focus on gloom and doom, they become depressed. Fixate your mind on all that is good. Walk tall with a smile upon your face, even if you don't feel like it - it releases endorphins. Turn on some positive upbeat music and dance like there is no tomorrow. Be silly - let lose. Today is another beautiful day to be happy, but you must choose to see it. Make up your mind - Do you want to be depressed today or do you want to live with joy in your heart? You must be happy on purpose. I choose to made this day happy, I am not going to waste anymore days. Celebrate each and every day with sheer joy. I am alive! I am happy! I will live this day with enthusiasm! I will be a blessing to all of those around me, I will brighten someone else's day! Stop complaining and be who you want to be, feel what you want to feel.

Quoting colins_mom:

And as to 'why am I (I'm assuming you meant doing) this' I'm not choosing to feel this way I can't force happy. I can't even force contentedness. I needed to get it out as to how I really feel since I don't have anyone IRL that wouldn't just say 'Just get over it' no one gets it...





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
.Angel.Eyes.
by on Dec. 7, 2011 at 5:42 PM

I promise you sweetheart, He does listen. You have to trust Him, you have to believe that He hears you. It took me 8 long months before I realized He answered my prayer, be patient. Do not grow weary or lose heart, don't give up. Jesus says; Lay your requests before me, and wait in expectation." Give God at least 5 minutes of your everyday, 20 seconds even, speak to Him in prayer as if He is your very best friend, because He is. He is the lover of your soul. I would have took me longer if I didn't choose to see it for what it really was; My answered prayer, He has blessed me countless times, beyond measure. He will reveal Himself. Jesus says; Trust me, and don't be afraid. I am your strength, your song and your salvation. As you pursue peace by pursuing Jesus, you'll find you are holding the true key to living the good life. Whenever He feels distant to you, you say; "Surely the Lord is in this place." He will send you thoughts, they will silently form in the deep depths of your being. You cannot rush this process, it will keep you separated from Him. Tune your heart to hear these messages; They are words of life. Jesus says; I will do, I am the Lord, the creator of all the universe. Nothing is impossible with and for Jesus (God) Father God Almighty, He is The Alpha Omega <3 I love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. He is the reason why I am who I am today. 

Quoting colins_mom:

I've tried prayer/turning to god.

He isn't listening.


Quoting .Angel.Eyes.:

I was once dead inside too. I found great success, success meaning happiness. I am happy, excited and full of hope. No one wants to be around a stick-in-the mud. I am going to warn you; Your family and friends will get frustrated when you rebuke them when they try to give you advice and help. It will lead you to feel like no one cares, but that's a lie! They will give up, because it makes them feel bad/sad that they don't have the 'magical' words to help you pull though this. They can't help someone who is not willing to help themselves. I have been on both side of this battle. You need to fight for your life. You must tell yourself; I will have a great day! I will enjoy people that are around me. I will be productive! I will bloom like a beautiful flower in an open field, so colorful, so bright, so refreshing. People will be drawn to you, you will be victorious! Be aware of all the positive worlds wonders that you are surrounded by. The truth is there is PLENTY to be grateful for! Choose life every day! What are your aspirations in life, your dreams? Don't have any? Dream a little dream and turn it into realty. If you can dream it you can absolutely create it. Live with intention, choose to live fully alive. Live every day like there will be no other. Laugh and play. Your possibilities are numerous once you decide to act. One day you will discover your greatest that lies within, far greater than you have ever dreamed yourself to be. Life is meant to be rewarding and enriching - don't waste one more moment. Step outside of your doubts, your greatness will shine, so heavenly. Banish the barrier and be your very best. I will leave you with this being said. When the world fails, turn to Jesus pour out your heart and soul to Him. He will hear your cry and rescue you, because He loves you so very much. Good day!

Quoting colins_mom:

That's where I have my problem. I have a hard time finding reasons not to feel this way. My therapist helps because she specializes in management. She helps me live with it. I won't take antidepressants, they make it so that I act happy but I'm still dead inside, I just can't show it. Like I'm locked inside a glass box. My therapist knows that I feel like that and knows that I need ways to cope. Everything I have tried isn't working long term anymore.



Quoting .Angel.Eyes.:

You said you need to see your therapist, but you don't have the money. You saw a therapist and it only helped with you were being seen, I will assume - doesn't that tell you something? The peace of mind you felt when seeing your therapist was only temporary.

You don't have a choice, other than to choose happiness. I'm very sorry but I am going to be blunt: What you have written hear sounds like your already dead, you've died inside - You're not dead yet - LIVE, dammit!! You're choosing giving away your power. Live your life as you are meant to live it. Your life was meant to be lived in gladness. Life IS a thrill and an lovely adventure!! Don't give up on yourself, your life! Believe in yourself! You are here for a reason... you're wasting your reason! Act like kid again, learn from you child! Live with a song in your heart, a wonderful warm peaceful song.

Quoting colins_mom:

don't you think I've tried that? forcing a smile cant fix a chemical imbalance. if getting rid of depression was as easy as faking being happy i would have been cured years ago. positive up beat music doesn't work forcing a smile makes me feel worse because it isn't real. laughing physically hurts. its like the only emotion i can feel is sadness.

Quoting .Angel.Eyes.:

I don't mean to sound insensitive, I am one of those "Just get over it" type of people.Your thoughts are powerful, you totally are what you think. You cannot live a positive life with negative mind. You can choose happiness. You do have control of what you think about. When people focus on gloom and doom, they become depressed. Fixate your mind on all that is good. Walk tall with a smile upon your face, even if you don't feel like it - it releases endorphins. Turn on some positive upbeat music and dance like there is no tomorrow. Be silly - let lose. Today is another beautiful day to be happy, but you must choose to see it. Make up your mind - Do you want to be depressed today or do you want to live with joy in your heart? You must be happy on purpose. I choose to made this day happy, I am not going to waste anymore days. Celebrate each and every day with sheer joy. I am alive! I am happy! I will live this day with enthusiasm! I will be a blessing to all of those around me, I will brighten someone else's day! Stop complaining and be who you want to be, feel what you want to feel.

Quoting colins_mom:

And as to 'why am I (I'm assuming you meant doing) this' I'm not choosing to feel this way I can't force happy. I can't even force contentedness. I needed to get it out as to how I really feel since I don't have anyone IRL that wouldn't just say 'Just get over it' no one gets it...








I believe my Creator (Jeremiah 29:11) I walk forward in certainty that my life is secure.


caito
by Ruby Member on Dec. 7, 2011 at 5:54 PM

Dude

This is my life exactly. I could have written this right now.

My mom is going to pay for me to see a therapist.. It's my only hope right now :(

colins_mom
by Ruby Member on Dec. 7, 2011 at 6:08 PM

 i have been praying for almost 10 years for one thing: for this feeling to go away. it never has.  it gets worse and worse and worse. i pray for happiness and for a short while i will get it and things will be great. but i havent been happy for longer than 3 months at a time and then something happens and things go right back to hell. i am so sick and tired of being so damn optimistic all the time only to be disapointed. trust me i know god answers prayers but never getting the answer you need kind of wears you down. i want my life to be where i want it to be and yet it seems like anytime i am able to get to where i want to be for this point in my life i get smacked in the face and end up right back at the begining. i am sick and tired of this feeling of drowning, despair, and hopelessness. i want some sort of comfort and i cant seem to find it. i cant pay my bills, because i have to work all the damn time i dont have the time to do my school work so i am failing half of my classes... there is no light at the end of my tunnel....

Quoting .Angel.Eyes.:

I promise you sweetheart, He does listen. You have to trust Him, you have to believe that He hears you. It took me 8 long months before I realized He answered my prayer, be patient. Do not grow weary or lose heart, don't give up. Jesus says; Lay your requests before me, and wait in expectation." Give God at least 5 minutes of your everyday, 20 seconds even, speak to Him in prayer as if He is your very best friend, because He is. He is the lover of your soul. I would have took me longer if I didn't choose to see it for what it really was; My answered prayer, He has blessed me countless times, beyond measure. He will reveal Himself. Jesus says; Trust me, and don't be afraid. I am your strength, your song and your salvation. As you pursue peace by pursuing Jesus, you'll find you are holding the true key to living the good life. Whenever He feels distant to you, you say; "Surely the Lord is in this place." He will send you thoughts, they will silently form in the deep depths of your being. You cannot rush this process, it will keep you separated from Him. Tune your heart to hear these messages; They are words of life. Jesus says; I will do, I am the Lord, the creator of all the universe. Nothing is impossible with and for Jesus (God) Father God Almighty, He is The Alpha Omega <3 I love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. He is the reason why I am who I am today. 

Quoting colins_mom:

I've tried prayer/turning to god.

He isn't listening.

 

 

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