I'm in a relationship that has been ongoing for nearly 5 years. It's good - we don't do that breakup get back together thing. We don't fight really - other than the daily stuff about socks on the floor, etc. Mostly - we have a great relationship. We aren't married. I have kids, he doesn't.
He said he's not sure if he wants kids, and I already have two. I've been content with this. I'm not "trying" to get pregnant. I'm in my late thirties anyway - not a great age, not a bad age. My guy has said that he isn't sure he "deserves" kids - feels guilty over an abortion an old girlfriend had.
Anyway - while I'm not TRYING to get pregnant, I'm also not on the pill, don't have an IUD, etc. Usually we use condoms and that's been good for us. Normally we start without one and about halfway through he'll put one on. Lately though - for the past 3 out of 5 times - he's not put one on at all.
I am honest about my cycle - he knows roughly where I am with it, he knows he is taking a risk by not using protection.
I was neither here nor there on it. I kind of figured we'd deal with it if I ever got pregnant, or continue on if I don't ever get pregnant again.
Though after looking at my calendar closely, I realized that we had unprotected sex twice during my ovulation/fertile time, with the last one being 3 days from my MOST fertile day. (of course, this is a guestimate, i use an app that tracks my cycle - it's been nearly accurate for nearly 3 years). Realizing this, I fully understand I may become pregnant in the next few days - or, my old ass eggs could just sizzle right on past anything.
Either which way I find myself longing for it - and that surprises me. I didn't realize I would WANT it so badly. I'm already feeling sad at the thought of getting my period and I'm dumbfounded by my emotions.
Have any of you ever felt like this?