I feel like my life has been a waste....(HUGE vent)
I want to go back and start my life over. I feel like my whole life has been a waste and a struggle. I had a marriage for 16 years that ended in disaster and we still fight 8 years later. I have three kids that I struggle with. My son comes and goes, my older daughter, well, we are VERY close, we have a great relationship but she has a drug and alcohol problem, she is in a treatment facility now getting help, but will struggle with that her whole life. My 14 yr old daughter moved to live with her dad over a year ago and I swear if we start to get close her dad does something to pull her back in. It's a very long story, but I just feel that when I chose to marry this awful man it ruined my entire life. All I wanted in life was a large, happy, close knitt family. My family is anything but. I am by myself, miserable and hate my life. It's too late to start over, it's not like I can remarry and have more kids and try again. I'm too old and don't have a uterus anymore. I'm so tired of fighting all of these battles in life. Where is my joy? All I feel like I'm doing is going to work, paying bills, fighting with my kids and crying. What fun is that??? I try so hard to be a good mom to my kids, I am there for them emotionally and psychologically, I may not have the biggest house or nicest car or have a maid come every week like their dad does. Or have a normal schedule like their dad does but I am NOT their dad!! If only they remembered the things their dad did to them when they were little. He was so horrible to them. He's being horrible to them now, he just does it in a sly way so they don't realize it. He makes it look like its me that's the bad one. Although not speaking to your 17 yr old in 2 1/2 years is pretty bad. But of coarse he blames that on her. They bought that. It was MY fault he didn't get counseling with her because I didn't call him and tell him when her appt was.??? ummm...I made that appt for HER benefit. If HE wanted to get a session with her then HE needed to pick up the phone and call the therapist, right? Everything is ALWAYS MY FAULT and everyone always believes HIM!! I"M JUST OVER THIS!!!