Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How to heal?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 28 Replies

So I apologize for the length but I need serious advice! I was raped from age 9-15 by my half brother. I began to feel "love like" feelings for him, and when revealed this to my therapist, she had me put away for a few weeks. Thus caused me to believe love is bad. I can not fully let ANYONE not my husband nor kids nor anyone fully into my heart. I have tried talking to therapist and what not, but they don't help. Do you have any advice for healing? How do you overcome something like this and let your wall down and fully love when at a tender age you were condemned for loving??! And the one you loved hurt you!? Its not just relationships, its every day life. Like lets say you LOVE to crochet, or make jewlery. Well I allow myself to feel love for that stuff too, for a VERY brief moment, then I walk away from it because IDK how to love. I know thats stupid sounding, but its the truth. Can you train yourself to love? Is there hope?

Thanks!

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:39 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
MamaRockett
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:47 PM
1 mom liked this

You shouldn't have posted here. You're about to be bashed and made fun of hardcore. These women are heartless.



If you think you have PTSD there's a group for that. I'm in it.

NVL0707
by Mi Vida Loca on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:49 PM
Maybe try a group therapy? I really don't know.Sorry hope someone can help you.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:01 PM


Quoting MamaRockett:

You shouldn't have posted here. You're about to be bashed and made fun of hardcore. These women are heartless.



If you think you have PTSD there's a group for that. I'm in it.

Thanks for the warning. DH suggested I post here b/c I can go annon. Sucks in an event like this someone would have to worry about being "bashed".

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:01 PM


Quoting halliebug:

I hope that people can have class and not bash this woman.

Op. I don't know anything about this but I hope one day you can let your walls down. :( Pm me if you need to talk.

Thank you. 

lexa86
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:12 PM

thats not surprising- when someone you trust hurts you and people you count on dont save you, it's expected that you lose it. i hope your relationship with your kid is still intact. My SO hurt me (not even close to what you went through) and although i lost all trust for him and can't even conjure up a care for him anymore- i pour my love into my kids. children are innocent and they depend on you- if you ever feel love and compassion for someone and allow them into your heart, it'll be that kid. I also hope your husband is supportive- your experience is not to be taken lightly. You cant train yourself to love- but its a natural part of you. practice showing it & you will realize it again. if you weren't capable of it- im sure you wouldn't be a wife or mother

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:16 PM


Quoting lexa86:

thats not surprising- when someone you trust hurts you and people you count on dont save you, it's expected that you lose it. i hope your relationship with your kid is still intact. My SO hurt me (not even close to what you went through) and although i lost all trust for him and can't even conjure up a care for him anymore- i pour my love into my kids. children are innocent and they depend on you- if you ever feel love and compassion for someone and allow them into your heart, it'll be that kid. I also hope your husband is supportive- your experience is not to be taken lightly. You cant train yourself to love- but its a natural part of you. practice showing it & you will realize it again. if you weren't capable of it- im sure you wouldn't be a wife or mother

Thank you. I do love my children. I just feel like I should/could love them more. My husband is INCREDIBLY supportive. 

mommyakabooby
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:19 PM
2 moms liked this
Try looking at love as a verb; something you do. Your kids for instance, you hug them, kiss them, feed them, bathe them, so you are loving them. If you're having a hard time connecting to your husband, do the same thing. Put your love into action, the feelings will come naturally after that.
the feelings you were having for your brother comes from a phenomenon called stockhold syndrome. It's very common among abuse survivors. You should have never been committed for admitting that.
you are ok, and the walls you are putting up are normal, even healthy. You do it for your own protection. But for the sake of your marriage and your kids, you need to find a way to connect with them.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:22 PM


Quoting mommyakabooby:

Try looking at love as a verb; something you do. Your kids for instance, you hug them, kiss them, feed them, bathe them, so you are loving them. If you're having a hard time connecting to your husband, do the same thing. Put your love into action, the feelings will come naturally after that.
the feelings you were having for your brother comes from a phenomenon called stockhold syndrome. It's very common among abuse survivors. You should have never been committed for admitting that.
you are ok, and the walls you are putting up are normal, even healthy. You do it for your own protection. But for the sake of your marriage and your kids, you need to find a way to connect with them.

Thank you for replying!! I am going to do a little looking into the stockhold syndrome thing. And I like your idea of looking at love as a verb! 

JacksMom1221
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:37 PM
1 mom liked this
Maybe if u get some self help books it may allow u to not feel so vulnerable since u won't be talking to a person whose judgements u fear. I'm so sorry u went through that and I hope the best for u :-)
mommyakabooby
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:50 PM
1 mom liked this
It originally was to describe the feelings kidnap victims felt for their captors, but is also used to describe the feelings abuse vicitims feel for their abusers. I was raped by my brother as well, so I know what you are going through. I deal with the same feelings, of not trusting people, and putting up walls. I work very hard to love my kids. It's really an effort because sometimes I really want to
disconnect. But I force myself to. I look them in the eye, I tell them I love them, I take care of them, show them compassion. So they know they are loved. The feelings aren't always there, so I don't go by feelings. The fact that I actually care about their well being tells me that I love them. I'll be praying for you, and I'm here for you if you need me. If nothing else, at least you know you are not alone.


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting mommyakabooby:

Try looking at love as a verb; something you do. Your kids for instance, you hug them, kiss them, feed them, bathe them, so you are loving them. If you're having a hard time connecting to your husband, do the same thing. Put your love into action, the feelings will come naturally after that.

the feelings you were having for your brother comes from a phenomenon called stockhold syndrome. It's very common among abuse survivors. You should have never been committed for admitting that.

you are ok, and the walls you are putting up are normal, even healthy. You do it for your own protection. But for the sake of your marriage and your kids, you need to find a way to connect with them.

Thank you for replying!! I am going to do a little looking into the stockhold syndrome thing. And I like your idea of looking at love as a verb! 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)