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ideas to cheer up a grieving friend?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies

Hi ladies. Im in total shock and feel bad for my greiving friend. I went out to go visit my friend tonight, and walked into a home full of people grieving. My friend lost her 28 year old son tonight. I wish I never had gone over there now, because no news is better than bad news. Im in shock,sad for her, dont know if Im doing a good job being a friend to her? Not only did her son just pass away...he was murded. He had a history of drugs and bi sexual relationships and it is assumed it had something to do with it.  I hugged my freind, consoled her and cried. I too have known her son about 20 years. Now, my friend requested I come visit her in the morning (which I will). Is there anything I can bring  or help her with to get through this? I was thinking maybe some snack trays, and a card. Help me, Ive never gone through this before. I want to be a good friend to my grieving freind. Thanks for ideas.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
firebird78
by L&J'sMom on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:22 PM

i have no ideas on this (please don't think i'm being mean or anything, i've just always been clueless on this kind of thing)

but here's a bump for you

shajdinyak
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:25 PM
Can u organize meals so that she doesn't have to worry about cooking for awhile? There is a website that helps coordinate friends to do it. Maybe ask what she needs?
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:26 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting firebird78:

i have no ideas on this (please don't think i'm being mean or anything, i've just always been clueless on this kind of thing)

but here's a bump for you

Thank you for the bump. Im clueless to and thats why Im asking for ideas. I just want to be the best friend I can be to my friend right now, I feel so bad for her. I cannot even imagine what she is going through.

GwenMB
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:28 PM

snack trays sound like a good idea.  Any healthy food so she can eat healthy without having to think about cooking would be helpful.

All you can really do is be there for her.  Be willing to listen.  Be there for her months down the road when people are forgetting.

NDADanceMom
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:29 PM
1 mom liked this

 I think a manicure or pedicure would be nice.  Wait a few weeks, things will calm down and the lonelieness will set in.  RIght now its all just a blur so nothing you do will help or even stick in her mind.  I have 2 friends that have lost children.  One just told me yesterday she had a dream of her son the night before.  He died of cancer when he was 3.  He was still 3 in the dream, though he would be 6 now. 

If you want to do something right now get a box and some note cards. GIve it to her for the funeral and visitation.  Make a sign that instructs people to describe a memory of her son. When my uncle passed in a car accident we did this.  We got 700 stories (some made more than one).  When we sat around as a family grieving we would read outloud 20 cards or so.... Some were funny, some were sad but we learned so much more about him from what people wrote.  My mother (his sister, he was not married) still has the box in her livingroom.  We all can open it anytime we want.

snwalways
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:35 PM
Offer your help. Food is always a good idea, just one less thing she has to worry about. Dont push her about talking about it though... sometimes you can push away without even trying. My thoughts are with her and you.
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km1970
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:40 PM

When my friends 5 year old DD died, her husband called me over to sit with his wife. When I got there, she was laying in bed with her daughter's blanket..I sat with her for 4 hours, I listened to her cry, listened to her talk about the moment her daughter died, and listened to her heart break...sometimes in those moments all you can do is listen.

Samantha_McKay
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:49 PM

Maybe organize it so that she's not having to cook for a couple of days at least. After that she may want to keep busy doing it herself. Sometimes being busy is all that keeps you from being crazy over things.

Offer to be there with her for some of the things shes going to have to do, funeral/memorial arrangements etc. She may not need or want anyone to, but to know people are willing sometimes helps.

Listen. Thats the best thing you can do is listen.

Nobody really knows what to say to someone who is hurting. Just be there when you can and if you are at a loss ask. Sometimes just asking someone what you can do for them can be good. They may not want to ask someone for help with things because they fear the imposition, or just not know how.

Sending good thoughts out into the universe over this tragedy! So sorry.

1sweetmommma
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:49 PM

Give her a shoulder to cry on and 2 good ears to listen when she is ready to talk &  strong back to lean on. Maybe prepare some meals for her...just being there may help a great deal.

bullemhead
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:08 PM
1 mom liked this

 When this happened to a friend of mine, all of us (her friends) got together , cleaned her house while another took her privately to a salon to have her hair done for the funeral, then made sure there was food, drinks etc. at the house after the funeral. We designated her closest friend to take her to the salon, help her dress for the funeral etc. After the funeral, we assigned days for each of us to bring meals. We also arranged for her other 2 children to spend  overnight time at each of our homes during that time to give everyone a break. Her husband was just lost during this time so it was a big help for all and the kids were able to be out of the extremely sad atmosphere. I'm so sorry your friend is having to go through this.

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