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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I need some advice ...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies

Or something along those lines... here's my dilemma... I am a married 30 year old woman, I have four beautiful daughters ages ranging from 5 years up to 12 years old. So heres the problem.. the father and i have had our shares of ups and downs.. what marriage hasnt right ? Well , over the course of our marriage I ended up leaving him once already because he was abusive to me , verbally , physically , mentally.... then he stopped and we went to marriage counceling ... things were going ok.. But I never did feel the love for him that I did a long time ago... I figured well, I love him , im not in love with him , but i should act like i am and push myself to see this marriage through for our kids. ok so fast forward to now ... he decided a year ago that he didnt want to work where he was .. he was making good money and we had our own place... he quit that job , we lost our apartment , now we are living with his parents... we have been here for about eight months ... his parents treat me like crap no matter how much i do around here and while i tell my husband these things he just tells me hes sorry. im so depressed here . my parents told me that my husband, the kids and i can move in with them for a bit to get on our feet but only as a family. I have been having thoughts of just leaving, getting a job ,filing for divorce, get my own place , then getting custody of my kids. I really dont feel like I love my husband anymore. he lacks ambition , he still has this shitty job that barely pays minimum wage , he has me cooped up here with his parents . his parents have told him and my oldest child that its me they have a problem with , not them .. so if i was gone they would be happy. i know that if i left i would have to leave the kids with him for a bit and that thought kills me but  being here kills me too. im so depressed , im moody , i just feel bleh.oh and if youre wondering if my husband is still abusive ... hes not physically but he confuses me .. he tells me he wants to sleep with other women but then says hes joking , he gets pissy when he doesnt get his way , he thinks he can be mad at me and not talk to me but its not ok for me to get mad. i have to go to bed when he does .. i have to do literally everything including lay out his clothes for work which i think is ridiculous, if we get in an argument im not allowed to speak my mind cause he just gets madder.. "our" money is really his money .. im not allowed to spend it.. only he is. but yet he tells me all the time how much he loves me and he texts me all night while hes at work about how much he loves me . im so confused.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 26, 2012 at 6:58 AM
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Replies (1-8):
rockinmomto2
by Gold Member on Jan. 26, 2012 at 7:06 AM

Why don't you just get a job? If it's that horrible, take yourself and your kids to your parents house, get a job, and move on with your life. Be the adult in the situation.

p1r4t3cr0pc1rcl
by on Jan. 26, 2012 at 7:11 AM

I am sorry that is going on. I know what it feels like. I would suggest you doing what you can to get work or employment and find a place on your own without him. I mean, of course, you should talk to him about these things, you need to sit down with him and his family. Granted, his family may be all for it, (you leaving) but if he really loved you, he would say something about them being so rude to you. 

But you need to try to do this on your own. You really do because if he is going to be like this now, with his age, do you really think he is going to change? Besides, he should have the ambition to provide for his children, and it is like he doesnt want to.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 26, 2012 at 7:16 AM

Easier said than done. my parents wont allow me to take the kids and move in with them WITHOUT the husband.... My parents dont believe in divorce and things of that nature .. as far as getting a job right now while im with him... i had a job a while back.. he made me quit because he got tired of taking me to and from , not to mention working around his hours and we only have one vehicle. his parents refuse to help me with anything and we live in the middle of nowhere.. the nearest job for me would be fifteen miles away , walking that far is insane. I have the opportunity to move in with my cousin that lives about two hours away and is willing to help me get a job. However , the apartment she is in is only a two bedroom and I will not bring my kids with me if I cant support them , their father makes money  right now , he can afford to take care of them. I cant , yet .

Quoting rockinmomto2:

Why don't you just get a job? If it's that horrible, take yourself and your kids to your parents house, get a job, and move on with your life. Be the adult in the situation.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 26, 2012 at 7:20 AM

Ive tried talking to him but all he does is give me the whole "i love you so much , id be lost without you, i cant live without you" yet he refuses to do anything. he thinks that telling me stuff like that is going to fix things but it wont. he always says hes sorry about the situation we are in but refuses to even try to look for another job or even offer to take me to and from a job ( i did work for awhile but he said he wasnt going to take me anymore and we only have one vehicle) its like he wants me stuck in one place all alone. I hate it. I hate that the only way im going to probably be able to get out of this is to leave him and leave my kids with him . It kills me to think about leaving my kids but its either i stay here with him , let him run my life and me be miserable or me leave , get my life together then try to get custody of my kids.. im just so confused :(

Quoting p1r4t3cr0pc1rcl:

I am sorry that is going on. I know what it feels like. I would suggest you doing what you can to get work or employment and find a place on your own without him. I mean, of course, you should talk to him about these things, you need to sit down with him and his family. Granted, his family may be all for it, (you leaving) but if he really loved you, he would say something about them being so rude to you. 

But you need to try to do this on your own. You really do because if he is going to be like this now, with his age, do you really think he is going to change? Besides, he should have the ambition to provide for his children, and it is like he doesnt want to.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 26, 2012 at 7:21 AM
Why don't you just get a job? If it's that horrible, take yourself and your kids to your parents house, get a job, and move on with your life. Be the adult in the situation.


LyTe684
by Ruby Member on Jan. 26, 2012 at 7:24 AM
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BonnieRay
by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2012 at 7:26 AM

He IS being abusive. To be honest he sounds like a controlling, manipulative prick. Making you go to bed at the same time he does? Really? Are you his child? What happens if you don't? No wonder you're miserable...

  Have you talked to your parents about you and the kids moving in? Could they help so you could get a job and save some money? I'm not one to take divorce lightly but, you really are in a bad situation. Sounds like it's time to get you and the kids out of there.

p1r4t3cr0pc1rcl
by on Jan. 26, 2012 at 7:27 AM

You dont have to leave the kids with him. See if you can get a job, opposite shift of his, and save up. He tells you that you cannot spend his money, then he cannot spend yours. See if there is anything you can start doing from home and make money and save up. You have options, I know it does not seem like it, but you do and you dont have to leave the kids with him. 

You know they see what he says and how he talks to you, and treats you. This is setting an example of how they should be and how they should let people treat them. It is not good. You have it in you, pick yourself up, realize you DONT need him, and go one. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Ive tried talking to him but all he does is give me the whole "i love you so much , id be lost without you, i cant live without you" yet he refuses to do anything. he thinks that telling me stuff like that is going to fix things but it wont. he always says hes sorry about the situation we are in but refuses to even try to look for another job or even offer to take me to and from a job ( i did work for awhile but he said he wasnt going to take me anymore and we only have one vehicle) its like he wants me stuck in one place all alone. I hate it. I hate that the only way im going to probably be able to get out of this is to leave him and leave my kids with him . It kills me to think about leaving my kids but its either i stay here with him , let him run my life and me be miserable or me leave , get my life together then try to get custody of my kids.. im just so confused :(

Quoting p1r4t3cr0pc1rcl:

I am sorry that is going on. I know what it feels like. I would suggest you doing what you can to get work or employment and find a place on your own without him. I mean, of course, you should talk to him about these things, you need to sit down with him and his family. Granted, his family may be all for it, (you leaving) but if he really loved you, he would say something about them being so rude to you. 

But you need to try to do this on your own. You really do because if he is going to be like this now, with his age, do you really think he is going to change? Besides, he should have the ambition to provide for his children, and it is like he doesnt want to.



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