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s/o worried about having a typical child

Posted by on Jan. 29, 2012 at 6:32 PM
  • 9 Replies

I know this may seem very odd to some, but after answering a poll, this   issue (for want of a better word) i always had came to my mind.

  i have one child  he is  12 and autistic, when thinking of  having another child, the thought of having a typical child always worried me more than having another special needs child.

 i would be afraid i would not love  a typical child as much, i am not sure why i would think this, maybe the thought cause they would not need me as much?

Has any other mothers of special needs children felt this way?

by on Jan. 29, 2012 at 6:32 PM
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by on Jan. 29, 2012 at 6:34 PM

sorry I cannot relate, but my thoughts on this is that you probably feel like a special needs child needs you more, and in many ways they do, but a typical child has needs, just in different ways.  Maybe I am off target, but Hopefully you get more answers. 

by on Jan. 29, 2012 at 6:35 PM

I have five children, two of them have autism.  I love them all the same.  They each have wonderful personalities.  No worries Momma, a second baby, special needs or neurotypical will be loved by you just as much as you love your son.

by on Jan. 29, 2012 at 6:41 PM

I think it's slightly typical for a mother to question if you'll be able to love the second child as much as the first. I've heard MANY moms say this and even experienced it myself. I was SOOO head over heels in love with my baby when I had him!! When I got pregnant with his sister (baby #2) I loved her...but I just couldn't imagine loving another human being as much as I loved the baby I had. There's ALWAYS enough room for the next. 

My MIL experienced this as well when it came to grandchildren. She only has one son so she never experienced loving another child as much as the first. When I married my husband she was head over heels with our daughter. When DD2 (baby #3) came along, she didn't know how to feel. She said she didn't want DD1 to feel thrown away, or DD2 to feel unloved, but she just loved DD1 so much. Once DD2 got here, she said she finally realized how parents of multiples do it. It just happens and just as easily too.

by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 29, 2012 at 6:52 PM

I have not had a special needs child, but I can say that I have children that have some problems. It is hard to know if you could take care of the ones that are fine and then have to figure out what to say or do for the one with problems. I know with all the work you end up doing for the one with special needs, it will always be harder or different with the other children. Be it because you feel you have to be closer to the special needs or troubled child then you do to the one that does so well on their own. Then again, you will always have a close bond with each of your children because they are yours. It is simply part of motherhood. Hang in there with this thought process, it is natural to feel like this and honestly you will never know until you take the chance on having another child.

by on Jan. 29, 2012 at 6:55 PM

I have worked with special needs kids along with non special needs kids. DH and I have talked about this, and the reverse a lot. Every child we have its not a very good chance of a "normal" child. But I couldnt ever imagine not loving one of my children as much as the other.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2012 at 6:57 PM

yes that is normal to feel that way . .  but its like loving any two children or more. . . everyone is different and you just love them in different ways. many times I can "deal" with my autistic son easier then my daughter because I know what to expect from him where as my daughter throws me for a loop some times. I never regret having my daughter and having her around has even helped my son he didnt take away from her and she didnt take away from him.

by on Jan. 29, 2012 at 6:58 PM

 I love my kids equally but for different reasons.  Your "regular" kid will have other needs, goals and things to admire.

by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2012 at 7:06 PM
Oh honey its not just you. And its so normal to feel that way and wonder. My 8 year old has pfeiffer syndrome. He has 13 drs and specialists PLUS a surgical team and multiple (11) surgeries. And when I got pregnant with his little brother I was terrified. What if I didn't have enough love left over for him? What if I didn't have enough time and attention to give him? What if he felt shortchanged and grew up hating me? Was I selfish for wanting another baby? Could I really handle 2? And the answers surprised me. YES I had enough love. YES he has plenty of attention and is well loved. Yes, occasionally he feels shortchanged. Especially at surgery when I stay in picu with his brother and he has to stay with his father. But I make sure that when my oldest is at school, my youngest gets all the undivided mommy time he can get. And we do mommy/xander days every other weekend. Was it selfish of me to want another baby after brandon? Maybe. But I love BOTH my babies and I make a deliberate effort to make sure their needs are met :)
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by on Jan. 29, 2012 at 7:08 PM

actually when i had my 2nd son, I had no idea my first had any issues.  both my kids ended up having speech issues, and went through it together.   I do have to stay on top of my older son about stuff, and not close to as much on the youngest... he is just more independant.... it goes both ways.. Dont worry :)

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