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My heart hurts thhis morning.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 6 Replies

I officially do not have a mother anymore. My mother has never been much of a mother to me. She has never loved me, cared about me, shown me affection, had my back, encouraged me, believed in me, been happy for me, complimented me...or even wanted me. She told me once when I was 16 that she hated me and wishes she would've ad an abortion. I have tried so hard my whole life to earn her love and approval. I want a mother so bad! Why did I ge stuck with this woman?! It's not fair! Why do I have to sit and watch other people talking about how great their moms are and how close they are and how they don't know what they'd do without them? And I've got the devil woman as my mother. I deserve a real mom. I don't even call her "mom", I call her by her first name because calling her mom just doesn't even feel right. She's not a mom. Well not to me anyway. She doesn't treat my brother like this. She actually loves him and tells him so. She spends time with him and enjoys it.

My mother is currently without a car. I've been helping her out with rides and things whenever I can. Last night she called saying she wanted to drive my car to work. She works 3rd shift in another town. I said no and that I'd just drive her instead. Well that wasn't good enough for her and it sent her flying off into a rage. Insulting me via text message all night until I finally had to change my number just to make it stop. Nothing I do is right. I do everything wrong. I'm worthless because I'm a SAHM and I don't "get a job and take care of yourself instead of depending on your husband!". I can't tell you how many times I've called or texted her to see if she needed anything or if she needed to go anywhere and 99% of the time she says no. Mostly because when I call (which could be any hour of the day) she isn't showered/dressed/hair and makeup done yet so she won't go anywhere unless all of that is done. But boy if SHE calls needing a ride somewhere I better drop everything and go NOW or she'll get mad and start cussing and ranting and raving and talking about how she wishes she'd just die already. I live way out in the country. She lives in town. It's not like I just have to drive up the street to get her or something. Then when I ask her to contribute some gas money for all the running around I've done, she just laughs and says "OH you've go more money than me!" And walks away. I'm just so sick of being mistreated by her and hurt. And now my brother is texting me telling me how everything is my fault too. He doesn't care about how I get treated, only cares about how she gets treated. He can apparently only see things from her point of view. It's so sad and heartbreaking to have both your mother and your only sibling against you all the time. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know why I get treated like this. It hurts. Really bad. My heart just hurts. I wanna cry so bad but can't because my kids are here. 

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:39 PM
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Replies (1-6):
cherrywaves21
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:43 PM
Big hugs!!! I am so sorry you are going trough this. I am happy you realize you deserve to be loved for who you are. It seems you are very ng and have tried. This is best I cut my dad out of my life at 19 and I struggled for a bit. But in the end it's oh so worth it. Also your kiddos need a grandma who show their mama love and respect. Cry it out when you can and know it gets way easier
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Lostinindy
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:44 PM
I'm sorry and I can't imagine the hurt you must feel. It's not going to change until you change it. It's time to let her go. Tell her you don't understand why she hates you, but your going to give her what she wants. Your moving on without her. Your kids need a whole mom. You can't be whole with your heart ripped out all the time. It's okay to let go, mourn what you should have had. In the end you will be better for it.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:45 PM
White ppl smh
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SC_MomofTeens
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:45 PM
I am very sorry that you have had to deal with this. That being said, you really need to stop letting her treat you like this. As hard as it is, I would be the walking away....
Hugs!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:20 PM

Thanks for all the support...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:23 PM
(((Hugs)))
You can't change her mama.
Walk away. Don't give her anymore of you.
You are not obligated to be there for someone who won't be there for you.
Just focus on being the mother you never had!

Leave her in the dirt!!
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