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I molested them....

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 22 Replies

When i was a little girl i was severly sexually abused by my dad. It gave me insight into "those parts" that i never should have had at that age. Because of everything i was such a screwed up girl and i did not have the moral compass i have now... When i was 5 I had a 4 yr old cousin spend the night. we slept up in my attic room and while we were up there i thought it would be a fun game to show her what my dad showed me. And there is where it started... we would hump pillows and eachother and anything and everything we could get our hands on to give us that tingly feeling. Until i was about 7 or 8 i would coach my friends on all that stuff. 


Now i look back and i cry so hard and feel so sick with myself... i did to these girls what my dad did to me.. I taught them things and did things to them that will probably forever affect thier lives... and i bet some will even remember what i did and look back and feel the same way i feel about it.... disgusted. Ive talked to a therapist and she says i shouldnt blame myself because i was ust a child and i didnt understand how wrong it was. 

I did know it was dirty and secret... but i guess shes right because i didnt think of it as molestation then, but i cant help but feel so sick with myself for damaging these poor girls!!! I wish i could go back and have known that what my dad was doing was really as wrong as i realised it was once i got a little older... I wish i could go back and have told my mother about all of this because maybe then it wouldt have ogne on and these girls would still have their innocence... 


I just dont know how to deal with the guilt and that is what i think i need help with the most. I know i would never do anything like that to a child now.. but when i was a child i did them and i cant stop regretting it....

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:52 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:55 PM
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You had no idea.  You were just a child.  You're getting help to get past it and that's very commendable.  It's hard to tell someone those things.

hugs

NewJoyOn1308
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:55 PM
1 mom liked this

I am sorry that happened to you and I am sorry for what happened as you entered adolescence. I don't think you should hold yourself hostage to those feelings of guilt, it is in the past and you have to move on. You need to forgive yourself first and then your therapy may help with the rest. You can't change what you did or what was done to you so no sense in allowing it to haunt you for the rest of your life. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:56 PM
Ditto
:(
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:56 PM
1 mom liked this

As being "one of those girls" in both ways as the molester and molestee....just go on with your life accepting the mistakes and lessons you learned and try to educate others on these situations... :) regrets and mistakes are the lessons of life...it wasnt your fault, period.

ARmomOf3
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:56 PM

:( my mother was molested by her father too. I was never allowed near my own grandfather, alone, for my whole life until he passed. if you need a good shoulder, a NONjudgemental and supportive shoulder, you can PM me.

jnttd
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:58 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

You had no idea.  You were just a child.  You're getting help to get past it and that's very commendable.  It's hard to tell someone those things.


hugs

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CabinMommyNH
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:59 PM
It's not unusual for this to happen. Please don't blame yourself, you didn't know what you were doing! Be strong!
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charliebean
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:59 PM
I'm sorry mama
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Mommy2ZOEBETH
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:00 PM

 Myself and my cousins were never molested,but we did similar things touching each other and stuff. I think that part of curiosity amongst kids is normal to some degree.The difference is, you were actually being harmed by an adult when this was happening.

Are you still in contact with your cousins? If you are, get together with them and talk about what happened if you can. Tell them you are sorry for it and tell them what happened to you also. Your therapist is right,that you were a child and did not know any better.But you know now,and it is never too late to make amends when you can.This may help you heal as well as them if it has affected them.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:00 PM

You aren't alone, I did the exact same thing. My uncle molested me and as a result I showed every single one of my friends how to masturbate. I had no clue that what I was doing was wrong, I just wanted the "tingly feeling". I'm so sorry :(

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