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Seriously at my wits end.

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:29 PM
  • 6 Replies

my son is having some issues at school. Basically our deal is if you don't turn any cards at school then you get your privileges...video games, tv....each night. Instead of just behaving, he puts effort in to coming up with ways to deceive me.

How his school thing work is they get tallies. Every set of three tallies equals a card turn. On Monday he tried stuffing his chart in his coat and saying he lost his tally chart and only had 1tally. I told him I would call his teacher to find out. That's when he fessed up and had 9 tallies that day, plus his teacher called me because he was being that disrespectful. Today he attempted to erase two of his tallies so that he only had one. I figured it out because he had 1 card turned, which would be impossible with only one tally, and I could see where they had been erased. I have him just standing here. I told him I was hurt that he would insult my intelligence like that and that I needed to think before I handed him his official punishment. Problem is I cant think of anything suiting. See are not the only two instances btw. It's been an ongoing problem all year. I'm tired. Please give me suggestions of creative ideas. I don't want to say my son is defiant but I just do t understand why he would focus so much on being deceitful than just doing the right thing in the first place.

So, any suggestions?

I should add he is ADHD.  The teacher is very fair and understanding, although she pushes for meds a little to hard in my opinion.  My son is just one of them kids who needs creative and shocking consequences, but I am out of Ideas.  and I dont mean shocking as in abusive. 

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

He who angers you conquers you.

I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:29 PM
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Replies (1-6):
NDADanceMom
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:36 PM

 I would go to school and observe.  There are 2 alternatives here.  1) the teacher is giving tallies unnecessarily and your son just cant do what she wants.  2) your son is being a jerk in class and needs someone to crack the whip more than a teacher can. 

Likely its something in the middle.  They are butting heads and need you to observe what is going on.  If this is not possible I suggest having a meeting with the 3 of you.  Before you go in ask your son for his side and be his voice.  He isnt likely to vocalize it with the 2 of you watching.

manicMOM_DLC
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:39 PM

its not that at all.

i guess I should add that he is ADHD.  I used to think he had no impulse control, but when he thinks he is going to get something out of it, then he will do what is expected. 

Quoting NDADanceMom:

 I would go to school and observe.  There are 2 alternatives here.  1) the teacher is giving tallies unnecessarily and your son just cant do what she wants.  2) your son is being a jerk in class and needs someone to crack the whip more than a teacher can. 

Likely its something in the middle.  They are butting heads and need you to observe what is going on.  If this is not possible I suggest having a meeting with the 3 of you.  Before you go in ask your son for his side and be his voice.  He isnt likely to vocalize it with the 2 of you watching.


Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

He who angers you conquers you.

I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.

NDADanceMom
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:41 PM

 Does he have an IEP?  What does it say about behavior?  He should be in a situation where he can succeed

.  Is he on medication?  Does it need to be reevaluated?

Quoting manicMOM_DLC:

its not that at all.

i guess I should add that he is ADHD.  I used to think he had no impulse control, but when he thinks he is going to get something out of it, then he will do what is expected. 

Quoting NDADanceMom:

 I would go to school and observe.  There are 2 alternatives here.  1) the teacher is giving tallies unnecessarily and your son just cant do what she wants.  2) your son is being a jerk in class and needs someone to crack the whip more than a teacher can. 

Likely its something in the middle.  They are butting heads and need you to observe what is going on.  If this is not possible I suggest having a meeting with the 3 of you.  Before you go in ask your son for his side and be his voice.  He isnt likely to vocalize it with the 2 of you watching.

 

 

manicMOM_DLC
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:43 PM

i dont even know what an IEP is.

i have been told i can call dhs who can help me through this, but again, I dont know much about any of it.

no meds.  i am exploring all other routes first.  i don't want it to be a crutch. 

Quoting NDADanceMom:

 Does he have an IEP?  What does it say about behavior?  He should be in a situation where he can succeed

.  Is he on medication?  Does it need to be reevaluated?

Quoting manicMOM_DLC:

its not that at all.

i guess I should add that he is ADHD.  I used to think he had no impulse control, but when he thinks he is going to get something out of it, then he will do what is expected. 

Quoting NDADanceMom:

 I would go to school and observe.  There are 2 alternatives here.  1) the teacher is giving tallies unnecessarily and your son just cant do what she wants.  2) your son is being a jerk in class and needs someone to crack the whip more than a teacher can. 

Likely its something in the middle.  They are butting heads and need you to observe what is going on.  If this is not possible I suggest having a meeting with the 3 of you.  Before you go in ask your son for his side and be his voice.  He isnt likely to vocalize it with the 2 of you watching.


 


Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

He who angers you conquers you.

I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.

NDADanceMom
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:44 PM

 My son is ADHD as well.  He has a plan for how instructions are given, how the environment is set up, what kind of chair he is in, etc.  Even a kid with ADHD should not be getting in trouble.

NDADanceMom
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:48 PM

 Well just so you know that meds are not a crutch.  They are a medication that brings your child to the normal brain chemistry every other kid has.  It brings them to normal.  Its like saying insulin is a crutch.  My son had a brain scan.  I know what he was lacking and I replaced that.  I also do not give him processed food.  No food colorings, organic food. 

IEP or 504 plans are set up with the school.  The teachers, parents, and administrators create a plan that is evaluated and improved each year.  It sets up an environment for classroom time and testing so the child can succeed.

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