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My DD's godmother is racist and her SO is black and cheating on her...Just sharing not really asking advice! LONG

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 12:54 AM
  • 10 Replies

So the only reason I am even typing this since this really is old news, and while it hurts I know she doesn't mean any harm all the time, is because me and SO was talking about it on our walk.

DD's godmother has endured a lot of pain her 62 years of life. She was raped by a black man and her jewish husband beat her so bad she lost their baby and had to have a hysteroctomy (and yes he did beat her because of the rape because he said it was her fault). 

I meet her and her SO when my mom moved to our building. Her SO who is black lived here (he rents a room) next to the room that SO has. DD's godfather and godmother have been together 19 years in July.

She took a liking to me and I really liked her too because she is funny and she would always say she is black because she kinda acts like it. She loved my daughter like she was her grandmother from the start.

Well when she moved in because she became disabled I started to notice she would say the N word a lot. Her SO didnt mind and while I was quite offended sometimes, I never said anything.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. Her SO did not come home and she sat down and talked to me. She was saying how she hated that he never called her when he stayed out drinking and that she always worried about him. Then she said "Please dont get offended but Im not a N woman. They let their men walk all over them". Now any one of you might have gotten offended. And I did but I handle the situation very very well. I just calmly said that most women do that. Not just black women. And I told her that she let him do whatever he wanted and that is why he is not coming home like he is supposed to.

Now fast forward to the super bowl. He told a group of people (she wasnt there) that he is cheating on her. With multiple women. And while I felt bad. I also felt like this is what happens when ANY woman doesnt do right by their man. She talks down to him, makes him feel like he is nothing and is always hounding him about something. WHILE I AM NOT TRYING TO JUSTIFY CHEATING!! I can understand how he must feel since I see first hand how she treats him.

 I am staying out of it. Though she is racist, she loves my daughter, never says any of that stuff around her and is very respectful any other time. I love her and I understand her hardship and that is why I dont really care that she says that stuff. I know she means harm when she says it, I know she has a lot of hurt inside of her. Its not okay or justified but I cant really explain why I continue to let her in our lives.

Anyway, just wanted to share it. Thanks for listening.

by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 12:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
zianneaaliyah
by 4ever LMFAO on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:03 AM
1 mom liked this

She sounds like she still suffering and taking it out on her SO.  Her SO should have cared enough to get her some help over her trauma instead of using it as a clutch to help himself. 

briesmomisback
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:07 AM
He really hasn't. He does a lot for her. Its just a very unfortunate situation with them both.

Quoting zianneaaliyah:

She sounds like she still suffering and taking it out on her SO.  Her SO should have cared enough to get her some help over her trauma instead of using it as a clutch to help himself. 

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gracieb3
by Platinum Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:10 AM
1 mom liked this

If I have this right she is white, close to you and using the N word to described black women who tolerate cheating men?  I'm white but I'd still call her out on using a historically degrading term at whim.  I'd be sure to explain how it was offensive and inappropriate for anyone to use that word.  She seems to be taking her pick and the labeling what she doesn't like N.  That's wrong in white company, mixed company, black company, it is just all together wrong.  How can she differentiate these feelings and then how can this disturbed ideology not filter to your child.  If you love her and you are close then help her get some insight.  As for how she treats the cheater, I'm fully aware things go wrong and a partner may cheat but this man it's a partner that cheated, he's a cheating cheater. (Multiple women)  I've been stalked by a black murderer and I'm not afraid of all black people.  I've dealt with a bat crazy white neighbor and I'm not afraid of all white people.  I was bitten for no reason by a Great Dane and I'm not afraid of Great Danes.  I'm trying to say that sure a black man raped her and a Jewish man beat her but that is not all black males nor all Jewish males.  She can't be racist some of the time and she honestly sounds ignorant.  I hope you can kindly educated her.  She also needs to find a man that isn't a chronic cheater.  

zianneaaliyah
by 4ever LMFAO on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:10 AM
1 mom liked this

If he's bragging about cheating on her, he's not doing her any favors.  If the relationship is too much for him to handle, why doesn't he just leave?

Quoting briesmomisback:

He really hasn't. He does a lot for her. Its just a very unfortunate situation with them both.

Quoting zianneaaliyah:

She sounds like she still suffering and taking it out on her SO.  Her SO should have cared enough to get her some help over her trauma instead of using it as a clutch to help himself. 


briesmomisback
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:13 AM
He says he's comfortable. She cooks cleans presses his clothes etc. They both just make me sad. They just seem to exist instead if actually being loving each other.

Quoting zianneaaliyah:

If he's bragging about cheating on her, he's not doing her any favors.  If the relationship is too much for him to handle, why doesn't he just leave?

Quoting briesmomisback:

He really hasn't. He does a lot for her. Its just a very unfortunate situation with them both.



Quoting zianneaaliyah:

She sounds like she still suffering and taking it out on her SO.  Her SO should have cared enough to get her some help over her trauma instead of using it as a clutch to help himself. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
briesmomisback
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:15 AM
She gets easily offended and she's older. I don't want to seem like I'm attacking her.

Quoting gracieb3:

If I have this right she is white, close to you and using the N word to described black women who tolerate cheating men?  I'm white but I'd still call her out on using a historically degrading term at whim.  I'd be sure to explain how it was offensive and inappropriate for anyone to use that word.  She seems to be taking her pick and the labeling what she doesn't like N.  That's wrong in white company, mixed company, black company, it is just all together wrong.  How can she differentiate these feelings and then how can this disturbed ideology not filter to your child.  If you love her and you are close then help her get some insight.  As for how she treats the cheater, I'm fully aware things go wrong and a partner may cheat but this man it's a partner that cheated, he's a cheating cheater. (Multiple women)  I've been stalked by a black murderer and I'm not afraid of all black people.  I've dealt with a bat crazy white neighbor and I'm not afraid of all white people.  I was bitten for no reason by a Great Dane and I'm not afraid of Great Danes.  I'm trying to say that sure a black man raped her and a Jewish man beat her but that is not all black males nor all Jewish males.  She can't be racist some of the time and she honestly sounds ignorant.  I hope you can kindly educated her.  She also needs to find a man that isn't a chronic cheater.  

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gracieb3
by Platinum Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:19 AM

Oh sweety, just because she wears her feelings on her sleeve doesn't mean you should suck up her ill will.  Find anway to address it like you are a sweet christian victim.  If you are this saintly passive aggressive victim then she can't be.  =) God bless you.

Quoting briesmomisback:

She gets easily offended and she's older. I don't want to seem like I'm attacking her.

Quoting gracieb3:

If I have this right she is white, close to you and using the N word to described black women who tolerate cheating men?  I'm white but I'd still call her out on using a historically degrading term at whim.  I'd be sure to explain how it was offensive and inappropriate for anyone to use that word.  She seems to be taking her pick and the labeling what she doesn't like N.  That's wrong in white company, mixed company, black company, it is just all together wrong.  How can she differentiate these feelings and then how can this disturbed ideology not filter to your child.  If you love her and you are close then help her get some insight.  As for how she treats the cheater, I'm fully aware things go wrong and a partner may cheat but this man it's a partner that cheated, he's a cheating cheater. (Multiple women)  I've been stalked by a black murderer and I'm not afraid of all black people.  I've dealt with a bat crazy white neighbor and I'm not afraid of all white people.  I was bitten for no reason by a Great Dane and I'm not afraid of Great Danes.  I'm trying to say that sure a black man raped her and a Jewish man beat her but that is not all black males nor all Jewish males.  She can't be racist some of the time and she honestly sounds ignorant.  I hope you can kindly educated her.  She also needs to find a man that isn't a chronic cheater.  


kathienpb
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:22 AM
Oh gosh what a situation. I don't condone what she says or what he does but I wish you luck. Im glad she doesn't talk that way around dd.
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DomoniqueWS
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:25 AM

tell her to quit.  Thats ridiculous. Write a Letter so you can edit it to sound as nice as possible if you are worried about upsetting her.

briesmomisback
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 5:43 PM


Quoting DomoniqueWS:

tell her to quit.  Thats ridiculous. Write a Letter so you can edit it to sound as nice as possible if you are worried about upsetting her.

I didnt see this reply this morning. Sorry.

I probably will. Maybe it will help her find some peace too. I know she still feels a lot of anger for what happened to her when she was younger. I just wish there was a way that I could help her find peace and really be able to move on. She had counseling when she was in her 20s but she stopped it in her 30s and has never been back again. She is all alone because her parents are gone and she was an only child so she really does look at my family as her family too. Everyone is always walking on eggshells around her because she has diabetes and gets very sick a lot when she feels stressed out. She throws up for 2-3 days at a time and it takes a week for her body to get back to normal. I just dont want to make her sick. She really is a sweet older lady.

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