Overweight by 15 pounds and husband is extremely frustrated
- 188 Replies
I've been struggling by myself with this one for quite a while and feel that I really need some outside opinions because I've now started to turn on myself and self hate. I married my husband 6 years ago at the age of 33. I had been married once before and have four children from that marriage. When I met my husband I was 15 pounds lighter than I am now (I WAS 115....now I'm 130) and we talked about how we would stay the same physically for each other. He told me it was extremely important to him to have a wife who was thin because that's what he is attracted to....short and petite and he always wants to be attracted to me physically. (He is naturally tall and skinny and will probably never have a problem with his weight) I'm a logical person and a pleaser by nature so I agreed to always do whatever it took. Fast forward a couple of years later and we had a baby. 2 1/2 years later and I still have the extra 15 pounds that I haven't lost. He's mentioned it to me over and over....usually in a nice way just reminding me that it's important to him that I lose it. Then when we would argue over something he would bring it up and say things like "Every night I go into work and see all these cute girls and I'm so tired of thinking to myself "I wish my wife were skinny and cute again". He told me he simply isn't attracted to me sexually anymore and he can't help it.....it's just the way he is". We still have sex, but now it's nothing to me like it use to be knowing that he's not really attracted to me, he's just wanting sex. The logical side of me says "All I have to do is lose the 15 pounds and things will be fine. Of course he isn't attracted to me.....fat isn't attractive to him. He's always told me that." I don't know why I am struggling so much with losing the weight...it just isn't easy. I lose 5 or 6 pounds only to gain it back the next month. I do this every month. He feels as though I'm not being "loving" to him by not giving him what I know he wants and is frustrated now asking how long is he going to have to wait. I know this isn't very loving of him.....but on the other hand I was always taught to keep yourself attractive for your mate. It's important. I'm REALLY starting to just hate myself now because it's only 15 pounds and I can't make it happen. He has offered to help by not bringing sweets in the house or by working out with me if I'll just start it. Today he pointed out a girl and said "That's about what you use to look like....same type of frame she has. She's really cute....come on , please lose the weight!" I'm weary of feeling this way. I've told him it gets to me to hear it so often and to please quit bringing it up, but he says it's been 2 1/2 years now and HOW much longer does he have to wait? Ugh. Do I just need to deal with it until I lose the weight knowing it's my fault because I know how much it means to him?
I want to know why you feel that way, though. He told me in the beginning that my appearance (mainly just weight) is important to him. I should have seen that as a red flag if I didn't want to do what it took to keep him satisfied in that regard. So I'm kind of seeing it as my fault.
I think that your husband is an ass. Yes, he should have a wife who is phsyically attractive, but he is going about things the wrong way. And telling you abot "cute girls at work",pointing out random women and comparing them to you,telling pressuring you? Thats sad,do you think he has or would cheat? Also do you want to lose it yourself? How do you feel about the way you look? How tall are you?
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