Am I wrong or is she?

[Anonymous]

My DH got in a tractor trailer accident. He drives, and there were no others injured. He calls me RIGHT after he got off the phone with 911, and I told him Im coming to get him (6 hours away) I got in the car, and headed that way. Called my mom in the car, and then got off the phone. POsted on Fb i was headed to get him and he was in an accident (I know, stupid, but I was at a light and wasnt thinking at the time, honestly) my MIL NEVER crossed my mind. Not even once. She hasn't called us since Christmas! His dad has called him, but his mom hasnt called me once since probably November, she called DH on Christmas. She's been super rude, and I'm over it, so since I hadnt spoken to her, she wasnt even crossing my mind. I was freaking out about my DH. Well, I had to stop halfway there because I was so exhausted and dozing (we were driving across Kansas, and anyone that knows crossing KS, you'll understand, plus it was 1am when I left, and hadnt slept) So I stopped at a hotel because I had 3 kids in the car I didnt want to get in an accident and told my DH, and he had someone come get him. Well, I wake up with 2 missed calls from my MIL. I call her back and she goes off on me about reading it on FB and HER phone blowing up with questions. I just let her go off, and told her what I knew. Well I talk to DH later, and he tells me his mom AND dad called and bitched at him because he didnt call THEM, and that I should have called too. SO SORRY that they werent in our heads. Seriously, they never call us, when we call, they ignore us. My fil does call randomly, but obviously not me, and I never am around when he calls.  She posted a small 'innocent' dig on fb about not knowing anything about her son and thats a mother's worst nightmare (which i agree it is for moms who actually care about their kids). I feel it's just another way to dig her nails into me and make me look bad. If they would have crossed my mind at 1am when I found out, I would have called her, but she didnt because she is always absent. Was I wrong? Or is she wrong for trying to make this all about them?!

Oh, and my DH is having trouble now making new memories. Just small things, like things I tell him  (which he's normally amazing about) and he'll walk into a room and forget WHY he went in there. The dr thinks its because of lack of sleep, and having nightmares about the crash every time he does doze off. But he's being treated. So we'll see how all of this plays out. Other than that, he is okay.

Just re-posted anon for the long term haters ;)

[spicy_n_sweet]

 We speak to my SO's mother no more than 5 times  a year.. 

The idea of posting my SO had an accident on FB before or instead of  letting his mother know personally is so totally and completely foreign to me.

 

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Quoting spicy_n_sweet:

 We speak to my SO's mother no more than 5 times  a year.. 

The idea of posting my SO had an accident on FB before or instead of  letting his mother know personally is so totally and completely foreign to me.

eh, she honestly didn't cross my mind because we dont even talk about her. She's mean and cruel and just wanted the story so she could tell everyone Im sure. She didnt even ask if my DH was okay when she called him. She yelled at him for not telling her.

[Mrs.Kubalabuku]

You're both wrong.

She, as family, should ahve been notified before FB, no matter the relationship with her.  I mean, how would you feel down the road seeing that about your child on FB?

But, she also shouldn't have thrown a huge hissy fit and called him up to b*tch w/o even asking if he was OK.

In the future, keep Mom in the loop.  Maybe instead of updating FB asap when there is an incident like this wait until you get him home so you aren't leaving everybody hanging waiting for details.  That way you allow more time for your brain (or his) to go "OH, call the Mom!"

And for now, ignore her bad behavior.  Doing anything about it at all will only draw out the drama fest she's brewing.  Simple apology and move on.

[spicy_n_sweet]

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting spicy_n_sweet:

 We speak to my SO's mother no more than 5 times  a year.. 

The idea of posting my SO had an accident on FB before or instead of  letting his mother know personally is so totally and completely foreign to me.

eh, she honestly didn't cross my mind because we dont even talk about her. She's mean and cruel and just wanted the story so she could tell everyone Im sure. She didnt even ask if my DH was okay when she called him. She yelled at him for not telling her.

Speaking for myself only. Regardless of how mean or cruel (if she were) my SO's mother was. She's his mom, that alone would put her above a FB update for me.  Not everyone views parents that way, I don't expect them to or feel they should have to. That's just how I feel about parents.

Side note: I'd probably yell at my so to if he were in an accident and a FB update was made about it before/instead of calling me. As his mother his health and well being matters greatly to me, and the idea that he or his partner would find FB more important than me, would irritate the piss out of me. I'd make sure he was okay first, but he would definitely hear what I thought about the situation.

[kathienpb]

My dh has been in accidents and the er 4 or 5 times over the last few years (sigh...very accident prone) and I dont like my mil so I usually called his sister and said there was too much going on and would she mind calling the mil. That way everyone was in the loop and I didn't have to talk to her as much. And it wasn't even lying. Just an idea.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

I agree I shouldn't have posted it on FB, AT ALL. But I don't feel like I was wrong for not calling her considering she never even crossed my mind, or my DH's mind either. And I talked to him like 3 hours into my drive. He still hadnt thought of them. I never checkd the fb after i posted that the one time, except after i woke up, and called my MIL back. I completely forgot about it. My focus was getting TO my dh. I still believe I shouldn't have posted it on FB no matter if i called her or not until I had answers anyways.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

my oldest SIL is 19, and in college and is just like her mommy. My mom and dad have pretty much been the only side of family. They also dont care about our kids. Well, his dad does, but his mom finds our kids as a threat, so she tries to 'out do' them so she can get attention from my FIL the like 2-3 times a year we see them.

Quoting kathienpb:

My dh has been in accidents and the er 4 or 5 times over the last few years (sigh...very accident prone) and I dont like my mil so I usually called his sister and said there was too much going on and would she mind calling the mil. That way everyone was in the loop and I didn't have to talk to her as much. And it wasn't even lying. Just an idea.

[kathienpb]

Im sorry about that. I understand not even thinking about her, to be honest my first thoughts are to let work know and not really of any family but ds and dss. (Both grown but kids no matter what age always come first in my thoughts) Good luck with your situation. :)

Quoting Anonymous:

my oldest SIL is 19, and in college and is just like her mommy. My mom and dad have pretty much been the only side of family. They also dont care about our kids. Well, his dad does, but his mom finds our kids as a threat, so she tries to 'out do' them so she can get attention from my FIL the like 2-3 times a year we see them.

Quoting kathienpb:

My dh has been in accidents and the er 4 or 5 times over the last few years (sigh...very accident prone) and I dont like my mil so I usually called his sister and said there was too much going on and would she mind calling the mil. That way everyone was in the loop and I didn't have to talk to her as much. And it wasn't even lying. Just an idea.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

thanks. i hope your DH's accidents are over.

Quoting kathienpb:

Im sorry about that. I understand not even thinking about her, to be honest my first thoughts are to let work know and not really of any family but ds and dss. (Both grown but kids no matter what age always come first in my thoughts) Good luck with your situation. :)

Quoting Anonymous:

my oldest SIL is 19, and in college and is just like her mommy. My mom and dad have pretty much been the only side of family. They also dont care about our kids. Well, his dad does, but his mom finds our kids as a threat, so she tries to 'out do' them so she can get attention from my FIL the like 2-3 times a year we see them.

Quoting kathienpb:

My dh has been in accidents and the er 4 or 5 times over the last few years (sigh...very accident prone) and I dont like my mil so I usually called his sister and said there was too much going on and would she mind calling the mil. That way everyone was in the loop and I didn't have to talk to her as much. And it wasn't even lying. Just an idea.

[Mandy575]

Honestly don't feel bad about it. My MIL and my mom found out my DD was in the hospital because I posted picts on FB too. ( in the ambulance) You just didn't think about her. They will get over it. If you are not that close then it too will pass. I am glad DH is ok. I hope him memory issues resolve themselves soon.