Why cant she be responsible? ***Update*** We cut her off.

[p1r4t3cr0pc1rcl]

First off, Happy Valentines Day. I hate this holioday but it makes my babies happy so I am going to leave it at that. 

I am having awesome Chocolate Mocha Coffee this morning, while I write this.....and to give you some background  

This is a previous post

http://www.cafemom.com/group/115189/forums/read/15742944/Not_pleased_at_the_moment

We didnt pay it at all. We figured she needed to go to court and deal with her shit instead of leaving it up to us to pay for her stuff. 

So anyways, we had to set up an account to get our taxes back. We got a decent amount back and we already have it where we know its going to go. A good amount is going into a fund for each of the kids college, we are paying off old debts, loans, old things that on our credit and paying 6 months ahead on rent and 2 months ahead on each bill for the house. We are getting a second car, so I can have a car and do the things I need to do as a mom, and so I have a better chance at getting work and going to a physical school vs online.

Yes, this sounds selfish. But the day, I mean, minutes after she found out we are suppose to get our tax return (instead of filing her own) she asks to borrow rent money.$600+

So says he will think about it. I told him no, last year when she had the money and we needed it, we got told to grow up and learn to pay our own bills. It's not even about that, its more or less, that shes been going out to eat and getting things she does not need at all. Not being responsible at all.

We lost our jeep earlier this year, the transmission went out. We had to save up for 2 months before we could afford another car and the insurance, and SO had to bike to work. No problem there. 

If we needed extra money at all, I sold my belongings around the house, Things we were not using, an extra laptop, old fishtanks, etc. Things that have been sitting. Things we once used but didnt have to anymore, or whatever. 

If we were to do this, my kids are going to go without something they need, anything left over is going to summer clothes and next winters clothes. Things that are needed. absolutely needed. 

So last night, we wanted to go out to eat. We ask my SIL who lives with my MIL to watch the kids, we dont even get the chance to ask SIl before MIL asks about getting rent money and borrowing more. We tell her we havent gotten the money yet. That we are still using his paycheck (which is partially true about 3/4 of what we used was his paycheck from last week AFTER we paid all of our bills) That we wont be getting it for a few more days. Then she asks to borrow money for a phone card, 

SO takes her down and pays for her phone card, because she says she needs it for work. We bought it. 

The second she gets in her house, she starts calling up her friends and etc. Fucking christ. Whatever, its done and over. 

Well, we get to go out. SIL watches the kids, we spent maybe an hour out. we get a text of her saying she needs the kids out because SIL has a headache and she's going shopping since we arent going to give her a ride, we need to come get the kids.

SO drops me off at Walmart, goes to get them. BIl is there to take MIL shopping and is pissed we refused to take her because we had plans and just shoveled out $40 for her phone card that she really didnt need. 

 He lost his license too (just like MIl) for not paying for insurance. (Mil lost hers because she didnt go to fucking court 2-3 years ago, she ignored it, she didnt get a lawyer or nothing) SO his girlfriend had to drive. Now, mind you MIL wasnt missing anything from the house but milk and bread. Just a few other little things. 

She has stores within walking distance of her house, Rite Aid, Family Dollar, the organic food store, it just means she walks a mile. That is it. 

It's flustering. Completely flustering. I dont mind helping someone out when they need it but to help them out when they dont even try to help themselves, No. 

Sorry, I needed to vent. I am irritated about it. 

Its effing cold this morning. and early. 5am is early for me, I dont have to be up for an hour and a half, but SO had to be at work, so here I am.

He told her what she was asking for was something we could not afford, it was not in our budget, that once we get the money in, it was going out the door anyways with our bills. 

She kept trying to bargain with us, that we can push off paying of few months ahead on rent, that we could just pay maybe 4 months instead of 6, because apparently she needed not only the $600 but the money for court because IT WASNT PAID OFF. (This is after she told SO that it was). She kept saying she could pay him back in 6 days, so SO told her, that if she has the money then she can budget it and do it herself. THEN she kept saying how she wasnt going to have the money that it was going out the door too. SO told her that it sounds like she wouldnt be able to pay it back then, and she changed her story AGAIN!!! 

Apparently she is getting over $500 this week in a paycheck, $380 to court, then $40 could go to groceries (Aldi and a house with 2 people for '6' days) and the rest to rent,then in two weeks, pay the rest of rent and put it on power. She kept making excuses and SO kept telling her that we cannot put anything else off. We cannot put our bills in danger for anything or anyone else. 

She got fucking irate about it. Started yelling and screaming then was like " Fine don't worry about it, don't worry at all" so SO said "Fine, I wont, I have things I have to do anyways"

She called her other son up and screamed at him and he gave in, I feel bad for him, but its his fault for giving in.....

[DomoniqueWS]

Why enable them? just make them deal with their own crap seems like it'd make you a lot happier.  

As far as the tax refund goes, why not just by a new transmission, probably cheaper than a new car.  I know we had to buy a new engine for our car and it beat buying a new one for sure. 

[p1r4t3cr0pc1rcl]

Well, we already got a new car,(Months ago is when that happened, we scrapped the jeep and paid rent with it)and the transmission for a 1987 Jeep Grand Wagoneer do not come cheap and if they are not properly made, they become more hassel than they were worth. Besides, the person we bought the Jeep from messed it up too much. We bought it for $2000(well SO did, he knows nothing about cars) and we put in over $5000 in the year we had it. 

Its not that it would make me happier to make them deal with their own crap, its just that she is not doing anything to help herself, she is not saving anything, we have three kids, and we managed to get by on $8.50 an hour for the first 4 months we were here, without PA.( Before he got his raise)

She has herself and her 22 year old daughter (who she could make get a job) to take care of. I dont get how she cannot make it on $$9.50-$10 an hour when she is going 40 hours a week getting paid weekly and has had more overtime than SO. 

Quoting DomoniqueWS:

Why enable them? just make them deal with their own crap seems like it'd make you a lot happier.  

As far as the tax refund goes, why not just by a new transmission, probably cheaper than a new car.  I know we had to buy a new engine for our car and it beat buying a new one for sure. 

[DomoniqueWS]

Some people are just really irresponsible.  I know someone who made well over 20 per hour and magically they were broke and always late on rent.  Just stupidity because someone would always help them out.  Sometime you just have to stop helping.

Quoting p1r4t3cr0pc1rcl:

Well, we already got a new car,(Months ago is when that happened, we scrapped the jeep and paid rent with it)and the transmission for a 1987 Jeep Grand Wagoneer do not come cheap and if they are not properly made, they become more hassel than they were worth. Besides, the person we bought the Jeep from messed it up too much. We bought it for $2000(well SO did, he knows nothing about cars) and we put in over $5000 in the year we had it. 

Its not that it would make me happier to make them deal with their own crap, its just that she is not doing anything to help herself, she is not saving anything, we have three kids, and we managed to get by on $8.50 an hour for the first 4 months we were here, without PA.( Before he got his raise)

She has herself and her 22 year old daughter (who she could make get a job) to take care of. I dont get how she cannot make it on $$9.50-$10 an hour when she is going 40 hours a week getting paid weekly and has had more overtime than SO. 

Quoting DomoniqueWS:

Why enable them? just make them deal with their own crap seems like it'd make you a lot happier.  

As far as the tax refund goes, why not just by a new transmission, probably cheaper than a new car.  I know we had to buy a new engine for our car and it beat buying a new one for sure. 

[p1r4t3cr0pc1rcl]

I mean, she could file her taxes and have them in 10 days. She wont get alot, but it would help. I know we aren't going to help. I am just flustered over all of this. She only talks to SO when she needs money, SIL spends more time with the kids than MIL, yet MIL thinks it is okay to ask for over half a grand for rent. or something else, with some lame excuse as to why she doesnt have it paid off. 

Quoting DomoniqueWS:

Some people are just really irresponsible.  I know someone who made well over 20 per hour and magically they were broke and always late on rent.  Just stupidity because someone would always help them out.  Sometime you just have to stop helping.

[snowangel1979]

I read the other post too. I wouldn't. I think It's time for her to stand on her own two feet. If she got money for court from someone else and blew it already. That's on her. I wouldn't have even told her you were getting a refund. It sounds like you guys are responsible with your money. If she needs extra money there's always getting a second job or you can pay her to babysit/clean. I would have DH put his foot down, sit here down and tell her flat out we will not loan/give anymore money, she's probably going to throw a hissy but it she gets mad and stops talking to you then you'll know she was just using you guys. If you don't stop now, when will it stop when you guys are broke.

[p1r4t3cr0pc1rcl]

That is what I told SO. We got in a bad spot last year, we got evicted. She still needed money and SO was handing it out even when we couldnt afford to feed ourselves.

I wouldnt have told her we were getting money, but SO did, because he's kinda that stupid. he knows better, but it isnt going to happen. 

Whenever we asked for $30 or something we got told to deal with our own problems, and grow up that we had a family to take care of. and shit like that. I dont get how she cannot when its just her and another adult(who she could make get a job), her rent and bills are less than ours. and she doesnt have cable and she isnt paying for gas or insurance. 

I mean, if we can live off of $8.50 an hour( for the first 4 months we were here), without PA and have cable and internet, power rent, gas, and insurance, how can she not support herself when SO was supporting me and three kids.  

Quoting snowangel1979:

I read the other post too. I wouldn't. I think It's time for her to stand on her own two feet. If she got money for court from someone else and blew it already. That's on her. I wouldn't have even told her you were getting a refund. It sounds like you guys are responsible with your money. If she needs extra money there's always getting a second job or you can pay her to babysit/clean. I would have DH put his foot down, sit here down and tell her flat out we will not loan/give anymore money, she's probably going to throw a hissy but it she gets mad and stops talking to you then you'll know she was just using you guys. If you don't stop now, when will it stop when you guys are broke.

[marchantmom06]

Wow

[p1r4t3cr0pc1rcl]

Is this a good wow or a bad wow?

Quoting marchantmom06:

Wow

[PlineyJane]

I would tell her Sorry but I just don't have it and if she asks why, well since we needed help last year and you couldn't be bothered with us, I decided to put our tax money back to help since you won't. And That way, I can raise my family and you can raise yours. That way, there is no more borrowing money between us. If you need some cash, sil can get a job, or you can file your taxes. Sorry, but I just don't want to get in a bad place again.

The longer you let her continue the longer it will. You are just enabling her habit of asking for money when you just give in. Believe me I know. My mil didn't know where her money ended and our began, and was going thru ccards like crazy, we finally just had to say, hell no, we ain't go an extra penny this month.

[marchantmom06]

It's a wow it sounds like a trailer park sob story..... its just the SO, and mil, sil, bil all sound like trash... he took her down to buy a phone card, well its his momma, if you arent married then you are not entitled to any of his money. If you are married then he needs to leave mommy dearest and grow up.

Quoting p1r4t3cr0pc1rcl:

Is this a good wow or a bad wow?

Quoting marchantmom06:

Wow